Insatiable
by lotusflower85
Summary: Mara Jade faces the horrors of addiction. Luke/Mara.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

A part of her didn't miss the killing.

Not of the act, naturally. It was a rare person who was left completely unmoved or untouched by the moment of death itself; the instant of flesh and body slackening, of eyes deadening, life dimming. Blood held no pleasure for her.

But the moments following, in the shadows of darkness as Mara slipped away from her kill, the euphoria crept in. The knowledge of completing her Emperor's will, of his pleasure at her clean, concise success. It became irresistible after a while…the rush of elation, the ecstasy that rushed through her blood, her mind. It blocked out everything – any remorse, any thought of the victim's family, any hate. Any feeling at all other than complete rapture.

After the Emperor's death, the pain was too much to bear. She was not only deprived of her station in the Emperor's court, hunted by the Imperials or haunted by the dreams of the Emperor. She was chased by the emptiness in a galaxy where there was nothing to fulfil her. Although that had not stopped her searching for substitutes.

It began with alcohol. Innocuous enough, really. She was no different to the myriads of others seeking solace in the drink. The pure numbness of it satisfied her at first. It dulled her senses, but that only increased her desire. The liquid imbibed her with new life, although it only lasted until the morning.

The men had come next. Mara had been no innocent in the Emperor's service – too often she had played mistress to men, more habitually for information and on reconnaissance missions. It had been no more to her than a part of her job, a quick and effective way to earn a man's trust, or at least access to his secrets. But in those days after Endor, it became no more to her than an augmentation to the alcohol…a glimpse of ecstasy wrapped in the glorious feeling of forgetfulness.

She used men as she had always used them – they were tools for her own purposes. They bought her drinks and took her back to their rooms – never hers – and she was fulfilled for a time. She was always gone by morning, anyway, their faces nothing but a blur on her memory.

The first time she'd tried spice had been like her first kill. It had roused such dormant emotions within her – a rush of pleasure and pain so divine Mara swore she had touched the stars themselves.

Soon the ryll and glitterstim became the only thing that fulfilled her properly – even if she had to steal or bargain for it in ways she would never have dreamed of doing before. But there was no respect for herself while in its euphoric embrace, no standards of decency for her body or mind. There was only the spice – what she had to do to get it was immaterial.

The days that followed had been a haze of alcohol, sex and spice, the glorious feeling of apathy, of her very soul being numbed while her mind soured with the self-indulgent, physical highs. There was no aching in that place, no regret or thoughts of pity, of depression at what her life had become.

She had not kept an occupation – she no longer had the lucidity for it. She lived in slums, in hovels with people like herself – she did unimaginable things, not for food, or shelter – but for the dealers who could provide her with a lifeline. With the quality instead of the watered-down substances they provided the lowly deviants with.

She was more a slave to her own weak desires than she had ever been to the Emperor, although at the time she had not seen it that way. All she knew of the rush, the hit – she chased it with every breath.

One night she had collapsed, bleeding and in an unimaginable pain. The med-droid had apologised, unfortunately, she'd lost the baby. Eight weeks, it had said, a common occurrence around those of her kind. It was better off that it had not lived, she'd been told – those born with the addiction never survived more than a few years. And those that did wished they hadn't. Mara had listened to the cold, mechanical, clinical analysis, pain for the first time in months penetrating her closed heart. She hadn't even known she'd been pregnant.

She'd quelled her spree of non-stop abuse, although she could not crush it completely. By the time she met Karrde, her habit was, as she thought, only recreational. She was cautious – only needing a small line every few days to keep her straight, and out of withdrawal. She couldn't give it up completely – not when a dreamless sleep called to her – the glory of nothingness.

But on the _Wild Karrde_, nothing remained a secret for long.

_"Jade? Mara, can you hear me?"_

It had been after a particularly rough trade, and a skirmish with the rebels – or the "New Republic" – as she'd so often heard to them referred to as on the sludge news. Mara had taken refuge once again in the drugs. It had been a lucky escape – or so Karrde had told her, once he'd had his medic pump her stomach.

"How long?" He had sat there, in the darkness of her cabin, reeking with her shame and the threat of death. His voice had held no accusation, nor sympathy. Just understanding. "I suppose it doesn't matter," he had said when she didn't answer, just fiddled with the tubes in her arms. "I'm sure it feels like forever to you."

It was polemic, really. If she told him about it, trusted him, how could she ever hope to retain her other, darker secrets? But if didn't, Mara wasn't sure what would happen the next time, or the time after that. It was a burden she could not carry alone.

"I'll leave as soon as we get to the next stop." Her voice had sounded dull, defeated in the small cabin. She'd never admitted defeat before.

"Mara…" His warm, calloused hands had taken hers. Mara wondered if that's what her father might have done, if she'd known him. "I've seen far too much in this life, probably more than you think." Through the darkness, she made out his soft smile, his twinkling eyes, mixed with pain and affection. For her?

"I've seen this before," he had continued poignantly. "I've _beaten_ this before."

Never since, had he let go of her hand, that lifeline pulling her out of the abyss. Karrde had seen the very best and worst of her, months and years filled with support and confidence.

He stuck with her through the pain and rage of her withdrawal, through her worst moods and violent outbursts. Reasoned with his patented, calm diplomacy, through her arguments and pleading..._please, just one more hit. _

Through the crucible, she emerged a new woman. She was Mara Jade, untouched by the trappings and physical entities of the galaxy. She had risen above mere human pleasure and pain, to a new tower of indifference that coated her soul in a protective sheath. Never again would she be victim to earthly desires, never again would she lose her vaulted self-control.

But there still lived uncertainty beneath that tough, repellent veneer. Mara kept her vulnerability there, her dark past, the knowledge that she was broken, damaged.

The truth that she could keep from the crew and Karrde, but never from the probing beat of her own heart. The truth that kept her one step away from insanity, from leaping off the cliff of her precarious calm, away from that rush of elation, of euphoria…of anaesthesia.

Because the truth was, she still craved it.

Every second.

Every minute.

Every day.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 **

_Coruscant, 11 ABY_

"Don't look at me that way, Karrde." Mara couldn't help but be irritated by the sceptical look on her friend and former employer's face. With anyone else, she would have simply told them where they could stick their opinion, but she tolerated such things with Talon. After all, she didn't have to guard herself with him and he knew it enough not to fear her sharp tongue. But his dark, pensive expression, almost a look of disappointment, still irritated her.

"Mara, are you sure this is a good idea?" Karrde abandoned the meal that was before him and turned his full attention towards her. "Are you sure it's safe?"

Mara tried to sound dismissive. "I have no doubt Calrissian thinks that such a business merger will extend to the bedroom, but I can handle him." Her attention shifted to the dancing couples, in harmony with one another. She saw Chief of State Organa-Solo, along with her husband among them. They seemed to radiate more brightly than those around them and even Solo looked graceful, lightly swinging his wife around the room. She supposed she would have to talk to them later – her and Talon's invitation to this function had come directly from Leia, after all.

"You know I'm not talking about Calrissian," Karrde's voice was soft, but firm. "What were you thinking, Mara?" he continued, as his tone hitched slightly, probably at her passive reaction. "Spice trade? And at Kessel of all places? After all you've overcome-"

He abruptly halted as Mara's gaze flicked back to him in a dangerous glare. "Are you saying I can't handle it?" She didn't like to be doubted. Talon rarely brought up the issue of her former spice addiction, diligently guarding her secret as if it were his own. Mara didn't need him reminding her of how close she'd come to succumbing to it completely, of how dangerous it still was to her, looming tantalisingly just beyond her senses.

Karrde sighed, reaching out to place his hand over her own. "I'm _saying_ that maybe you haven't thought this through," his voice had become warm again. "I've always told you, Mara, never to put yourself in a position to fail – especially in business."

"I won't fail," she said sharply, but did not remove her hand from under his. "Don't you see, Talon? I need this. To know that I've beaten it." She needed to prove to herself her own strength, again. If she could resist the temptation, working with the very cause of it, she would know she had won. Put the final piece back into her broken soul. "And besides," she continued, "What's the harm in making a little money on top of it all?"

"You talk about it like it's so easy." Talon was clearly not convinced. "You forget that I know how hard it is to live with, Mara. This is not a decision you should be taking lightly." He held up a hand to halt her protests. "And you choose to tell me here," he gestured around the room, clearly becoming more incensed. "At a New Republic banquet, in the presence of nearly a hundred people. As if you were telling me how you decided which dress to wear. Mara, this is your _life_."

"I didn't ask for your opinion, Talon. If you would just…" Mara trailed off as she felt a more irritating, but no less familiar presence approach. Without looking behind her, Mara sighed. "Hello, Skywalker."

Talon looked up and greeted the Jedi, removing his hand from Mara's and shaking Luke's politely. It was clear that as long as Skywalker was in the vicinity they would not get a chance to continue their discussion. Skywalker, of course, was oblivious to this, taking a seat at the empty place beside Mara, while Karrde continued with his meal. For her part, Mara fiddled with the rim of her water glass.

Skywalker obviously had noticed her gaze because he commented, "Not drinking tonight, Mara?" He grinned inanely. "I assure you, the alcohol is free."

Mara pierced him with her best glare. "Go amuse the Rogues with your hilarity, Skywalker. I didn't ask you to sit down."

Luke shrugged in return, clearly in an amiable mood. "Just an observation," he furrowed his brow. "As a matter of fact, I've never seen you drink-"

"How is the Academy, Skywalker?" Karrde interrupted him, flashing Mara a quick look, which Mara returned gratefully. The last thing she needed was Skywalker poking around in issues he wasn't welcome to.

Immediately, Luke's face brightened at the mention of his school on Yavin 4. "Very well, thank you, Karrde." He then proceeded to launch into a full account of the new students, their progress, their recovery after the recent Exar Kun incident. It was all highly uninteresting conversation, but Karrde seemed to be listening. He'd always had a certain fondness for the Jedi, fascinated by them, almost. And he genuinely liked Skywalker.

But the distraction gave Mara a chance to go over her decision, not for the first time. Despite Talon's accusation, it had not been an easy choice to make. To come into direct contact and have control over large quantities of the very drug that had almost cost Mara her life. But Lando's offer had been too good to resist, almost guaranteed success, now that no smuggling need be involved. Mara would never face a keener test of her willpower, but if she couldn't resist it, what had been the point? If she was weak enough to succumb at the very sight of spice, she probably didn't deserve her life. That was the thought that kept her going.

"So I'm due back in a few weeks. With any luck to begin teaching again," Skywalker finished.

Karrde nodded, smiling, but then shot a devious look in Mara's direction. "But I'm sure you didn't come over here to tell me all of that. Not that I'm adverse to hearing it, of course," he added.

Mara was surprised when Luke shifted in his chair, a blush beginning to form on his cheeks. "Well…" he began hesitantly. Was that embarrassment she saw in his expression?

"I perhaps had an ulterior motive for coming to talk to both of you," he managed to force out.

Gleaming with devious pride, Karrde said, "Oh?"

"I was watching the dancing," Luke's gaze shifted to the floor. "And couldn't help but feel a bit left out."

"Well, don't be shy, Skywalker," Mara said. "I'm sure Karrde would love a spin around the floor."

The comment made Luke smile indulgently, and Mara saw that Talon almost choked on his wine trying not to laugh. "I'm sure Skywalker had a more delicate partner in mind, Mara," he smiled.

"Oh? Perhaps he should try one of the underage Twi'leks at the bar." Mara folded her arms as much as her beaded dress would allow.

"Come'on, Jade," Skywalker rose, suddenly confident. "I won't take no for an answer."

Mara raised an eyebrow, clearly insinuating that Skywalker couldn't make her do anything. But Karrde's hand touched her elbow, lightly. "Go on, Mara. We can finish our conversation later." Before she could reply, he gave her a firm push in the back, sending her straight into Luke's waiting arms. With only a modicum of cursing, Mara let him lead her on to the dance floor, alive with other couples.

Brazenly, Luke pulled her close, his hands warm on her waist, his face near hers. There was something in his eyes that Mara couldn't quite describe – a keen, determined expression, fixed entirely on her. Ordinarily, Mara would never let a man take such liberties with her, but she supposed Skywalker was harmless. He couldn't romance a dunebug.

"It feels like an age since I've seen you, Mara," he said softly, out of earshot of the nearby couples. "Did you look this beautiful when you were on Yavin?" His grip tightened slightly around her, and Mara looked up, wondering how much he'd had to drink. "No," he amended, heedless of her expression. "You looked better then. With your hair down and wild." He touched the intricate design she had forced her red-gold locks into that evening.

"Skywalker…" She wasn't quite sure what to say.

"How long are you on Coruscant?" He swung her around, his head dipping closer to hers.

"Why?" Mara tried to regain the distance between her and this very new Luke she was faced with. He wasn't stammering, or blushing, or fumbling over his words. He was in complete control, his touch electric on the fabric of her dress. She wasn't quite sure what to make of it.

"Dinner, Mara," he said, looking deep into her eyes. "I want you to have dinner with me. Nothing untoward, I promise."

Mara looked at him sceptically, confused by her conflicting emotions. Those were not the words of the Luke she knew, bolding asking her out to dinner. They had dined together a few times in the past, but it had never been formal, and it had usually been after a training session. But Mara wasn't sure what he wanted from her now, this _man_ who stood before her. Not a Jedi, not a Farmboy, but for perhaps the first time, she saw Luke as a man.

All she knew was that she couldn't deal with that. Not at this stage in her life. Not when so many other changes and tests were occurring.

"I'm sorry, Skywalker," she abruptly pulled out of his embrace, disentangling herself from his grip. "I really have to talk to Talon."

She hurried off the dance floor, ignoring him calling behind her. "Mara…I didn't mean…" She ignored him, swiftly moving back to her place, back to Talon. He would understand, he would be able to advise her in this – there was nothing she couldn't not tell him, that he couldn't help her with.

But as Mara reached their table, she realised Talon had already left. 


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Luke Skywalker ignored the constant, fretting looks of the secretary, stamping down on his impatience. He supposed that it would seem unusual for a Jedi Master to be seated in the foyer of the headquarters of the Smuggler's Alliance, but the woman, in between comm calls and tapping away at her datapad, looked as if he was going to begin slashing his lightsaber around and causing trouble. Jedi didn't have the most illuminating reputations when it came to smugglers, he imagined, even if their organisation was perfectly legal. _Old habits die hard_, he thought to himself grimly.

Glancing at the chrono on the wall, Luke sighed, realising he had been waiting for close to an hour already. But a Jedi must have patience, he told himself, running through old exercises Yoda had drilled into him. It wasn't as if he had any other pressing engagements, and he really had to make things right with Mara.

Luke knew where he had faltered the previous night. As usual, his troubles came from listening to Han's advice. _Take charge_, he'd said, to which Luke had made an obligatory comment about kidnapping and stun guns, which Han had promptly ignored. _When women go to all the trouble of pretending they're not interested in you it's a dead giveaway that they are_. Here Han's logic faltered slightly, when Luke had questioned him about how exactly he was supposed to know if they were pretending or really just not interested. They'd exchanged some requisite banter about Jedi Masters and galaxy-wide celebrities, before Luke had been subjected to a wide range of arguments and tips from Han on how to read a women's behaviour.

Luke was certain that Han had been making it up as he went along, but he came away with one solid piece of advice, and that was to take charge, to show his worth. To not take no for an answer. Of course, Han hadn't realised that Luke was specifically targeting Mara Jade, and looking back, he imagined the advice might have been somewhat different if he'd been aware of that fact.

As a result, Luke had misfired, and rather badly. He'd succeeded not only in not securing Mara's consent to meet with him, but had completely driven her away, quite literally, in fact. In the cold light of day, Luke wondered what had possessed him to pursue Mara in the first place. They'd always shared a somewhat unsteady and tumultuous relationship, but Luke had always counted her as a friend, and suspected, although she did not admit to it, that she felt the same about him. But lately his thoughts towards her had been seeping dangerously into a less than platonic area.

He'd dismissed it at first as simply a consequence of his own recent celibacy and her beauty. A mere attraction many a man would feel confronted not only by Mara's natural striking appearance, but her dry wit and intelligence – there was certainly nothing about her that was plain or indistinctive. But his feelings had lingered, until he found himself scrounging around for her itinerary, searching for when she would be near Coruscant or Yavin, or even within a few star systems of him. He found himself conjuring up the discussions and arguments they'd had in the past, dissecting every instant of conversation, so better to understand her. He even found himself staring at random redheads in the streets and public places, comparing their shade and colour to hers.

Those were not the actions and thoughts of a normal, rational person who was merely friends with a woman. But Luke wasn't sure if he was ready, or even willing, to pursue her romantically. That looming threat of pain and heartache weighed heavily on his mind. Still, he had wanted to test the waters, to see if there was perhaps even a chance for them to expand on their relationship, even if it wasn't romantic. They were somewhat friends, but Luke wanted to cement the bond.

Her retreat had surprised him. She hadn't shot him down, or berated him sarcastically, or done any of the things he'd come to expect from her. Even if she had agreed, Luke had known that it would have been only after she'd made him suffer for it, but she'd shown no signs of that. She'd just…run away, which jarred completely with the woman he thought he knew.

"Morning Captain Karrde." The chirpy voice of the secretary cut through Luke's ruminations. He looked up to see Talon Karrde stalking into the foyer and towards the desk, giving the secretary a charming grin. He did not seem to notice Luke, against the far wall.

"Hello, Melanah. I've come to collect Trader Jade's messages, she isn't able to make her appointments today."

"She has a meeting with an NR Fair Trade Official, but I'll reschedule it." She beamed at Karrde, clearly enamoured.

"Thank you." Karrde patted her hand affectionately.

She blushed and ducked her head before consulting her console. "General Calrissian also called and transferred some plans for her to sign off on." She made a few clicks on her datapad. "I'll transfer them to disc."

At the mention of Lando's name, Luke noticed that Karrde's smile faded slightly. "Thank you." Karrde said again, nonplussed as Melanah handed him a datadisc. "Anything else?" He asked, pocketing it.

Melanah's grin faltered and she shot a flustered, almost embarrassed look in Luke's direction. She cleared her throat as Karrde finally noticed his presence. "He's been waiting for Trader Jade," she said disapprovingly.

"Skywalker." Karrde seemed pleased to see him, immediately reaching to pull Luke out of his seat and grasp his hand. "Sorry I didn't get a chance to speak to you further last night," he sounded apologetic. "Unexpected business, you understand." Luke nodded. Although Karrde often threatened to retire, it was obvious that his work was his lifeblood. "You here to see Mara?"

Luke nodded. "I really must speak with her. She wouldn't answer her comm and wasn't at her apartment." He cleared his throat reluctantly, unsure whether he wanted to alert the trader to his shortcomings. "We had somewhat of a misunderstanding last night," he said finally.

Karrde grimaced. "Yes, she mentioned you were somewhat…" he trailed off, looking away.

"I think she misinterpreted my motives, Karrde" Luke explained. It wasn't strictly true, but wasn't exactly a lie. "I simply wanted to catch up with her, privately…"

"Without the distractions and interruptions of a state dinner." Talon nodded. He then noticed Melanah, listening eagerly to their conversation. "I'm needed at the Wild Karrde, but we can talk on the way." Talon indicated Luke to follow him, which he did, apprehensively. Karrde didn't seem like the lecturing type, but he knew of no one else closer to Mara, or more protective of her.

It was well after they had left the complex before Karrde spoke again. "Mara's already left Coruscant, Luke. I'm scheduled top rendezvous with her in a few days so I can pass along a message."

Luke definitely didn't want Mara to hear an apology second hand, but perhaps he would glean a little information from Karrde, so he would be prepared for a confrontation when she returned. "I thought Mara wanted to pursue her own business opportunities?" He said eventually.

"Yes, but she agreed to help me with this last assignment." Karrde turned swiftly in the direction of the spaceport. "Tricky situation, and I don't trust anyone else."

"Oh?"

"Oon Tiel, in the Kathol system," Karrde explained, his pace quickening, so much so that Luke found himself almost jogging to keep up. "They've had some internal problems in addition to some piracy, especially since the Empire's downfall. We're hoping that a legitimate trading operation will provide some stability."

"I see." Luke considered this. "But that also means negotiating with the pirates."

Karrde stopped suddenly, activating a nearby turbolift and stepping inside. "And Mara well…let's just say she's had experience in that area." He held the doors open for Luke, making room for him inside.

"With pirates?"

"She's no stranger to the underbelly of society." There was note of warning in his tone.

Luke considered this, watching the city rush by as their lift descended. He wondered about her past, in those days before she joined Karrde's organisation. Was that what he was talking about? Luke knew she had not lived well, but he had never really considered what her life would have been like, if she had spent time in the slums, scrounging for whatever living she could. Had his forward actions the previous night been a reminder of some less than welcome attention she'd had to face during those days? Had she fought off men groping her in bars and underground taverns? Was his behaviour comparatively less overwhelming than theirs had been?

"I'm afraid Mara suffers from her own prejudices, Skywalker," Karrde spoke again, his tone losing all of its businesslike quality and becoming softer.

Luke looked at him, curious. "I'm not sure I understand." Had the man known what he had been thinking – was it written so plainly on his face?

"I know you mean well, Luke, but you have to understand how difficult it has been for Mara these past few years. You may have helped her to overcome her hatred of you, but it is quite another thing to expect complete understanding and unconditional friendship from her." Karrde turned to face him fully know, a distant Coruscant framing his serious expression.

"Acceptance is an easy thing for you," he explained. "But Mara still has to fight hard against herself not to see you as the enemy. It is easier for her to keep you at a distance. But getting close to her, confronting her like you did last night – It was the worst thing you could have done."

"I'm beginning to realise that." Luke pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "I …I just want to be there for her, Karrde. Like you have."

The lift doors opened to reveal the spaceport. Luke could see the _Wild Karrde _docked on the far side. "You shouldn't make gestures like that, Skywalker, if you aren't willing to follow them through." Talon's voice was abruptly harsh, and he threw Luke a hard look before he strode out onto the deck, towards his ship.

"Wait!" Luke rushed out after him. "What do you mean by that?"

Karrde stopped and sighed irritably. "They're noble words, but I don't think you realise the weight of them. 'Being there' for Mara, as you put it, is not simply taking her out to dinner, or verbal sparring, or pestering her about Jedi training."

"That's not all we do," Luke replied, somewhat sullenly.

Turning back to face him, Karrde stroked his greying beard, calm once again. "You want to help, Luke, I appreciate that. But there are things you couldn't possibly understand about Mara. Things you simply can't help her with."

"Like what?" Luke decided he was more confused now than he had been earlier in the day.

Karrde placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Just understand that Mara is not an easy woman to love - there can be no halfways, or doubts, or other priorities. It is all or nothing."

A moment of silence passed between them as Talon's words sunk in. But before Luke could question him further, a familiar, deep voice carried across the hanger.

"Karrde, you cur, I've been waiting for you all morning!"

Luke saw an impeccably, if outrageously dressed Lando approach. To Luke's eyes he did not look as if he had been waiting for more than a few minutes.

"I get an urgent message, telling me to head straight down here, and you keep me waiting!" Lando continued his tirade, clasping hands with Karrde. "What is so important you need to talk to me about that it couldn't wait until lunch? Oh, hello Luke."

"Lando." He managed a greeting as the Baron gave him a hearty pat on the back.

Karrde gave him a keen look. "I'm sorry, Skywalker, but I do need to speak to Lando rather urgently."

"That's alright, Karrde. Just tell Mara…never mind. Just tell her I'll speak to her when you return." Luke ignored Lando's inquisitive, curious gaze. "Clear skies."

"Just remember what I said," Karrde reminded him gently, before placing a hand on Lando's arm, drawing him away. As the couple retreated, Luke found himself dwelling over Karrde's last words, more confused than ever about his feelings for Mara and the relationship between them. _Mara's not an easy woman to love_, he'd said.

Luke found himself more confused than ever.

__


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_Oon Tiel_

"Skywalker really likes you, you know." Karrde languished on the couch in Mara's sparse but neat hotel room on Oon Tiel. He'd only just arrived, and proceeded to tell her an edited version of his discussion with Skywalker. Talon couldn't, of course, tell her that for all intents and purposes, he'd all but warned Skywalker off her. She may have been grateful at not having to engage in an awkward conversation with the Jedi himself, but Talon knew she would have been furious with him taking such liberties with her personal life. Friend and confidant he may be to her, but there were certain lines even he dared not to cross. Or at least, let her know that he'd crossed them.

Mara, pouring over what looked like building plans at her console across the room, grunted dismissively. She showed no signs of the hassled, confused woman who had confronted him the morning after the state dinner, but he hadn't really expected her to. That morning she'd been up most of the night, analysing the small details of her and Skywalker's short conversation. His uncharacteristic forwardness had frightened her, the amount of liberty and affection he'd shown her that night had rattled her nerves. Although she couldn't quite bring herself to admit it, Talon knew that for a split second, his manner had reminded her of the Emperor.

It seemed ludicrous in any real logical analysis, if there ever were two people who were less alike, it was the late Palpatine and Luke Skywalker. But Talon knew the power that brewed in Skywalker which he chose not to yield or utilise, that she had, perhaps, seen a glimpse of that night. It brought back unpleasant memories of the other man who had wielded such control over her. Mara had suffered under him, and she had suffered under the slavery of addiction, he knew there was no way she would relinquish any of her own sanctity again.

That, and the fact that Mara had never had a healthy romantic or physical relationship with a man, had flung her back into old insecurities. Talon had been there, of course, as he had always been there. He knew that the relationship he and Mara shared was the first, and perhaps the only, stable connection she had experienced in her life. A part of him, the selfish part, almost felt as if Skywalker was encroaching on his territory, and felt almost as a father would, the first time his daughter brought home a date.

He liked Skywalker enough, even admired his compassion and dedication to all other beings. It was not naivety, as Mara thought, it was a genuine desire for good, a love for all others, no matter their circumstance, or mistakes. It was those qualities that made him see a hope for Mara. Skywalker's affection seemed genuine, he had as much admitted to wanting a deeper relationship with Mara. There was anticipation, perhaps, that Skywalker could help her overcome those last barriers that kept Mara isolated and alone. That he would be able to fulfil the role Karrde could not, that of a constant, loving companion. Perhaps Mara needed that, though all outward signs did not directly indicate it.

On the other hand, it could lead to disaster. Mara may not be able to accept all of Luke's attention, if it were placed solely on her. Talon knew she would rather die than reveal her weakness to him and without that knowledge of her past, Skywalker's patience or understanding may dry up quickly. In any case, Talon had gone the safe route, in his opinion. He had hinted to Luke that there was more to Mara than it appeared, warned him that there were things he couldn't understand or comprehend. In the end, Talon thought, it would be better to give Mara the power over their rocky friendship, to allow her, if she felt ready, to make the first move.

"You underestimate him," Talon said finally. He knew that Mara kept Luke at a distance for a reason. For her, it was easier to deal with the farmboy, the stammering, shyness of his countenance, than to face the consequences of the power he wielded as a leader and Jedi.

"Please, Talon," Mara did not look up from her work. "That Corellian probably spiked his drink. I overreacted."

"Hmmm." Karrde sat up, folding his hands across his knees. "I don't think so. He's falling for you."

"Since when are you an expert on human relationships?" Mara consulted her datapad, making a brief note. "I don't seem to recall the last time you engaged in one."

Talon was used to Mara's caustic ways, and knew she had not meant the injure. "All I'm saying, Mara," he said casually, "Is that he cares for you."

Mara finally looked up from her work, her expression set. "You know why I could never become involved with him. That is, if I was interested in him at all," she added hastily. "Which I'm not."

Smiling, Talon stood, realising the conversation had run its course. "I was just bringing the fact to your attention." He indicated towards the refresher, his tone becoming business-like. "I'll just get changed and then we can head off to the reception."

Mara nodded and directed her attention back to the plans. "I'm ready when you are."

But when Talon emerged from the 'fresher, cleansed and in appropriate attire for negotiations with the Oon Tiel government, Mara's demeanour had changed considerably. She sat, stone faced at the console, staring him down with a maddening glint in her eyes. Talon noticed that the holoprojecter and been shut down, and her desk askew. Then he saw the mark in the far wall, obviously caused by the datapad lying on the floor beneath it.

"Mara?"

"The comm went off while you were in there," she said with a suppressed fury. "It was Calrissian."

Damn. Talon had forgotten to mention his chat with Lando – he'd been hoping to cover his tracks, obviously the Baron had been a little too eager to follow their discussion up with Mara.

"He asked if I was still sure about our partnership in Kessel," she continued in that same low, dangerous tone. "That there would be no problem finding someone else if I was..._questioning_ myself." Her mouth twisted bitterly. "Why do you think he would say that, Karrde?"

"Mara-"

"You said something to him, didn't you?" Mara was on her feet in an instant.

"I never said anything about your addiction…" He tried to explain herself.

Mara riled at the word from his lips, her anger unchecked now, her voice tight and rough. "How could you? I _told_ you I could handle it – that you didn't have to worry about me."

"Mara, sometimes your pride blinds you. I thought if I spoke to Lando, made him understand that your efforts were better spent in other areas, it would be for the best."

"Other areas - like where? In your organisation?" Mara shook her head disbelievingly. "Is this some ploy to keep me with you?"

"No," he admonished. That had not been his intent at all, at least, not consciously. "I'm worried for you Mara. I don't think you understand how difficult this scheme will be for you." He tried to keep his voice soft, without accusation. "That you're setting yourself up to fail."

But this only incensed Mara's rage, and she turned away from him. He knew it was a sign that she had been about to lash out at him physically. She'd managed to control herself, however. "I told you why I needed to do this." She took a deep breath, and Talon could see she was holding herself in check at great cost. "I thought you'd be able to trust me."

"Mara, please." He took a tentative step towards her, but she turned back around and her glare halted him.

"What did you really say to Skywalker?" Her tone was reproachful.

"What? Nothing." He was surprised at her about-face.

"How can I trust you, Karrde?" Heat crept back into her voice. "How do I know what you said to him, what ideas about me you've put in his head. In Calrissian's?" She shook her head, staring him down with a gaze that was suddenly enraged and vulnerable at the same time. "I thought you of all people…" She swallowed heavily, and all anger slipped off of her expression, revealing a deep, palpable sadness and sense of defeat. But before he could approach her, she hid her face and retreated into her bedroom.

He pounded on the door for several minutes, but there was no persuading her after she'd cloistered herself. Regret swept through him as his attentions were met only with a deafening, deadly silence. 


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

In the dark silence of her room on Oon Tiel, Mara lay on her bed, the sheet twisting around her as she tossed and turned irritably. She found her mind reeling with Talon's betrayal. He had gone behind her back, had manipulated Calrissian into rescinding, or at least rethinking their partnership. Talon had been the one person she had truly trusted since the Emperor, and he had proved himself undeserving of that faith. Mara now burned with an old hatred, one forgotten until now. She hated him – he was as bad as Skywalker, always presuming to know what was right and best for her. He was as bad as the Emperor, who had used and abused her devotion to him.

In the small hours of the morning her anger finally cooled, leaving only a sad regret and disappointment. Talon had given up trying to see her and apologise and had evidently left for the reception hours before, leaving Mara alone with her thoughts. It was better that way. He was like her, in many ways – Talon knew he would make no headway with Mara during the night and of course, business was paramount. He may at least try to salvage that and she was grateful for his practicality.

However, a sense of defiance also wound through her. Talon no longer had faith in her – but she had not lost it in herself. She would show him how wrong he had been to doubt her, of how misplaced his distrust was. She would throw herself into this business with Lando – leave Talon in the past, where he belonged. Someday, there might be a renewal of affection or at the least, polite courtesy between them, but not now. Once again, she was alone.

A muffled crash from the outer rooms startled her, and immediately Mara was fully awake. Mara assumed it was Talon, returning. She should tell him of her plans. Or perhaps it would be better just to leave in the morning, without a word? It would certainly be easier. As Mara was weighing up the options, another crash sounded in her ears, followed by several loud thumps. Mara jumped out of bed. Like her, Karrde never drank alcohol, and it was unusual for him to be so clumsy. Without bothering to change out of her sleep clothes, Mara made her way into the living room.

She was greeted by the unfamiliar sight of three large, burly men scattered throughout the apartment, knocking over furniture, riffling through the drawers and consoles. Searching for something, it seemed. Her assassin's instincts failed her, and she was slow to react, so thrown by the shock of their presence. One of the men, seemingly the leader with dark, dirty hair, black eyes and stocky stature, noticed her.

She immediately struck the man closest to her, the blonde, with a well-aimed punch that sent him sprawling. The other two ran towards her immediately, the swarthy, smaller one pulling a vibroblade from his belt. Without thinking, Mara ducked his swipe and took him out by the legs. He toppled hard to the ground, groaning in pain.

The third man, the leader, proved more difficult, for he did not immediately attack her, and Mara was too groggy and tired to make a successful assault on him.

"What have we here?" He spoke in a low, accented voice which she recognised as native to Oon Tiel. They circled each other and he gave her a predatory grin. "We thought all of you offworlders," he spat out the word distastefully; "had been taken care of downstairs".

Fear struck Mara's heart. What had happened at the reception? What had happened to Talon? All anger at him was forgotten as the thought of losing him almost paralysed her.

"Can't say I'm disappointed," the man continued savagely, raking his eyes across her. "Only fair that I get to have me some fun, too."

This caused Mara to launch at herself at him without thinking, catching him around the middle and sending them both to the floor. They tussled for several moments – he was strong and soon was able to throw Mara onto her back painfully. He loomed over her, holding her arms down flat against the floor as he drew a sharp and antique-looking knife from his belt. It was obviously a family heirloom, for she could see the intricate markings through the darkness. Mara gave him a swift kick in the stomach, and succeeded in winding him. She struggled to her feet and advanced on him, ready to finish the job.

But she felt herself being flung backwards and a ripping pain in the back of her head. The blond had recovered and was now holding her by the hair, his vibroblade against her throat, the blood from his broken nose seeping into her tunic. She struggled against him, but he held her tightly as the other two men were again on their feet. The leader slapped her hard across the face and she spit viciously back at him – straight in the eye. The blonde moved his blade closer to her throat, so much that she could feel it burn into her top layer of skin.

But the leader flicked his wrist and the blonde's grip lessened. His smile returned – almost as if he enjoyed her defiance. He grabbed her chin forcefully, making her look him directly in the eyes.

"Your kind are not welcome here. We have shown our traitorous government that." He turned his head slightly, spitting out a small mouthful of blood before advancing on her. Mara tried to retreat, but the other's held her tight. "But I think, in your case," the leader smiled ferally, "We will make an exception."

* * *

><p>It was close to morning, for Mara could see the first glimpse of grey light through the small window near the roof. It was the only one which had not been boarded up or covered for protection. She was still in the Oon Tiel Embassy complex, downstairs, where the reception had been held. A few dead lay around her, stabbed or subdued with blaster fire. Most of the guests, she had been told, were being held hostage in the banquet hall. She was grateful for that – in all likelihood Talon was unharmed.<p>

Mara, however, had been tied to a chair, bound at the wrists, feet and around the waist to prevent her escape. She had been brought to the entrance hall, away from the other hostages. She supposed that she was more of a threat to the rebels.

For she knew who they were now. She had read about them, in her preparations for the negotiations but had dismissed them as too small and ill-equipped to be any sort of a threat. The civil war that had been waged in the years after the collapse of the Empire seemed to most a forgotten memory. There were, of course, small groups, but they were dismissed as mere remnants of a lacklustre rebellion. Though their hate for offworlders and any outside forces were fierce, they had not risen against the government or the New Republic for some time. Their dreams of keeping the Kathol system isolated and secular had all but died except in the hearts of a select, fanatical few.

They had become a ruthless band of pirates, raiding the caravans and transports between the worlds of the system. She realised that these trading negotiations had been an opportunity for them not to be ignored. They could never allow a legal, funded and NR protected trading company such as Talon's to impose authority on the system. It would kill the straggling, already weakened remnants of their cause.

They had barricaded themselves inside the Embassy, calling for the people to rise against the government, against the New Republic. But now that it was morning Mara could hear the faint sounds of heavy blaster fire pounding against the doors. Oon Tiel's security forces had arrived; she needed only to hang on until they breached the fortress.

She looked upon the leader of the gang who had attacked her apartments – he had been her faithful guard. He was in another chair, close to her, casually flipping his knife between his hands. He did not seem concerned with the conflict outside, but had spent the long hours lecturing her as to the gallantry of their cause. He had fallen silent for the moment, for which Mara was glad. She had not been able to keep her tongue silent, and had been rewarded with a few dizzying blows to the head.

He reached inside his tattered jacket and withdrew a small bag of powder which Mara immediately recognised. It was untreated, she could see that through the grainy, unfiltered texture of it, but there was no doubting that it was spice. Suddenly, Mara's head felt light and heavy at the same time, and she looked away.

The pirate was astute, and noticed this immediately. He rose and advanced on her, smiling that sickening, savage grin of his. "Would you like some?" He asked, pleasantly enough, opening the bag carefully with his knife. "I hear it is legal now." He chuckled darkly and lowered himself to his haunches, so that he was eye level with her. "You will do anything to steal from us, won't you?"

Mara tried to keep her voice steady. "I don't know what you mean."

"This," he jiggled the bag softly, so that the sweet, intoxicating scent reached her. Mara involuntarily closed her eyes, and almost didn't hear his next words. "It's ours, we supply it, here. The people thank us for it – it keeps our cause alive. But you would come in and destroy us, make money off my people. You will steal it – use it for your own ends, not for the good of Oon Tiel."

"Is that what you do?" She asked. "Doesn't seem to me that killing innocent people is for the good of anything." That she knew and understood all too clearly.

The pirate shrugged. "They are only offworlders." He indicated the dead that were scattered across the room. "And traitors," he referred the Embassy's guards.

But Mara found she could not answer him, could make no further arguments. The smell of the spice, which was mild to a normal person, filled every molecule of air for her. Those who had never tried it didn't understand the power it had, how the spice called to you, with its scent, its very presence.

A rough hand grabbed her chin again, and Mara opened her eyes. The pirate looked deeply into them, searching or something – searching for the hunger. He smiled, even more dangerously than before, as he began to understand. "I will give you some, offworlder," he said, deceptively pleasant. "If you promise to behave, I will untie you."

Mara shook off his grip and unloaded a string of curses at him, struggling in vain against her bonds. Angered, he grabbed her chin again, squeezing her jaw tightly until she was forced to open her mouth. He then raised the small bag in his other had, tilting it, ready to plunge her into the abyss…

At that moment, the ornate door blew open, the pirate thrown the ground with the force of the blast. Security forces and soldiers swarmed in through the hole created by the explosion and began shooting. Their reprieve had finally arrived.

Mara sighed in relief and with the Force she called the pirate's knife to her hand, awkwardly beginning to work on her bindings. Luckily, the pirate was too distracted dodging laser fire and pulling out his own blaster to bother with her. Mara worked furiously to free herself as more soldiers flocked into the complex. Their weaponry and strategy was far superior, and within minutes it was all over. She hadn't even had the chance to break the bindings around her waist, their liberators were so efficient.

She noticed her captor lying on the floor, wounded but still alive, surrounded by security forces and reluctantly surrendering. Mara regretted she hadn't had the chance to subdue him herself. But he was soon forgotten as a young officer approached her, holstering his blaster and freeing her from the last of her bonds. She didn't bother to thank him, but stood immediately, rubbing her sore wrists and looking around for the correct exit into the banquet hall.

"You alright Miss?" The officer eyed her torn, thin sleep clothes, the bruises covering her skin and the burn on her neck, still stinging painfully. But she was not interested in medical attention, nor would she be forced into it, as such young, eager men often felt compelled to do.

"I'm fine," Mara said shortly, and walked towards the nearest exit. She had to find Talon. It wasn't difficult to identify the banquet hall as it contained dozens of prisoners, still in their gowns and fine clothes, albeit torn and bloodied, being freed and consoled by security forces. She heard hushed whispers of explanation, of reassurance that the perpetrators had all been killed or captured, promises that the medics were on their way. Many delegates and guests were crying, others sat blindly in shock, unresponsive to the soothing of the security forces. But Mara couldn't see Talon among them.

She moved deeper into the room, but the boy had followed her. "Miss, please!" he took hold her arm gently. "The medics have just arrived, let them take a look at you."

Mara threw off his grip tiredly. "I'm fine," she repeated through clenched teeth, and continued walking.

"Miss, you're in shock - "

"Look" she spun around, enraged. She was all set to scream at him, hurt him, anything to make him leave her alone, but she had spotted something familiar in the corner, near the apex of tables. The Oon Tiel Trading Minister was there, painfully letting an officer tend to a blaster burn in his shoulder. By his side was an aide she had spoken with before Karrde had arrived about the specifics of the negotiations. She was dishevelled and clearly upset, but seemed relatively unharmed.

But the figure on the other side of the Minister stopped her cold, and Mara felt all breath being squeezed out of her body.

There was Talon, slumped across the arm of his chair, unmoving. His eyes were open, white and blank, and there was an unmistakeable trail of dried blood that had escaped his mouth, marking a sickening red line down his chin.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_She was smiling – if it could be called that. Her lips were upturned ever so slightly, and lights danced in her eyes. Perhaps it was just the reflection from the fireplace, but to Luke it seemed to complement the happiness that was evident on her face._

_He hadn't said anything especially witty, or clever. He hadn't made any declaration of affection, nor praised her beauty, or charm or poise, despite pondering over those things in detail. He was just there, and she was smiling._

_"What are you thinking?" he asked, shattering the silence._

_She didn't look at him, but her eyes lowered, hiding their colour from him. "Don't ask." He tone was lacked its usual venom. In any other case she would have shown anger, would have unleashed upon him her sharp tone and full viciousness for such an invasive question. A breach on her sanctity. But she was quiet, so Luke knew something was wrong. It was a warning, one in which he had no intention of even considering._

_"Mara." He reached out and gingerly took her into his arms, expecting a resistance that did not come. She allowed herself to be taken, to be held, though her body was stiff and her skin cold. "Don't shut me out."_

_She shifted in his embrace, but made no move to throw him off. "What makes you think you have the right to know everything about me?" Again there was no fire behind her words, only a sad resignation and tiredness._

_"You know why." Gently, he kissed the corner of her mouth._

_The half-smile returned. She shifted again, this time to face him, her eyes deep with an unspoken pain. "You shouldn't risk your heart with me, Luke. It's dangerous."_

_"Haven't you heard?" He grinned at her, his arms tightening. "I'm reckless."_

_Her smile fortified and finally, she wound her hands around him, fingers stroking the nape of his neck, the way he loved. Acceptance and fervour flowed through her Force sense and into his, and he immediately forgot her earlier melancholy, the warning she had given him. Mind wiped clean of everything except the sight of her lips parting, of her eyes closing in anticipation, he leaned in to kiss her._

_But Mara suddenly pulled away, her face contorted in agony. She scrambled away quickly, falling heavily onto the floor in her haste. He leapt after her, trying to regain his hold on her, but she screamed in pain, as if his touch burnt her. His senses swarmed and contracted, as if all oxygen had been sucked from the room, imprisoning them in a vacuum. He couldn't breathe, couldn't move, or speak. He couldn't even touch her, for it only intensified her pain and her screams shattered his very being..._

Luke awoke with his lungs gasping for air. He gulped it in – feeling as if he had been drowning. As blood resumed pumping through his veins, Luke sat up slowly in his bed, realising that his skin and sheets were soaked through with sweat.

It had been some dream. Or perhaps a message from the Force? It hadn't been the first time he'd dreamed of Mara and himself in a romantic situation, but _that_had certainly never happened before.

Luke breathed deeply, calming himself. He was one with the Force, with the very air and matter of his bedroom and apartment, with the lights and sounds of the city outside. He reached out, extending his senses beyond the stars and systems, searching for a reason behind this disturbance, searching for Mara.

Her sense blared brightly, flickering with and intense fury. Or a moment Luke recoiled, stunned by the ferocity and power of her presence. While Mara's strength in the Force was great, it was still volatile and unrefined, difficult to pinpoint or properly capture, even at a short distance. He had never felt anything so powerful or clear from her, especially when she was halfway across the galaxy.

Whatever had happened to Mara, it had caused an unfathomable rift inside her, a break from her very soul. Her new Force sense pulsated rhythmically, purposefully at such a rate and strength that it struck fear into Luke's heart.

He had to go to her.

* * *

><p>It was morning, her wounds were healing and Talon was dead. The medics bustled around the wing, administering to their numerous patients, and Talon was dead. The security forces were in the corridors and outside the buildings on careful watch, and Talon was dead.<p>

She was sitting blankly in her designated bed, and Talon was dead.

The sounds around Mara were muted, she barely heard the chatter of the other wounded, the chippering of the droids who had applied salve to her wrists, had given her sedatives for the pain. But that hadn't stopped the audible tearing of her heart, couldn't erase the image of Talon lying slack, open-eyed and bloodied.

At first she had been numb, cradling his head in her hands carefully, hot tears piercing her eyes but held painfully inside. It had been a stomach wound, the Ambassador had told her, although the blood and torn flesh around his abdomen showed her that clearly enough. Talon had defied the Rebels, the Ambassador had continued, and had received a brutal stab to the stomach for his trouble. The medic had tried to comfort her, had said that he had died quickly, in minimal pain. Mara knew it was a filthy lie. She had seen that kind of wound, seen the victim bleed out painfully. It was a horrible way to die.

But Mara couldn't concentrate on that, not yet. A small detail niggled at her, one that hadn't occurred to her in the beginning, when she had been in shock and immediate pain. But now, hours later, that small clue had resurfaced. A knife, the Ambassador had told her. Not a blaster wound, Talon had been stabbed by a knife. Mara remembered the intricately designed blade the rebel had threatened her with. The same man who had held her captive, had taunted and tempted her, while Talon had been lying in the very next room, dying, slipping away.

Mara burned with a remembered hate. All too clearly old feelings, old habits came back to her, augmenting the pain with heat and fury. Thoughts of revenge were a warm balm on her tattered, struggling mind. She still hadn't slept, although the medic had pleaded with her too. No, she couldn't find rest, not while Talon's killers were in custody, within easy reach of her vengeance. Not when she had played such a huge part in his demise, when he had died without her at his side, physically or emotionally.

They were to stand trial, she had been assured. Every one of them who had not been killed had been captured, and they were close to unearthing their smuggling ring, their contacts and harbourers in the city. But Oon Tiel, in line with New Republic guidelines, had no death penalty.

That thought tormented her, she who had been raised on the very idea that punishment, or disobedience meant death. She would not allow the flighty, weak government to be so lenient, so forgiving.

"Trader Jade?" A particularly annoying med-droid appeared at her side. Mara didn't answer, continuing to stare at the wall in front of her. It had been her stability, her foundation for the hours she had been forced to sit there. "You have a visitor." The droid said, oblivious to her disinterest, before moving to the next bed.

Mara didn't immediately register the gangly, shaggy-haired young man that appeared at her bedside. She didn't want to see anyone. Especially not some do-gooding missionary or counsellor or…

"Mara?" Ghent twisted his hands nervously, obviously shaken by her condition.

She was a little surprised to see him, Mara hadn't known Ghent was on the mission. He must have come on Karrde's ship, she realised. Officially, the slicer worked for New Republic Intelligence but he was frequently "loaned out" to Karrde and the Smuggler's Alliance at a tidy sum.

"Uh…are you okay?" He stammered awkwardly, as she didn't respond. "Well, obviously considering the circumstances you wouldn't be fine, none of us are, but they told us that you'd been injured -"

"Ghent." Mara found some of her equanimity returning.

"And of course I came right down here to see you, not just for business, although I do have to talk to you about that, but I really wanted to see that you were okay and not hurt, I mean, it was a horrible thing to happen -"

"Ghent."

"I'm just glad I wasn't there, it's a good thing I'm not the social type…is that a terrible thing to say? Because, well, it's the truth and I know how you feel about speaking your mind -"

"Ghent!" Mara half-shouted, half-laughed, her anger cooling into a pool of fond affection, for the moment forgetting her pain and vengeful thoughts. She sighed, rubbing her eyes and collecting her scattered wits. Listening to Ghent was worse than a blow to the head, but it pleased her.

"Sorry Mara." Ghent looked sheepish, but smiled somewhat. "I know you're alright if you're yelling at me," he added.

Feeling somewhat more like herself, Mara rolled her eyes. "Thank you Ghent," she said dryly.

He flushed and wrung his hands, and she wasn't sure if he was pleased or embarrassed. But he cleared his throat and continued his tirade, although more to the point this time. "The security forces, well, they thought it would be best if we left as soon as possible, for our own safety," he was saying. "Although I don't see why we would be in any danger if they caught everyone, but…"

Mara knew – politics. Although it caused a problem for her. There was no way she would be able to get close to the captured rebels, not with security knowing her face and perhaps anticipating her intent.

"…and with you being second-in-command, well, at least, you were, we thought we'd leave it to you," Ghent finished.

"What are you talking about?" Her head was still sore, and Ghent's words were making little sense to her.

"We need someone to take the ship and the crew back to Coruscant," Ghent explained. "And I know you're hurt, Mara, but after Talon…I mean, everyone knows he was going to pass the business onto you eventually…"

Mara sighed. For years she had wanted to run her own organisation but the position was hollow now, tainted. But she still had a responsibility to Karrde's people, who she had worked alongside and commanded and fought with. Talon would have wanted her to look after them.

She would have to wait for her retribution. In time, security would lessen on the captives and she would have her chance, this she promised herself. She would not falter, or show weakness or frailty in the face of her responsibility. Mara Jade never shirked from a duty, no matter how distasteful, or damaging.

She always succeeded.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The funeral was a small, quiet affair. Karrde, like Mara, had never been one for pomp and ceremony – she wouldn't have his death contradict his life, as so many relatives and friends were fond of doing for their deceased loved ones. No, it was a simple service – not a politician, ambassador or official in sight. The exception was Organa Solo and her husband. Although Mara would rather have spared herself their pitying glances and Organa-Solo's oh-so-perfect condolences, Karrde had been fond of both of them. She didn't really know why – he had liked Skywalker, too.

Who was one person conspicuous by his absence. Mara was certain he would have been there, eager to offer her comfort and his special brand of Jedi advice. She swore that if he said she should be happy Talon had joined the Force she would deck him. Hard.

But he wasn't there. Organa Solo didn't seem to know where he had gone – off planet, somewhere. Mara didn't enquire further. She didn't really care.

Mara hadn't added her tears to the flood the gathered few seemed so willing to shed for Talon. Honestly she had expected more from his close friends – hardened ex-smugglers and pirates most of them. But they hid their faces, fresh with tears as many recounted their time with Talon, the difference he had made on their lives. Ghent had blubbered horribly until he couldn't talk, looking lost and forlorn. Only Mara was strong among them, could not let their grief, their weakness touch her. She did not weep for him – Talon would not have wanted that. She stood resolute, only a slight flinch betraying her as they lit the funeral pyre.

Flames licked around him, freeing his soul to the stars and Mara did not dare take her eyes off it. Inside she was reeling, her emotions and thoughts swirling, and abyss of pain and despair. This was finality – it wasn't a dream she could wake from. She would never see that knowing smile on his face, that sound advice he administered, even when she had not asked for it. He had loved her for her flaws, in a way the Emperor never had. With her former master, it had always been to please him, to be worthy of him. With Talon it had been an acceptance – and she wanted to do well because she wished it, not because it was demanded of her.

Who would she turn to now that her confidant was truly gone? No one knew her, understood her at all. Watching the flames engulf his lifeless body, Mara came to face the truth.

Talon was dead, and she was alone.

* * *

><p>Luke Skywalker eyed the occupants of the bar, grimacing at the seediness of the place. He was no stranger to sordid dives such as this, but it was hard to believe that it was still Coruscant. The atmosphere and clientele reminded him more of a bar in Mos Eisley than it did to the gleaming, busy capital. There were various species drinking and gambling in the booths, glaring at him suspiciously, but Luke ignored them. Scanning the room he came across the object of his search, a redhead alone at the bar, drink in hand and head slumped.<p>

"Mara." Reaching her swiftly, Luke touched her arm gently to get her attention. She looked up sluggishly and he was shocked at the sight of her bloodshot eyes, matted and limp hair and pallid, clammy skin. She did not seem to register or recognise him and simply threw off his grip weakly before returning to her drink.

"'Bout time someone came for her," the gruff barman called out. "Been here three days. Wouldn't let me throw her out." He rubbed his arm, which Luke noticed looked swollen and bruised.

Three days? Luke ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. He'd made it to Oon Tiel only to discover that she'd already left with the rest of Karrde's crew. In order not to make the trip completely worthless, he'd gathered as much information as he could surrounding the siege at the Embassy and the circumstances of Karrde's death. It seemed now that he'd made a mistake – when he'd returned Leia had informed him that the memorial service had already been held and that Mara had all but disappeared. Worried, he'd followed her shaky Force sense, which had lead him to Coruscant's lower levels.

"What're you doin' here, Skywalker?" Mara asked sluggishly, startling Luke. Apparently she'd heard him after all.

Thankful that despite appearances, she seemed to be lucid enough, Luke took a seat beside her. "I'm sorry I wasn't at the service, Mara. I should have been there for you." He didn't explain the reason for his absence, he wasn't sure he could without mentioning his dream and that was not a subject he wished to discuss with her. Not now.

"Apology accepted," she intoned blandly without looking up from her glass. Several long moments passed and Luke was unsure of how to respond or to put into words how much he wanted to help her through her grief. He was sure she would see it as pity; one emotion he knew Mara could not stand. Eventually, she fixed him with a cloudy yet recognisably irritated glare. "You can go now."

"Mara," Luke began cautiously, "If you want to talk about what happened -"

"I don't," she cut him off firmly. She then returned to studiously ignoring him. For the next several minutes he tried to engage her, get her to at least accept what had happened, but she seemed to want to bury herself. Luke understood that people grieved in different ways, but he didn't think that numbing herself with third-rate alcohol was helping her situation at all. He'd seen many of his piloting colleagues ruin themselves that way after a bad skirmish or death of a close friend. They'd immersed themselves so deep into the drink until nothing could save them from a blank, anaesthetised existence. Even the danger of that happening to Mara frightened him.

But she wouldn't listen. Eventually they lapsed into silence, until Mara deigned to speak. "I forgot how good this stuff was," she intoned, indicating the drink in her hand and drowning the last of it. She wobbled slightly on her stool and Luke wondered how long it had been since she'd drunk heavily. Briefly searching his memory, Luke couldn't actually recall a time where she imbibed alcohol at all. She was quite fond of caf, he knew, and at social functions she usually stuck to water or the fancy non-alcoholic fruity concoctions popular with Coruscant's social elite. While she seemed relatively coherent there was no denying the drink was affecting her adversely.

"Mara, let me take you home. Please." He tugged gently on her arm.

Before he'd even realised she'd moved, Luke found a nasty blaster pointed directly at his chest. He recognised it as the small but completely deadly spare she kept in her wrist holster. "You stay away from me, Skywalker" she said with deadly venom. She hadn't spoken to him that way since the days of the Thrawn Crisis, so he knew she was serious. It was unwise to provoke her.

"Fine". Luke nodded and backed away, towards the door. He would wait outside, if need be, and when she was ready to leave, he'd be there for her. Sitting in the gutter outside a seedy bar was not his ideal way to spend the night, but he would just have to endure it.

"He left me the organisation". Mara's voice came suddenly, losing all of its malice and sounding almost forlorn.

Luke halted. "Excuse me?"

Mara had swivelled on her stool and was now staring him down intently, her eyes somewhat clearer. She sighed irritably. "The organisation. He left it to me".

Luke hurried back to sit beside her, choosing his words carefully. "Isn't that I good thing, though? It's always been your dream to own your own company" She grunted and turned back to the bar, but he pressed on. "I know the circumstances are not… ideal…but now you have the opportunity..."

"But I didn't _earn_ it, Skywalker. It's not _mine_."

"Talon wouldn't have left it to you if he didn't think you deserved it," he reasoned.

"You just don't get it." She turned away, sullen, gesturing to the bartender for another drink.

Luke reached out to stall her hand. "I think you've had enough." He tried to make his voice as gentle as possible, but was sterner than he had intended.

Mara laughed bitterly. "Enough? I don't think I've had _nearly_enough."

"Come on, Mara," he said, exasperated. "You know this isn't helping."

"What makes you think you know what I'm feeling?" Her hostility was back as she shot him an accusing glare.

Luke wasn't deterred, however. "I'm no stranger to grief, Mara," he said quietly.

"Oh, that's right. I forgot," she sneered, rising to her feet. "Holy Jedi Master has the monopoly on grief. His Sith of a Father dies on him and suddenly he's an expert."

Her words stung, but Luke was careful not to let it show. "It was more than just my father, Mara," he responded softly.

"What, that old hermit of a Jedi Master?" She scoffed. "You knew him what, two days? Hardly enough to grieve over. And, let's see…" She pretended to think the matter over carefully. "Those farmers who raised you? Well, we all know how much you _loved_living with them."

Luke held his tongue, although his fist was clenched so tightly his knuckles had turned white. That was what she wanted – to provoke him into an argument but he wasn't about to give in to her. He knew it was just an outlet.

"Now, who have I forgotten?" She was still speaking, heedless to the pain the memories were causing him. "Who else has died in the Skywalker Cause?"

"Mara, that's enough." Luke rose to his feet and grabbed her shoulder, harder than he intended, but enough to shake her out of her rant. Rather than be shocked by his actions, Mara's eyes were alive, pleased, even. She was ready for a fight. She wanted one. "You've made your point."

"No, Skywalker," she said, her voice lowered and her expression dimming. "The point is that you've made peace with everyone who up and died on you. Your aunt and uncle – they knew that you loved them. Kenobi sacrificed himself for your sake." Her breathing became ragged, and Luke could tell she was painfully holding in her tears. "And your father… You told me you were able to speak to him, before…it happened. He knew…"

Luke's grip softened, and he moved closer to embrace her. "Mara…"

"You can't help me Luke." Mara pulled away, a strange expression on her face. "Don't try." And she stalked out of the bar, albeit on shaky, uncertain legs.

"Oi!" The bartender waddled over to the place where they had been sitting, his palm open and his face murderous. Luke dug around in his pockets and threw as many credits as he had on the table, before dashing out into the street which had grown dark with the approaching night cycle.

Mara hadn't gone far, however. She sat in the gutter nearby, out of the reach of the bright, garish street lights. Through the Force he felt a strong repellent and a warning, but he ignored it. Luke sat down near, rather than beside her. He felt it would be best not to crowd her physically at the very least.

"You know Mara," he began softly, careful to keep his eyes on the stars above. "There isn't a moment when I don't feel responsible for all of those deaths you talked about. My aunt and uncle, my father and Ben…they all died for me, or because of me. That isn't a good feeling." He sighed. "Maybe I don't understand exactly what you're going through. Maybe I can't help you. But I can try."

Mara shifted a little, her bowed head turning slightly towards him. "Maybe I don't want your help." But her tone was bare and vulnerable, begging for reassurance.

"Ah." Luke managed a smile. "Not your decision I'm afraid."

When Luke Skywalker made up his mind, it was forever and binding. And he decided at that moment that he was going to help her whether she wanted him to or not.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 **

Mara wasn't sure why Skywalker had brought her back to his apartment. Yet there she was, sprawled on his living room couch, the sun pouring in obtrusively through the huge transparisteel windows. Groaning, Mara rolled over in attempt to block the light, her head throbbing in immense proportions.

At least if you never stopped drinking, you generally could avoid the hangover, as she had done for the past several days she'd spent in a wonderfully numb stupor. Of course, Skywalker had forced her to sober up, which meant her symptoms had compounded exponentially and were now near-unbearable.

Perhaps that was why he'd brought her there, to force her into sobriety. _Damn do-gooding Jedi_, she thought vengefully. Mara rose on shaky, uncooperative legs, clutching the arm of the couch for support. She rubbed her eyes with her free hand until her vision cleared and the pain lessened somewhat. At least, she considered, the Force was helpful it that aspect, although he would never let Skywalker know it. She was the one always chiding him on unnecessary Force use, after all.

Slowly but diligently, Mara searched the apartment, ready to let Skywalker know exactly what she thought about his presumption. She had full intentions on upbraiding him on bringing her to his apartment, about him not being able to just leave her alone, like everyone else had known to do.

But strangely, he was nowhere to be found. Although Mara did discover a datapad by his comm unit with a message from Luke.

_Mara,_

_Sorry I won't be there when you wake up – I had some urgent Jedi business to attend to and will be back this evening. _

_Make yourself at home - please don't leave._

_Luke_

Throwing away the datapad in disgust, Mara examined the room more thoroughly. As saintly as Skywalker was, there _had _to be some kind of liquor stashed somewhere in the place.

It had been all too easy, really, to lose herself in the cool amber liquid, to numb herself from the pain. Three days she had spent in that bar, where people didn't ask questions, where they didn't ask how she was feeling, or what she was going to do, or to tell her that everything was going to be alright. All they'd ask was just what she wanted to drink.

It had hit her quickly, the blunting of her senses, the exquisite numbness of intoxication. After all, she hadn't drunk anything remotely alcoholic in years, not since Talon…

But it had all come back to her, stronger and fuller than before. Three blissful days without worries, without memories. That was what she was rewarded with – ignorance, apathy. It had felt so good. So much so that now she was sober, Mara's mouth felt dry, parched without its smooth, refreshing texture and taste. Her stomach felt empty, although reason told her that was because it had been completely emptied in the early hours of the morning.

But the thought did not deter Mara as she diligently searched Skywalker apartment. Surely he had _something_, she thought; wine stashed away for that special occasion, a gift of brandy from his brother-in-law or any one of the other equally liquor-happy Corellians Skywalker seemed to surround himself with. _Anything_.

Mara grew desperate, leaving datapads, pots and pans, towels and other assorted goods in her wake as she searched every opening and enclosure of Skywalker's small apartment without success. Sweat broke out on her forehead and Mara ran her hands through her hair shakily. It wasn't as if she needed it, she told herself. It was just a drink, to calm her nerves. To balance herself.

As Mara entered Luke's bedroom she felt that niggling, annoying flag of conscience. She shouldn't be looking through Skywalker's personal things like this. But on the other hand, his note had said to make herself at home. But his bedroom…

Mara dismissed the notion immediately. The man was a monk, he certainly had nothing to hide concerning that room more than any other. And the felt the craving growing, demanding to be appeased.

She was searching the side dresser when she felt it – a horrible, intense rush of pain. Her mind whirled uncontrollably, and she collapsed onto the bed, shaking.

_She felt the pirate's knife at her throat, digging small, painful holes into her skin, staining her…she saw the spice, clutched in his hand, the maddening look in his eyes…his face, unshaven and dirty, advancing on her…Talon…her Talon, on his back, and the blood…the blood covering his abdomen, his robes, his pale, dead face….the fire consuming him, taking him from her, leaving only ashes…ashes…_

Trying to suppress a scream and the tears that had been threatening her for days, Mara buried her face into the pillow. She willed the images away, attempting to build a shield around herself, to keep them out. But they were within her, and could not be expelled. They ate at her, becoming more vivid, becoming louder, and she cried in anguish, burying herself deeper into the softness of Luke's bed.

It was then that Mara was assaulted by much different, stranger images. Her own faded away and were replaced by new, slightly fuzzy reflections she knew were not her own memories or thoughts.

_"Mara…" _

The voice was low and throaty, but there was no mistaking its owner. Skywalker.

Mara became very still, concentrating solely on the images and sounds being presented to her. They cleared slightly, and through the darkness she could see figures…two? It was difficult to tell.

_"Mara…"_

He said it again, this time desperately, as the figures came into focus. One was clearly Skywalker, and the other…there was no mistaking her own red hair.

Mara launched herself away from the bed, reeling from the images that had just assaulted her. Her skin was burning, and her mind…she couldn't seem to rid herself of the image of her and Luke entwined, of his breathy voice calling her name so…so…_intimately_.

It hadn't been a vision, not her own, anyway. The feelings and sensations had been somewhat distant, as if she was reliving someone else's memory….or dream.

And suddenly it all made sense. His behaviour at the state dinner, his conversations with Talon, if unquenchable desire to _help_her, to be with her when everyone else had the sense to leave her alone. And now these images – remnants of one dream or another, powerful enough to linger and show themselves to her like that.

There was only one possible explanation. And that was that Skywalker, saintly, celibate Jedi Master, wanted her.

* * *

><p>Luke arrived late in the evening, looking rather ragged and pale. Evidently it had not been an easy day for him. Mara was sitting on the couch again, flicking aimlessly through the holonet.<p>

"Mara!" He sounded surprised to see her, but Mara could see that he was pleased, at the very least his weary expression brightened a bit.

"Surprised I'm still here, Skywalker?" She turned her attention back to the holonet where a holoreporter was looking very concerned about sub-level Coruscant dwellers being charged extra credits for lift service.

"Well…yes," Luke admitted, removing his cloak and taking a seat near her. "I half expected never to see you again." He smiled wryly, but Mara could see the truth behind his soft-spoken words.

"Well, you're just lucky then." Mara turned her attention away from the holonet.

"I am," he replied earnestly, and for a moment Mara caught the deep look in his blue eyes. She recognised it, now. Talon's words came back to her, about Skywalker liking her, caring for her. She had dismissed it at the time, but she could no longer ignore the evidence, not when it had been displayed to her so clearly.

"My offer is still open, you know," he continued softly, most likely spurned on by her obvious sobriety and the fact she had not lashed into him the moment he entered the room. "To talk."

"Do you like me, Skywalker?" Mara spoke abruptly, changing the subject.

Luke looked slightly confused. "Of course I like you Mara. You know that."

"No." Mara sighed. "On Oon Tiel…he…" Mara still couldn't say his name. She even had trouble thinking it. "He said that you were…falling for me. Is that true?" She spoke plainly, as if she was asking him the time, something that clearly perturbed Luke.

"Uh…." He seemed unable to speak for several moments, a stricken, scared look on his face.

"I'm not going to kill you if it is."

"Well…" Luke swallowed heavily. "Talon is very perceptive".

Was, Mara corrected him inwardly. He _was _perceptive.

"And I suppose you noticed my behaviour at the state dinner," he continued quickly, watching her keenly. "I can't really deny that over the past few months, the way I've felt about you has…changed."

"Oh." Mara nodded, considering. She felt Luke's eyes on her, and his slight panic in the Force. Obviously he was confused by her lack of reaction.

"You don't have to worry about anything, Mara," he continued, a note of anxiety in his voice. "Nothing has to change between us. I wont - "

But she had already crossed the room and pressed her mouth to his, silencing his next words in a brutal kiss. There was no hesitation on her part, and although he was clearly surprised, once he realised her intent he returned the kiss thoroughly. It hadn't been Mara's objective, but somehow it seemed to right, the perfect solution to her problems. It was something she needed, more than alcohol, to block out and cover her memories and visions.

Luke had it, and he would give it to her willingly.

"Mara…" He pulled away, breathing heavily, his eyes lidded. "This isn't right. You're grieving." There were a million protestations and objections in his eyes, in his mind, but Mara wasn't about to hear any of them.

She kissed him again, hard, as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body to his. "No," she murmured against his mouth. "That's not what this is." Something in her voice or eyes must have convinced him, because he then returned her kisses with equal fervour.

There was no stopping her after that, and Luke was a willing partner, not daring to try and halt the proceedings again. It was so easy to make him give in to her. Eventually, she led him to the bedroom, where she had stumbled across his dreams, and proceeded to fulfil them. It was better than she could have hoped – better than she had remembered. Luke was different to any other man she had been with, different in his touch, his taste, in the way he made love to her as if it was more than just one night.

Mara kept her eyes closed the whole time, but she could not block out the feelings – his feelings – that flowed to her through the Force, that spoke to her in ways the actions of his body did not. And when they were finished, he held her tightly and kissed her forehead, whispering sweet, inconsequential things in her ear, soothing them both to sleep.

But in the morning she dressed without waking him and left.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"You slept with her?" Han stared at him with a mixture of astonishment and unabashed pride. "I always knew you had it in ya, kid," He chuckled and leaned back on Luke's couch, obviously pleased.

"Han, she _used_ me." The words stung at Luke's heart, but he couldn't deny their truth. When he had woken without her after their night together, Luke had reached out for her presence, only to find the way blocked. She had allowed in the past few years the opening up of a tentative connection through the Force, but now her barriers were tighter than they had ever been. At first Luke had worried she had returned to the bar he'd found her in and had scoured Coruscant's underground to no success. Eventually he had learned that the _Hunter's Luck_, her current ship, had gained clearance and left in the early morning. She'd run away.

"…men who would give their right eye to be used by Mara Jade," Han was saying. Luke snapped back to attention and gave him an exasperated look. Couldn't he see how serious the situation was? "Alright, alright," Han raised his hands in mock defeat. "I get it." He stood up slowly and made his way to Luke's kitchen.

Luke didn't follow him, but remained sprawled in the armchair where Han had found him earlier. He hadn't left the spot for two days. Too many questions burned in his mind, too much hurt shifted inside of him to even bother about completing the work he'd come to Coruscant especially to complete. There were meetings he had to organise, people he had to see, an entire list of Academy business Tionne had marked out for him, but he had postponed it all. It wasn't like him, Luke knew, to just push everything aside like that, but his heart and mind were utterly confused.

Hadn't Mara come on to him, hadn't she all but demanded that he make love to her? Images and sounds of their night together continued to surface, tormenting him with their intensity. Luke had thought, holding her close in his arms, in his bed, that he had finally broken through to Mara, to the woman underneath that he so desperately wanted to know. Obviously, he had been wrong, and the misjudgment had cost him dearly.

"Can't actually say I'm surprised," Han returned holding two cups of caf, one of which he handed to Luke before taking his former position on the couch.

Luke took a sip of caf and blanched. Han had obviously laced it strongly with Corellian whiskey. "Not surprised?" he set the caf down and glared at his brother-in-law accusingly. "What, that women flee after spending one night in my company?" Luke was tired, he was irritable, and he just couldn't humour Han's insensitivity at the moment.

"Oh, so you're going to be moody, then?" Han smiled indulgently. "A spectacular return to form after the calm Jedi Master act you've been putting on, kid."

Luke bristled at the words and was about to offer a harsh retort when suddenly he was reminded of a very similar situation, not a decade ago. It was after a rather passionate but short-lived relationship he'd had with a hyperdrive mechanic, shortly before the Rebellion's settlement on Hoth. Luke had cared about her but it had ended badly, which had resulted in Han, once again, coming to his rescue, ready to offer comfort and advice.

He _was_being moody, Luke realised, just as he had been then. Maybe he had a right to be angry, to be upset, but not to take it out on his friend. Though Han had most likely been sent on Leia's orders, Luke did not doubt that the Corellian would have come to him in any event. And he was trying to help.

"Look, Luke," Han broke the silence and lent forward towards him, suddenly serious. "You have to understand that not everyone thinks the way that you do. What you and Mara shared…you saw it as the beginning of something, but for some people it's just an easy release. Something to fill the void."

It took a few moments for him to construct Han's meaning properly. "Surely you never…"

"Luke," Han sighed. "Even you're not that naïve. You saw what it was like in the Rebellion, even if you tried to ignore it."

Luke remembered – he had been educated by the Rouges on the particulars of war courtships very early in the game. Luke, however, had always preferred to seek out women the old-fashioned way, or more precisely, Uncle Owen's way. He never slept with any women on a whim, reserving a physical joining for those he was emotionally and tangibly involved with. Of course, Mara seemed to be the exception, but Luke had thought…

He pushed that notion from his mind. "That was different," he countered, "it was a war, people were dying…"

"What do you think smuggling is?" Han shook his head and gave him a sad smile. "It's a dangerous profession, Luke. All of us have pasts and most of us are trying to run from them. I'm sure Mara is no exception." Han sighed. "Look, I'm not excusing what she did to you, but after what's happened in the past few weeks…."

It was the thought Luke had been trying to avoid for the past two days. That Mara had simply used him, that he had just been another stimulant, like the alcohol, to take her mind off her grief about Talon.

"You haven't heard from her at all?" Han asked gently.

"She's left Coruscant. I tried calling her, but her comm is always switched off and she won't return my messages. Of course the Smuggler's Alliance was less than willing to give me any information at all about where she's gone." Luke sighed irritably. He was so close to just jumping in his X-wing and scouring the galaxy for her. Maybe she had gone to Kessel, or perhaps Myrkr, for the memories. If she had gone back to Oon Tiel…

"Look, Luke," Han gave him a look he usually reserved for his wayward and curious children. "You can't push her. She obviously doesn't want to be found."

"But I know if we just talked…."

"What do you want to hear?" Han looked at him sternly. "You think you'll lay your Jedi charm on her and she'll come running into your arms? Women like Mara aren't like that," Han took an apprehensive breath. "And you shouldn't expect her to be."

Luke felt stung. He knew Han was very intuitive, and he had always seemed to like Mara, understand her, even. Had Luke been putting unrealistic expectations on his feelings for Mara? Did he expect her to just throw off every self-preserving urge in her body and give her heart to him willingly? It sounded ludicrous from the Mara he knew, but then again, the Mara he knew wouldn't have thrown herself at him in the way that she had. The real question he had to ask himself was; did he know Mara at all?

"Not an easy woman to love," Luke murmured to himself, a small amount of understanding dawning on him.

"What?"

"Just something Karrde said to me once," Luke said very quietly. "He was warning me, I think."

"Karrde was a very smart man, and he knew Mara better than anyone." For a moment, a deep, shaded grief crossed Han's stalwart face. "Maybe you should respect his advice, if you're not going to listen to mine."

"No, Han, I appreciate it, but…" Luke trailed off and closed his eyes. What was there to say? He couldn't just pretend nothing had happened.

"You haven't fallen in love with her?" Han seemed shocked, staring at him incredulously.

"No," Luke answered quickly. "I just…" He found himself unable to find the right words.

"You could," Han nodded, understanding. The thought seemed to pain him, for he rubbed his forehead and sighed. "You're a lost cause, kid," he said, not unkindly, then threw Luke a lopsided grin. "But we love ya for it." He drowned the last of his caf and rose, chuckling quietly to himself.

Luke suddenly realised that he was going to go straight home and inform his sister all about their conversation. "Look, Han, don't tell Leia, okay?" Luke stood, glancing anxiously at his brother-in-law. Han looked apprehensive, Luke knew he what he was asking wasn't an easy task. "I just don't want her to worry, she's got enough to deal with at the moment," he elaborated somewhat lamely.

Han wasn't convinced, either. "That and she might feel honour bound to seek Mara out and cause her serious bodily harm," he raised a playful eyebrow at Luke.

"That too," Luke replied sheepishly. Not that he didn't think Mara could hold her own, it was just he would rather not have his sister changing off on his behalf. Not before Luke had a chance to settle things with Mara himself.

"It's not going to be easy, kid," Han grimaced, perhaps realising just how difficult a task deceiving Leia would be. "She sent me out specifically to find out what was wrong with you."

"Please, Han." Luke looked at him pleadingly, hoping their friendship would win out over his guilt over lying to Leia.

"Alright," Han grumbled, seeing Luke's desperate expression. "I'll think of something…"

* * *

><p>Mara stirred into wakefulness, sighing pleasantly as she felt the warmth of another body pressed against her. She would never have expected to find comfort in Luke's arms, but there he was, surrounding her, keeping her safe. He would always be there for her, he'd said as much and he'd since proved it in spades.<p>

But as Mara woke up more fully, that feeling of contentment evaporated. She shifted in the bed, confused by the strangeness of the feeling. It didn't feel like Luke beside her, it didn't _smell_like Luke's bed, that strange mixture of warm sand and clean, fresh air. Something was different…something was wrong.

"Good morning, beautiful." A rich voice came from behind her and Mara flipped quickly around, suddenly wide awake. Dark eyes and a gleaming, too-perfect smile greeted her and Mara felt all breath crushed from her body. Hastily, she pulled away from her bed companion, drawing the sheets tightly around herself. "A bit late for that," Lando grinned and propped himself up on one elbow, gazing at her adoringly. "I take it the fact you haven't slit my throat is a good sign?"

Mara tried to give him a dismissive smile, but she felt her lungs constricting. She sat up, gripping the sheets protectively and turning quickly away. This wasn't happening to her. It couldn't be.

She had been so shaken when she'd left Luke's a few days previously. It was cruel, she knew that, but nonetheless had tried to dismiss her niggling doubts. It had been his choice – she hadn't forced him. But she couldn't escape the knowledge that Luke would have seen their encounter in a completely different light. And then there was the fact that despite trying hard to convince herself that he had just been another man, that he hadn't affected her in the slightest, her memories of their night together had been hard to ignore.

And then there was her business meeting with Lando on Kessel, where as was his custom, he'd offered her a strong drink. She remembered thinking that she would prove something to herself – to get the image of Skywalker out of her mind – and knew of one very easy way to do it.

Lando was speaking again, waffling on about his happiness on finally breaking her shell and other such nonsense. Mara blocked out the sound of his voice, cringing inwardly. Her thoughts kept wandering back to Luke and the look of sheer happiness and ecstasy on his face as they had lain together, about how deeply hurt he would be by her actions.

By the Force, what had she done?


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

There was no doubting that Lando Calrissian was an extremely happy man. He was beginning to think that his attentions to Mara Jade would never pay off – she was the only woman who had eluded his advances, once he had set his sights on her. For months now Lando's affection had diminished into a light teasing, because while it seemed to annoy her, she tolerated it good-humouredly. It made their business relationship a bit more palatable, a bit more exciting. He had never expected her to actually respond, although he was exceptionally pleased she had.

The feeling was akin to winning an especially difficult hand of Sabacc, albeit more on pure luck than on any slick operation on his part. She had come to see him on Kessel for a long-overdue business meeting, and he had been pleased when she had accepted the strong brandy he offered her. He hadn't forgotten that Talon's death would still be fresh in her mind and in Lando's experience it was the best way to calm nerves.

He hadn't brought it up; since Lando was sure the subject was still too painful for her. They all had liked Karrde; he had been a kind, decent man, and a damn good smuggler. It was a great loss to their industry, and Lando mourned him deeply, although he would never admit it to Mara. He had instead tried to talk business as they both shared the brandy, but Mara seemed preoccupied, often lapsing into silence, and then studying his features intently as he tried to keep her entertained. But she had suddenly thrown herself at him and that had been the end of it.

Of course, they had both been rather drunk at that stage, but Lando wouldn't let that small fact dampen his mood. After all, a woman like Mara Jade didn't allow herself to become too intoxicated if she didn't want to, and he had never seen her vulnerable. She was the last woman in the galaxy that would let herself be taken advantage of.

No, he was assuredly convinced that he'd won Mara Jade's complete and unequivocal affection.

* * *

><p>Calrissian was driving her insane. He kept flitting about her, twirling his moustache, swinging his cape around when he walked and throwing her continuous, self-important grins. That and she was certain he was leering at her every time she wasn't looking, now that he knew what exactly was underneath her clothes.<p>

It was at the very least distracting and at the worst, provoking her to consider a relapse to her assassination days.

Mara tried in vain to concentrate on the expenditure reports that had been shamefully neglected. Lando had a keen head for business, but all too often he delegated the more the tedious jobs out to their workers, some of whom appeared to be underqualified in this particular area. She sighed, concentrating on the numbers, mentally calculating them, trying to find a solution that was efficient and conceivable.

But she lost count as Lando appeared at her side and gave her an affectionate nip on the ear. Mara recoiled immediately, sending him a venomous look. Rather than be affronted, Lando simply smiled and sat back against her desk, his ostentatious cape obscuring the datapad she had been working on.

"Come now, Mara," he admonished her. "You've been working all day, surely you need a break," he grinned foolishly. "I'm sure I can think of a way to get your mind off things."

Mara felt her gut twist at his words, but she quelled the urge to cause him physical harm. "If you'd kept you mind _on_these figures I wouldn't have to be working like this," she snapped.

Lando was unperturbed, he gave her an indulgent look and patted her thigh. "You really should let the administrator I hired handle that," he said. "He came with very good recommendations."

Mara snorted. "From where, the Sabacc table?"

"Anyway," Lando changed the subject very quickly. "I really do believe we can occupy ourselves with more appealing matters, my dear," his hand crept lithely up her thigh, and he moved to kneel beside her. He began to kiss her neck and Mara didn't immediately pull away. She had been excessively cold to him the entire day, and yet his demeanour, his happiness remained unchecked. It was certainly a change from Skywalker's frequent mood swings and fretting.

It was her business who she slept with, wasn't it? She didn't owe Skywalker anything, she hadn't promised him exclusivity. And she couldn't deny that Lando was highly skilled and experienced in this area. Mara closed her eyes, as Lando stepped up his ministrations.

But as soon as she did, the truth washed over her like a cold blanket, dampening any desire or need. She didn't want Lando, it didn't feel right with _him_, and it didn't help her, or ease any of her pain. Not like it had been with…

She kept seeing Luke's face – remembering the way _Luke_had touched her, how he had sounded and smelt. Lando's caresses felt alien to her, all of a sudden making her skin crawl. Mara pulled away violently from him, almost tripping over her chair in her haste to be out of his reach.

"Mara?" Lando stood, seeming genuinely confused. "Are you alright?"

Mara didn't answer, but gave him a cold, hard glare and crossed her arms over her chest in a protective gesture.

Lando appeared to misconstrue her actions, because he gave her a playful grin. "I should know better," he said, "than to attempt to charm you out of doing work." He took a step towards her and stretched out his hand. "You dedication is admirable, Mara, don't let me distract you," he winked at her. "We can have fun later."

The words sounded vile to Mara, and she forcefully battered his hands away when he tried to reach out for her. "Don't touch me," she snapped.

Lando looked shocked – perhaps realising that she wasn't simply teasing him, or annoyed at his romantic overtures, but that she was _angry_. "Mara?" he looked a little frightened.

"Look, Calrissian," she spat out his name with vengeance. "I don't want you taking any more liberties with me. Just because you were lucky enough to get me drunk once does not mean you can lay your lay your hands on me anytime you want."

"But I thought you wanted - "

"I don't care what I said then. I'm telling you now to leave me alone." Mara knew she sounded irrational, but an unexplained rage filled her. How _dare_he complicate her life, expect her to fall completely for his purported charm simply because her body had betrayed her?

Lando furrowed his brow, obviously trying to catalogue and decipher her strange behaviour. "This is about Talon, isn't it?"

Her arm moved of its own volition as she forcefully threw her datapad at Lando's head. He ducked, wide-eyed, almost as if he couldn't believe what had just happened.

"How _dare_you say his name," Mara's anger only intensified. They all had done it – spoke of him so easily, so freely. How could they, when she could not even bear to think his name? "Get out!" She was incensed, knowing that if he stayed she would not be able to control the rage that had possessed her.

Too stunned to speak, Lando merely picked up the datapad which luckily had not broken, and handed it gingerly back to her. For a moment, Mara caught a fleeting, sorrowful look on his face. She turned her head resolutely away, unwilling to think about his possible feelings, to admit that she had wounded him. He left silently, and Mara was alone.

Hours passed, but Mara was still unable to concentrate on her work. Figures, dates and words swarmed before her eyes, but the more frustrated she became, the less sense they made. Eventually she threw the datapad again, this time against the wall, where it finally surrendered to her abuse and malfunctioned, sending sparks across the floor.

Mara put her head in her hands, rubbing her weary eyes. Not only was she in a complete mess regarding Luke, she had now alienated Lando, her business partner and she had to admit, friend. And with…_him_gone…she honestly didn't think she could take any more pressure in her life.

"Trader Jade?" A young man with dark features entered the room cautiously. It took Mara a few moments to recognise him as her assistant, Tanner. "Are you alright? I heard a crash," his black eyes looked at her searchingly and Mara felt scrutinised under his gaze. It was one of the reasons she had hired him, his quick mind never missed any detail, however small. Unfortunately it failed her in times such as these, when she wanted to be left alone.

He noticed the datapad lying in pieces on the floor and went to retrieve it, shooting her an undecipherable look. He was always so hard to read, Mara wasn't sure if he looked disappointed or nonplussed. He didn't mention the damage in either case.

"Someone called Aves commed this morning," he said, studying her intently. "He is the pilot of the _Wild Karrde_, yes?"

Mara sighed. That was all she needed. "Yes," she replied wearily.

"He was inquiring as to whether you've made a decision regarding the organisation. If I may say so, he seemed a bit irritated you hadn't informed anyone of your departure."

"He found me though, didn't he?"

"As did Master Skywalker," Tanner grimaced. "He has been most insistent that he speak with you. I keep telling him that you are too busy to speak to anyone but he seems to think what he has to say is more important than the running of your business."

"Thank you, Tanner," Mara replied, discomfort once again settling on her, perhaps even guilt. "I just can't…"

"I understand," Tanner nodded, his face still inscrutable. "This Aves was also quite indignant about when you would be returning to Coruscant."

To Coruscant? She couldn't go back there. She couldn't face Luke, after what she had done to him, couldn't bear to see the hurt in his eyes. Anxiety began to overwhelm Mara, and she felt antsy, caged. She couldn't deal with Aves, either, who would want the fate of the organisation decided, and she didn't think she could deal with that, yet. But the crew – they were languishing on Coruscant, waiting for her decision, for her to take charge. Mara knew that she couldn't return to Coruscant, couldn't helm the _Wild Karrde_, a ship, a people that were not her own.

And she couldn't stay on Kessel, either – not with how she'd spoken to Lando. She had always known he'd held a deep affection for her and she had betrayed their friendship, their partnership by sleeping with him. By imagining him to be someone else.

Her life was such a mess. She needed something, anything to take her mind off the pain, to clear it of all those insidious, guilty and confusing thoughts. For even just a few hours, to be free from it all. Alcohol wasn't enough any more – it was a poor stimulant and only left her feeling dejected and weary. Her other, physical option, which had worked so well in the past, had only brought her trouble and heartache. There was really only one alternative – now that he wasn't here watching over her shoulder, keeping her straight.

No, she needed it. Not much - just a pinch, then she would be fine.

"Tanner." He had been silent through all of her inner musings, awaiting to take her orders. "The first shipment of spice has been processed, hasn't it?"

Tanner's expression cracked and reformed into suspicion. "It finished being purified this morning," he said cautiously.

"Good," Mara tried to make her voice sound as businesslike and dismissive as possible. "I want you to bring me a sample. I need to ensure that we are not being cheated on its quality."

Tanner didn't seem fooled. "We have machinery for that -"

"Damn it, Tanner!" Mara struggled to retain her calm, although her knuckles were gripping the table so forcefully they were turning white. She took a deep breath and composed herself. "I was under the impression," she began, her voice deathly cold, "that you wanted to keep your position here."

A dark cloud crossed Tanner's face, but he gave her a perfunctory nod. "Very well," his jaw tightened and she could see the discomfort that swirled inside of him. "It is not my place to question you."

"That's right," Mara looked down at her desk, absorbing herself in a fresh datapad and dismissing him with a wave of her hand. He left immediately, and she breathed a sigh of relief. Soon, she promised herself, soon it would all be over. She would be free from her worries, her doubts, her overwhelming guilt. Free from the memory of Luke, holding her tightly in his arms.

It was only spice, after all, and a miniscule amount at that. What harm could it do her?


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Han Solo's gaze flittered lazily across the ornate table setting, under the pretence of 'helping' Leia with the dinner arrangements. He honestly didn't see why Leia went to all the trouble of using her fine Alderaanian dishes and cutlery – most of their guests would be more at home eating rations out of a survival pack – but Leia always insisted on providing a refined and pleasant atmosphere for her frequent dinner parties.

Han could hear strains of Leia arguing heatedly with the serving droid in the kitchen, so he busied himself with the duty of checking the table setting. There was a place for himself and Leia, Wedge, Winter and Tycho, Corran and Mirax, and of course, Luke and Chewie. Han counted their guests again in his mind. He couldn't figure out why there were _ten_places set at the ornate table.

"Leia!" Han had a bad feeling about this. He met his wife in the kitchen, looking immaculate despite the barely-concealed agitation on her face. While their droid was talented and efficient, she often came into conflict with Leia on the best way to prepare a meal.

Seeing Han enter, Leia's angry expression faltered a little. "We'll continue this later," she said harshly to the droid and turned towards Han, managing a loving smile. "Everything else ready?"

"Yeah," Han considered on the best way to broach the subject, seeing as Leia was not in the best of moods.

"Good," Leia cut him off and swept out of the room, Han following dubiously.

"Leia, did you invite someone else tonight?" Han dreaded to think that she had extended an invitation to some Senator or other NR politician.

Leia gave him a glance from the flower arrangement she had been fiddling with. "Yes, I invited Mara Jade."

"You _what_?" Han could hardly believe his ears. Surely she hadn't said Mara Jade.

Leia looked rather affronted. "Why is that so hard to believe? She arrived back on Coruscant yesterday and I thought she could use the friendly atmosphere."

"But, but…" Feeling his insides constrict, Han could merely stutter helplessly.

"I know we've had our differences in the past," Leia continued, heedless to Han's discomfort, "but she's going through a tough time and I know she hasn't exactly got many…well, people she can depend on."

Han rubbed his forehead in exasperation. "Leia, I'm certain that the last thing Mara wants right now is your pity."

"Well, you would think so, but she actually seemed rather keen to coming," Leia paused, looking up at her husband with a scrutinising gaze. "Why are you so interested anyway?"

Han was on the brink of letting it slip out, of telling her exactly what had happened between Mara and Luke. Despite what some people thought, lying straight to his wife's fate had been excruciating for him. Leia had been appeased with Han's explanation that Luke was simply burnt out from the Academy and the recent trouble with Exar Kun, but now there was Han's sudden interest in Mara's appearance at their dinner party. Leia was a shrewd woman, and it wouldn't take much for her to put two and two together.

"I'm just surprised she accepted, that's all. Jade isn't really the social type," he said eventually.

"Hmmm…" Leia clearly wasn't convinced, and Han could tell she was about to launch into a full interrogation when a crash came from the direction of the twin's bedroom. Leia rushed off to see what trouble the children had managed to get themselves into this time, leaving Han blessedly alone. It was moments like these when Han could do nothing but thank the Force, no matter how much he had protested its influence in the past.

The only decision left to make was what he was going to do about the situation. Obviously Luke wouldn't tear into Mara the moment she walked through the door, it wasn't his style. But he would brood and Leia would no longer be convinced that Luke was simply worried about his people back on Yavin. And then there was Mara to contend with; there was no way for Han to predict _what_she would do.

Sighing deeply, Han went to fix himself a strong drink, deciding there was nothing to do but sit back and allow disaster to avail itself. That and perhaps ensuring Mara and Luke were seated nowhere near each other.

* * *

><p>Luke swept a hasty hand through his errant hair, hoping to make himself at least marginally presentable. He had come directly from the hanger where his X-Wing was docked, making a few adjustments to the craft, with the help of Artoo, of course. It had helped get his mind off…other things. He'd even taken her out for a small flight, just over the city, which had refreshed him wholeheartedly. It had also made him unfortunately late for Leia's dinner party, and after she'd stressed so much over him attending.<p>

He supposed it was for the best. He had to move on, to stop wallowing in his own self-pity, wondering how he might have done things differently. Honestly, he was taking Han's advice and giving Mara some space. When he was ready, when it no longer hurt so deeply, he would seek her out.

Finally reaching Leia and Han's door, Luke smoothed out his tunic in a futile effort to look as if he had not come directly from the spaceport. He was certain it wouldn't bother any of Leia's other guests, although it might cause the host herself to quietly disapprove, as she was prone to do occasionally. A sister's prerogative, he supposed.

He heard a rush of heavy feet on the other side of the door, and was surprised when it opened to reveal Han, looking a little red and flustered.

"Haven't started on the brandy yet, have you brother?" Luke mocked softly, smiling as he entered the home. "I know I'm late, but - "

"Look Luke," Han clasped his arm, looking serious. "I need to tell you something."

But at that moment Leia appeared in the hall, trying to hide her smile with a grim expression. But Luke simply opened his arms for her, and all was forgiven. She returned his embrace fiercely, giving him a loving kiss on the cheek. "Everyone else is already seated," she said, giving him a gentle tug on the hand. Han seemed reluctant to let go of his other arm, but Luke shook him off lightly.

"I'll talk to you later, Han," he said and followed Leia into the dining room, but Han was right on their heels, muttering protestations. Luke was about to about to ask him what in the Force was so important when he spotted the most likely reason of his brother-in law's distress. Not three feet away from his across the table, seated between Corran Horn and Wedge Antilles, was Mara Jade.

Luke halted so suddenly that Han crashed unceremoniously into his back, drawing the attention of the entire table, and causing Leia to stare at him quizzically. The only eyes that were not on him were Mara's, whose head was bowed low, hiding her expression.

"Luke?" Leia looked at him searchingly, but his vision was focused entirely on Mara. Despite his anger, Luke couldn't help but once again be struck by her beauty. She looked paler than the last time her had seen her and there were slight bags under her eyes indicating lack of sleep. But the very sight of her made his heart leap. Perhaps it was the fact that her knew her intimately now, had seen her in a way that had only intensified her beauty.

A sharp nudge in the back from Han pulled him abruptly from his stupor, and Luke cleared his throat, his concentration on concealing any kind of feeling towards Mara. "Sorry," he managed a small smile and ran a nervous hand through his hair. "I took my X-wing out for a spin and I guess I lost track of time."

Wedge and Tycho grinned, both having fond memories of the myriad of other times Luke had jumped in his ship and managed to forget the duties that bound him planetside. The others seemed more than ready to accept his explanation, and Leia led him to his seat next to her that Luke noted was as far away from Mara as possible. He wondered if that was Han's doing. He shouldn't have worried – Luke wasn't about to make a scene in front of his oldest and closest friends. He needed to get Mara alone, and then they could talk. At least, she would listen while Luke vented his frustration.

"Are you really all right, Luke?" Leia whispered aside to him, under the general voice of conversation.

"I'm fine," Luke squeezed her hand reassuringly. "I just need to sort a few things out."

"Is it not something I can help you with?" There was a note of pleading to Leia's voice, and Luke felt ashamed for keeping such details of his life from her. She always confided in him, and it was difficult not to extend to her the same courtesy. But his relationship with Mara was tenuous at best, and Luke felt it better to sort things out on his own, first.

"I'll come by tomorrow," he promised her, "and we can talk." It was true, Luke hadn't been spending much time with his sister of late, and he had missed her. And there was the business of the Academy that he could confide in her.

Leia seemed satisfied, for the moment at least, and Luke's attention shifted back to Mara, who was chuckling lightly at one of Wedge's jokes. And irrational jealously surged through him, and immediately Luke put his barriers up. He couldn't allow Corran to notice his distress, and the last thing he wanted Mara to know was that she had hurt him.

Dinner was excruciating. He kept trying to catch Mara's eye, but she was too preoccupied with the conversation, that and ingesting large amounts of Han's finest whiskey. Wedge for his part seemed undeterred by her behaviour and kept refilling her glass. In fact, everyone seemed to be getting along well with Mara, conversing with her, making jokes, telling stories. Everyone except Luke, a fact which was trying his already frayed patience.

Han tried to keep him preoccupied with conversation, inquiring after Artoo, who Luke had left at the hanger for the night, telling endless stories about the twins, how they already wanted to be Jedi like their Uncle Luke. In any other situation Luke would have been more than happy to engage in such familial discussion, but he was agitated, a fact he knew Han could see all too well. The ex-smuggler was trying in vain to keep the topic, and Luke's attention away from Mara Jade.

After what seemed like days, the party began to wind up, and Luke eagerly sprung to his feet. As he was saying his obligatory goodbyes to Leia, he overheard Corran and Mirax offering to give Mara a lift home.

"I'm fine," Mara insisted. Although her words were not slurred, she seemed the slightest bit unsteady on her feet.

"Come now, Mara," Mirax admonished, "You can't drive your speeder, its illegal."

Luke could tell Mara didn't give a damn about the legalities, she just didn't want to be seen as weak, or needing assistance. He was by Corran's side in an instant, knowing that this was his opportunity. "I'll take her, Mirax," he said in a tone that didn't warrant argument.

Mara still refused to look at him, her face set in a stony expression, but Mirax looked rather relieved. "Well, if you're sure, Luke…"

"It's no trouble." Luke threw her a winning smile he so often used to disarm his sister. Corran patted him gratefully on the back and the couple continued to say their goodbyes. Luke advanced on Mara, grasping her arm in a grip that was perhaps a little too firm. She still couldn't look at him, but did not protest when he lead her towards the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Leia," he nodded back at his sister, and caught Han's grim look.

"Be careful kid," he said, the words heavy with meaning. Luke nodded, understanding, before he and Mara left the apartment.

He didn't speak on the way back to his speeder, and neither did she. Mara climbed into the passenger seat docilely; that same fear-struck expression on her face. She crossed her arms over her chest as Luke started the engine, and he surmised that it wasn't because she was cold. Obviously she was afraid of his reaction. Well, he considered, in all likelihood she should be.

"Where to?" He asked in a falsely pleasant tone. Mara did not answer, but kept staring out at the night sky, as if she had not heard him. "Where's your apartment, Mara?" He tried again, still to no success. Finally, he sighed and locked the speeder into gear, heading back towards his own apartment. The minutes ticked by in silence, save for the rushing wind and traffic sounds that flittered around them.

"I'm sorry, Luke," Mara said finally, so quietly Luke almost didn't hear her.

A sudden irritation burned inside of him, one Luke couldn't quite quench. That was her explanation? That was the only thing she had to say to him after she had left, humiliated, confused, and hurt him? "You're sorry?" he repeated back to her in disbelief. "Do you really mean that, or are you just saying it?"

"I-"

"Because I really don't know what to expect from you," Luke was letting his anger overtake him, but he didn't care. He was lucid enough to keep enough of his mind on his piloting, but weeks worth of suppressed emotions were bubbling over and he couldn't stop them. "I know you're still grieving over Talon," Luke saw Mara flinch visibly at his name, but continued regardless. "But I thought we shared something…I felt something at least. And you just left, without a word, without an explanation. Do you have any idea how that made me feel?"

"Luke…"

"I don't suppose you do," he harshly cut her off. "I probably I should have known better than to trust myself with you, but I'm just a simple, naïve farmboy, right? Nothing could possibly ever bother me, could it Mara? And then you didn't even have the courtesy of returning my messages – that's when I found out where you were of course, not that you left me any clue. One message would have been enough, you could have told me to get a life and leave you alone, at least then I would have _known_ how you felt." The anger was starting to ebb, replaced by a deep hurt. "And not been left to…_hope_."

Luke stopped the speeder abruptly, feeling the tears welling in his eyes, but clamping down on them immediately. He had docked them in the personal bay adjourning his apartment, and with a heavy heart he climbed out of the speeder, unable to even give Mara another glance.

"Luke…" his name sounded feeble from Mara's mouth, and Luke turned, his resolve stiffening. He wouldn't let himself be hurt again. He had seen her, he had said his piece, and he would be done with her. Or so he told himself. But he saw her face, free of tears, but carrying a deep and sorrowful expression. Finally, she turned her eyes towards him as she stepped out of his speeder, wrapping her arms closely around herself. "I know I haven't been fair to you…" her voice was more emotional than he had ever heard it, matching her distressed expression. "I just…" she closed her eyes and steeled herself. "I can explain."

"Fine," Luke pressed in the activation code, and he gestured for her to step inside the opened doorway. "So explain."


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Luke's apartment felt much colder than she remembered it, or perhaps it was just the iciness of its owner's demeanour that chilled the air. He had not turned on the light, but the room was illuminated by the moon, giving it a ghostly, shadowy edge. Mara sat down shakily on Luke's lounge, the same one where she had kissed him. It seemed less inviting now.

Mara gathered her shattered wits; she couldn't help but be a little disconcerted by Luke's outburst, although she knew it was deserved. For a moment Mara wished she had the opportunity to take a nip of spice – that would settle her enough, make her impenetrable to hurt. Even all the alcohol she had drunk at Leia's party hadn't been enough to make her intoxicated, let alone numb.

The spice had calmed her down enough to speak to Lando, to at least salvage their business relationship, if nothing else. She wasn't ready for a relationship with _anyone_, she had told him, and yet, she had to wonder whether that was the truth. Why had she accepted Leia's invitation after all, if not to see Luke? Mara had known that in all likelihood this would happen, that he would find her a way to get her alone, to talk it out. Although she had not expected so extreme a reaction from him, the way he had spoken to her in the speeder. She had expected his anger, but the undercurrent of _hurt_that had punctuated his words…that was something she could not ignore.

She had hurt him, wounded him deeply through her own selfish weakness. And yet, she still felt the urge, to simply kiss Luke and forget about his feelings, to allow him to fulfill her in a way she now knew only he could. But she clamped down on that emotion, steeling herself for the explanation she knew would have to very, very convincing.

"Well?" Luke prompted her. He was leaning rigidly against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. He certainly didn't look receptive to any kind of explanation, and Mara felt herself become somewhat annoyed. He had been a willing participant, after all, and she'd never promised she would stay – he had assumed. Trying to make the decision for her like always.

"Well?" she repeated back to him, her ire up. "I said I was sorry, and I am – what else can I say?" She could have – should have – left it there but she couldn't help but go further. "I didn't owe you anything, Skywalker. We had a good time, but if that's all I wanted it to be, then that's my choice. I'm not responsible for your dented pride."

"Pride?" Luke asked incredulously. "You think this is about pride?" Mara shrugged in response and Luke gave a funny sort of bitter laugh. "You slept with me – knowing how I felt about you and how I would interpret it – and then you left without a word. You have to admit, at the very least that's bad manners."

His tone was light, but Mara could sense that he was trying not to let his pain show. She'd hurt him again, this time willingly, and Mara felt her anger due completely to be replaced with a vague sense of shame, and regret. She couldn't fall back on sharp words to keep him at a distance anymore. It was too late for that.

Slowly, Mara's hand went to her hip, where Luke's old lightsaber – her lightsaber - rested. Carefully she unclipped it, and held it up to show him. Mara then, just as carefully, set it down on a nearby table, her gaze never leaving his.

He nodded, his face easing in recognition of what she was trying to achieve. He too, unclipped his lightsaber and cast it aside. Mara breathed a sigh of relief as they faced each other as a man and a woman.

"Okay - Luke," she spoke quietly, very aware of using his given name. "There really is no excuse for what I did to you. After we were…together…I was so confused. After everything that had happened, I just…" Mara closed her eyes, composing herself. She could not allow him to see her falter.

"I used you," she re-opened her eyes, determined to be honest about that at least. "I wanted to forget…forget how much I was hurting, about what I was going to have to do, how much I was going to miss – him."

Luke's gaze softened somewhat, although he did not move from his place at the wall. "And you were there; wanting to help me like you always are and I…took advantage of that. I am sorry. Truly." She opened herself up slightly through the Force, allowing her regret to reach him, letting him know that her words were truthful and her apology real.

Mara could see that affect him, could feel his anger lessen through the Force. Her barriers were still tight, but this was as far as she had ever allowed him, and she saw him relish that. Luke took a deep breath, before moving to sit next to her on the lounge. Carefully, he took her hand, obviously pleased when she did not pull away.

"I should never have allowed anything to happen between us," he whispered. "I knew you were grieving - "

"Why do you always make everything your fault?" she interrupted him, although her tone did not contain the bite it usually would have. "I'm to blame here, Luke. You were right - I knew how you felt about me and I didn't care. I just…" Mara swallowed heavily. "I've never treated you the way a friend should. The way you deserve."

Luke did not move his hand from hers, if anything, he held it tighter. "I was more than willing to let you."

"But your motivations were pure, Luke," she reminded him.

He chucked humourlessly. "What, to act out of lust with no consideration of how you might be grieving? And then to all but attack you about it before giving you a chance to explain your actions?" He shook his head incredulously. "Those are not the actions of a friend, either."

Feeling nervous again, Mara risked shifting closer to him on the lounge, until their knees touched and she felt a jolt of electricity at the contact. "Was that…all it was? Lust?" she asked.

Luke's eyes darkened at the question, and Mara immediately retreated. She attempted to pull her hand away from his but he held her firm. There was silence between them for several minutes, and Mara felt her heart pounding, each beat quickening as she awaited his answer. What did she want him to say? She wasn't sure if she could handle him saying he loved her, but she could no longer deny that she wanted him. Badly. Whether it was just a physical drawcard for the beginnings of something deeper, Mara couldn't quite tell. After all, she had never actually felt romantic affection for a man before, and didn't know how to identify it.

"Mara," the fingers of Luke's free hand came to cup her cheek, turning her face gently towards his as she spoke softly. "I can't deny that in the past few months my feelings for you have…changed. I…think about you, and not in the way a friend should." A small blush crept into his cheeks at those words, and the beginnings of a smile. "I think by now it's no secret that I am deeply attracted to you," he cleared his throat, and his hand dropped, taking her free hand as clasping them together.

"But more than that," he continued, his voice steadying. "You challenge me, make me feel so insignificant and yet so influential at the same time, you infuriate me beyond belief, but I go out of my way just to see you, to be with you." His eyes began to glow softly, and Mara wondered if she had ever truly seen him before. He seemed so alive, so passionate, the way he had been when he had made love to her.

"You and I," Luke moved closer, his hand moving to brush the hair out of her eyes, to stroke her cheek softly. "I believe the foundation is there..."

And then he was too close, so near to her that she could smell him, feel the heat radiate off his skin, his words resonating in her heart. Memories flooded her, and she remembered how good it had been…how wonderful it could be again. When he pressed his lips to hers, she could only reciprocate, her hands moving to wind around his shoulders, stroking the short hairs on the back of his neck. She was lost in his kiss, she was light-headed, her heart and body singing…

"No!" Mara pulled away abruptly, clambering on unsteady legs away from him. That was how it had started last time. True, he had initiated the kiss, had made it clear what he wanted from her but Mara's conscience had finally won out.

"Mara?" Luke looked at her quizzically, his face flushed and his hair adorably rumpled from her questing fingers. And his lips – oh his soft, full lips, crying out for her own. But Mara kept her distance, unwilling to lose her control. She had not been able to help herself with the spice, but this, this she could avoid.

"You have to understand, Luke," she said softly. "That I may not be able to give you what you want." Luke rose, advancing on her, but Mara kept her distance. "I can't…be in a relationship with you. I don't know how."

But Luke moved towards her again, this time trapping her about the waist. His hands were gentle, but firm, keeping her in place. "And my track record in this area is less than stellar," he smiled. "We can teach each other," he added softly. His gaze was so earnest, and he touched his lips to hers, gently this time.

"But…" Mara felt her resolve slipping as her hands wound around his neck of their own accord. "I can't promise you anything."

Luke's arms tightened around her waist, and he drew her close against him, his forehead pressed against her own. "Can you promise you'll still be here in the morning?"

"I…" Mara found it hard to concentrate, with his beautiful eyes and heated gaze focused determinedly upon her. Could she give him that, admit that it was more than just the physical between them? Stay to discover where the relationship might lead?

"Yes," she whispered, as Luke rewarded her with a huge grin.

He nuzzled her nose with his own playfully, before leaning in for another kiss. "Well," he countered, "that's a start."

* * *

><p>When Luke awoke to an empty bed, his first instinct was to panic, to curse his own trusting and forgiving nature. But he was soon touched softly by Mara's Force presence, and he realised she had not gone far, or had any intention of fleeing. He forced his eyes open and noticed Mara was sitting outside on his personal balcony, watching the stars. Smiling, Luke got out of the bed and retrieved his pants from where they had been flung hastily away earlier in the evening. It was still dark – a quick glance at the wall chrono revealed it was somewhere in the vicinity of 3 a.m.<p>

Luke slowly made his way to where Mara was sitting, his hands coming to rest on her shoulders. She was wearing his shirt, he noticed.

Mara smiled and leaned back into him easily as his fingers began to massage and rub her neck. "Did you think I'd gone?" she asked.

"For a moment."

"I thought about it," she said simply, closing her eyes.

Luke sighed in relief – they had crossed their first hurdle. Mara was being honest with him, and that was all he needed.

"So how am I doing so far?" her eyes reopened and twinkled at him mischievously.

"For less than six hours into the relationship?" Luke smiled. "I'd say we're both doing pretty well." His fingers abandoned her neck and he knelt down beside of her and captured her around the waist, elated that although Mara flinched slightly at the contact, she didn't pull away.

"So what now?"

Luke shrugged, already preoccupied by the creamy skin at the juncture of her neck and shoulder. "What everyone else does, I suppose." He placed a long kiss to the spot, and Mara arched her neck, allowing him greater access.

"And what's that?" she asked.

"I don't know," he answered, his lips trailing lightly over her skin. "I take you out to dinner?"

"And after that?" Mara's voice was getting breathy and Luke continued his exploration of her neck and collarbone.

"I'm not sure," he haltered his ministrations for the moment. "We've already skipped several steps," he teased, his hands moving under the shirt purposefully. "I'm sure we'll find out."

"Luke," Mara's tone changed slightly, making Luke stop completely, lifting his head to look at her. She had a curious expression on her face, of passion and desire mixed with confusion and hesitation.

"I…" she hesitated slightly, but Luke rubbed her leg encouragingly. "I've never…been with a man more than once, before," she licked her lips nervously. "You and I…it's not a decision I've made lightly. I want you to know that," she stared intently at him.

Luke's heart ached at her expression, as he fully understood the weight of what he and Mara had just experienced. He wondered briefly about her previous sexual experiences, but discarded the thought immediately. Was mattered was that she, by her own admission, had given something to him that she had shared with no other.

That thought strengthened his resolve, heartening him beyond belief. With this encouragement, Luke drew Mara close and kissed her, hard this time, and was immediately lost.

* * *

><p>Clawing, demanding hunger attacked her, sending Mara into a desperate frenzy. She was wide awake, unable to find her peace, or even a comfortable position. Her hands were shaking and she lacked the capacity to make them stop. For a brief moment, Mara felt the urge to wake Luke, to spill her dreadful secret and place herself in his care.<p>

But no. She was Mara Jade. No matter how far she had come with Luke in the past few hours, she could not visit this on him. She didn't _need_anyone.

Careful not to wake the sleeping form beside her, Mara crept to the 'fresher that adjourned Luke's bedroom, recovering her discarded jacket on the way. Once safe inside, she pulled a small packet of white powder from the inside pocket, her shaking hands laying a small line of it on the fresher sink.

It was too late now, to stop. She would go into withdrawal, and she couldn't let Luke see her like that; make him go through all it entailed. No, she had to keep it secret, or her life would collapse.

She only needed a small amount each day, just to keep her straight. Because she was determined to give Luke everything he deserved, everything she had promised him and more. If she could only keep control of herself, never allow the drug to overtake her, she would be perfectly fine.

Luke would never need to know.


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

* * *

><p>Luke was loathe to leave his apartment so early in the day, especially when<br>Mara was in his kitchen, wearing nothing but one of his old tunics. He took a  
>few moments in the doorway to simply stare at her and take it all in. A part of<br>him still couldn't believe how far their relationship had progressed in just  
>one night. Luke was certain now that it wasn't just physical attraction between<br>them, but something far more tangible. The fact that Mara was even willing to  
>explore a relationship with him had to mean something, after all.<p>

Sensing his presence, Mara turned from the counter to face him, an almost-smile  
>gracing her lips. "Caf?" she asked, gesturing to the two beverages she was<br>preparing. "I can make you some hot chocolate if you'd like."

"Caf's fine," Luke took a seat at the table, a bit puzzled by Mara's apparent  
>domesticity. But she raised a questioning eyebrow at him, a smirk gracing her<br>face and was once again her sardonic self. "What?" Luke asked, smiling. "I  
>don't always drink hot chocolate," he defended himself. Mara had always seemed<br>to find his affinity for the beverage amusing, as if liking the drink made him  
>even more of a farmboy.<p>

Mara nodded, but the smirk did not leave her face. "Sucra?" she asked.

"Nah, straight up," Luke replied, unable to keep the grin from his face as he  
>saw Mara digest the information and file it away for future reference. She<br>seemed to be accepting their new status with such ease and enthusiasm,  
>something that kindled Luke's heart a little more. He took careful note of the<br>three spoons of sweetener Mara put in her own cup, so he would remember the  
>fact in the likely event he would make her a morning drink.<p>

She brought the drinks over and sat down at the table next to Luke. "Thank  
>you," he said as she handed him the steaming cup of caf.<p>

"Don't get any ideas, Skywalker," Mara warned, tossing her hair. "I'm not the  
>domestic type."<p>

"Wouldn't dream of it," he replied, trying to clamp down on his grin, but  
>failing utterly.<p>

Mara rolled her eyes good-naturedly and took a sip of caf. Luke wondered how  
>she could look so alert and refreshed so early in the morning. In truth, he was<br>rather worn out. She had been awake even as his internal farmer's chrono had  
>kicked in, yet there were no signs that she was the least bit sleep-deprived.<br>He supposed it was years of vigorous training in order to only need sleep for a  
>few hours every cycle. After all, an assassin's best weapon and shield was the<br>night.

He dismissed the thought as easily as it had come, simply resolving to try  
>harder the next time in order to tire her out properly.<p>

"Back to black then?" Mara cast an appraising eye over his wardrobe, a black  
>tunic and trousers.<p>

Luke shrugged. "They're comfortable."

"I much preferred the flightsuit you were wearing last night," Mara smiled  
>seductively and moved her chair closer until their knees were touching.<p>

Luke smiled at her assertion. Those gray suits, usually reserved for wearing  
>under the striking orange of a pilot's outer jumpsuit, were hardly the kind of<br>attire known to ignite desire in most women. But Mara wasn't most women.

She leaned closer, her hands coming to rest on his knees to support her weight,  
>and nipped him lightly on the mouth. "All dirty and sweaty," she continued<br>huskily, and Luke couldn't resist returning her light kisses. "Plus it has the  
>added bonus of having extremely tight pants," she giggled uncharacteristically.<br>"Or perhaps it's your ability to fill them out that lends to their appeal."

Luke laughed and drew her close, pleased beyond belief to discover a new,  
>playful side to Mara. She bestowed him with a rare grin before capturing his<br>lips in another kiss, this time with more fervour.

He took a leisurely few minutes to kiss her thoroughly, but didn't allow  
>himself to take it any further. He had only commed Leia an half-hour before<br>saying he would be right over, and knew that he wouldn't be able to stop  
>himself from Mara's charms, if they became any more insistent. And besides, the<br>development between him and Mara was something he could not wait to share with  
>his sister.<p>

Luke gently extracted himself from Mara's embrace. "I have to get going," he  
>said reluctantly, already weakening at the sight of her flushed cheeks. "I<br>promised Leia I would spend some time with her today."

Something seemed the break inside of Mara, because her expression twisted and  
>she pulled back reluctantly. "You're not going to tell her about us?" she<br>asked, horrified.

"I…" Luke looked Mara, confused by her sudden change in mood. "Of course I am."

"Why?" Mara demanded, rising to her feet, fists clenched.

Luke rose as well, his contentment evaporating. "I didn't realise that us being  
>in a relationship was something to be ashamed of," he responded almost coldly.<p>

"It's not," Mara retorted, looking uncomfortable. "I just don't want anyone to  
>know."<p>

"That doesn't make sense."

Mara looked at him with frustration for several moments, seemingly trying to  
>form a response. It appeared she was unable to, for then she simply stalked out<br>of the room without giving Luke another glance.

Already exasperated, Luke followed her to his bedroom, where Mara was already  
>in the process of changing back into her own clothes. "What are you doing?" he<br>asked tiredly, leaning against the door frame.

"I'm leaving," Mara shot him a venomous glance as she roughly pulled his tunic  
>over her head.<p>

"Running away again? I thought you promised you weren't going to do that."

Mara faltered slightly at his words, but shook her head, as if to drive the  
>guilt from her mind.<p>

"Relationships are about give and take, Mara," he continued to speak as Mara  
>rummaged around the room for her clothes. "It can't be completely on your<br>terms. This is new to both of us, but I refuse to hide in the shadows, I refuse  
>to hide my feelings for you."<p>

Mara continued to ignore him, getting down on her knees to reach a searching  
>hand under his bed. "Where is that kriffing <em>boot<em>?!"  
>he heard her mumble murderously.<p>

But Luke knew she couldn't block him out forever. "I want to build something  
>with you. To take a chance and see whether there could be more between us than<br>just a sordid, secret liaison. More than just sex," he took a deep breath. "But  
>if that's all you were here for, then by all means, leave." He folded his arms<br>over his chest, standing firm.

Mara finally stopped her unsuccessful search for her lost boot, moving to sit  
>up on his bed. Her anger melted away and was placed with contrition and…fear?<br>It was so hard to read her, but Luke could sense that his words had gotten  
>through.<p>

"Everything's been happening so fast, Luke," she said softly, staring down at  
>her hands.<p>

He moved to sit on her bed beside her, his arm finding its way around her  
>shoulders supportively. "We can take it slowly, Mara, if that's what you want."<p>

"No," she turned her intense gaze towards him. "Not with us. It's just  
>with…everything…" she stumbled over the words. "Holoreporters ambushed me at<br>the Smuggler's Association yesterday," she admitted. "Asking how I felt, what I  
>was going to do about the Organisation…"<p>

Luke felt his anger rise. He'd had his own brushes with less than sympathetic  
>reporters, but he imagined it must have been horrible for Mara, who was such a<br>private person.

"And imagine what they'll say if they find out I've started sleeping with the  
>New Republic's only Jedi Master," she grimaced. "I just don't think I can<br>handle any more attention."

Luke understood her reticence, but there was still that part of him that didn't  
>want to hide their relationship, didn't want to have to look over his shoulder<br>every time he wanted to kiss her. But on the other hand, he too would come  
>under scrutiny from the holopress for his choice in partner. Everyone would be<br>watching them closely, waiting for it to fail. Perhaps it was best to keep their  
>relationship covert, at least until it was more established.<p>

"Mara," he whispered softly, his other hand reaching to take hers. "I have to  
>tell my sister. I can't keep something like this from her. And besides," he<br>braced himself. "Han already knows."

Mara tried to pull away, put Luke held her firm in his embrace. "I needed some  
>advice," he explained. "I was confused – you'd left without a word. I didn't<br>know if I'd ever see you again." A bit dramatic, he knew, but that had been a  
>difficult few weeks for him.<p>

A guilty expression crossed Mara's face, and she settled back into his arms. "I  
>suppose I deserve that," she murmured. "Solo will never let me hear the end of<br>it, I'm sure."

"Probably not," Luke smiled and placed a soft kiss to her temple. "If any of  
>our friends ask, I won't lie," he continued, seeing it as the best compromise<br>they could reach. "But I'll postpone the press release until you're ready." He  
>nudged her playfully, giving her a cheeky grin.<p>

Mara smirked and nodded her silent consent as devious fingers began to work  
>their way up Luke's thigh.<p>

"Mara…" Luke cleared his throat and tried to remain calm. "I really have to  
>go."<p>

"Leia's already waited this long," Mara countered thickly. "Five more minutes  
>won't hurt."<p>

"Five minutes?" Luke raised his eyebrows. "I don't believe that's possible."

"I'm up for a challenge if you are, Farmboy," she whispered, climbing onto his  
>lap. "But if you have to leave right now…" she pulled back out of his reach<p>

"No, no," Luke quickly cut her off, urging her to resume her former activities.  
>"It's a matter of honour, now." He pulled her close, his fingers deftly<br>removing her sole boot.

"All right then," Mara's arms wound around his neck tightly. "Start timing."

Luke didn't have time to form a response as Mara pulled him into a mind-numbing  
>kiss.<p>

***********

* * *

><p>"You're <em>what<em>?"

Leia was, as Luke had expected, less than calm when he told her of his  
>burgeoning relationship with Mara Jade. He took his sister's hand hastily,<br>hoping that once she recovered from her initial shock she wouldn't have too  
>many issues with it.<p>

"Since when?" Leia demanded, her grip tightening on his hand uncomfortably.

Luke sighed. Honesty was always best with family, not to mention the fact that  
>Leia could almost always detect when he was lying. "I've had feelings for Mara<br>for a long time," he admitted. "But how long have we been in a relationship?  
>Since last night."<p>

"I thought you were acting strange when the two of you left," Leia replied,  
>almost to herself, before she pounced straight back to him. "How did it happen?<br>I want details." Her passionate brown eyes bore into his own.

"Come'on, Leia," Han called from the doorway, where he had been peacefully and  
>silently watching the scene unfold. "Surely you don't want <em>details<em>."

Leia laughed dismissively. "Well I'm sure Luke hasn't…" She caught the sheepish  
>expression on his face that Luke was unable to hide. "You <em>have<em>, haven't you?"

Leia was by no means a judgmental person, but Luke knew that she had been  
>raised fairly traditionally. You certainly didn't sleep with someone unless you<br>had committed yourself to them, at least spiritually, if not legally. In truth,  
>Luke had been raised much the same way, but those teachings had flown out the<br>window the moment Mara had pressed her lips to his. He supposed he just didn't  
>have Leia's control.<p>

"Oh, Luke," his sister's voice softened. "I don't want to see you get hurt.  
>Mara has had a rough couple of weeks. Are you sure you're not…rushing into this<br>a bit?" He could tell she was trying to say it as diplomatically as possible,  
>but it was still not the reaction Luke was hoping for.<p>

"I know Mara hasn't exactly been the most stable person recently," he said  
>quietly, not letting go of Leia's hand. "But this isn't a decision either of us<br>have made lightly. Mara and I share something, Leia, and I'm tired of  
>pretending that we don't. And I can help her, through her grief, through<br>whatever else she is going through," he smiled slightly. "I love you, Leia…all  
>of you," Luke glanced around at Han, who gave him a reassuring smile. "But I'm<br>still missing something," he told her earnestly. "Some…piece of me that I think  
>maybe Mara can fill."<p>

"Oh, Luke," Leia said again, this time drawing him into a hug which lasted for  
>several minutes. Luke knew then that she understood, that Leia would put aside<br>any of her misgivings and trust his judgment, his heart. "I should have seen  
>this coming," she chastised herself as she pulled away. "I should have seen how<br>unhappy you were."

"Not unhappy, dear sister," he reassured her, squeezing her hand tightly. "Just  
>incomplete."<p>

"It's just like I told you, Luke," Han grinned as he moved to sit beside Leia  
>on the couch. Luke relinquished his hold and allowed the couple to sit together<br>comfortably. It was so effortless, their movements to accommodate one another,  
>Luke noticed. He could only hope that the same sort of ease and familiarity<br>could one day be between him and Mara.

"Let it be," Han continued, "and everything will work itself out."

"Wait," Leia turned to face her husband, her quick wits latching onto his slip.  
>"You knew about this?"<p>

"I was speaking generally…" Han tried to cover his tracks.

"No you weren't," Leia narrowed her eyes. "You knew about Luke and Mara and you  
>didn't tell me?" She sounded shocked, horrified and furious all at the same<br>time.

"Leia, it's my fault," Luke tried to remedy the situation. "I asked him not to  
>tell you."<p>

"But he _chose_ not to do it," Leia  
>stood, glaring down at her husband. Han stretched his palms upward, trying to<br>find a decent explanation and threw Luke a look a dirty look for good measure.  
>"How could you…"<p>

But Threepio burst in at that moment, halting any harsh words Leia was going to  
>bestow on her husband. "Mistress Leia!" The droid pranced about anxiously and<br>Luke smothered a smile at seeing his gold casing covered in specks of finger  
>paint. "Oh, Mistress Leia, I am at such a loss!" he cried pitifully. "I told<br>them that redecorating their playroom was not a good idea, but they just wouldn't  
>listen! And I couldn't stop them, they weren't even using their hands…"<p>

"Alright, Threepio, I'm coming," Leia sighed deeply, before turning a venomous  
>glance back on her husband. "I'll deal with you later," she said before<br>stalking down the hall towards the children's rooms.

"Those kids…" Han said wondrously under his breath.

"Master Luke, how wonderful to see you!" Threepio advanced on him, and Luke  
>didn't have to force a grin.<p>

"Hello Threepio," he answered good naturedly. "How are you?"

"Oh, as well as can be expected I suppose," the droid replied gloomily. "I keep  
>telling Mistress Leia that child-rearing isn't part of my programming but…you<br>wouldn't happen to need me at the Academy, would you Master Luke?" he asked  
>hopefully. "Because I would be more than willing…"<p>

"Don't even think about it," growled Han. "As much as I'd like the see your  
>sorry gold behind waddling away, you're stuck with those kids until puberty."<p>

"Sorry, Threepio," Luke said, clamping down on his laughter.

"Very well," the droid replied sulkily. "I suppose I shall once again have to  
>hear everything from that over-glorified R2 unit…"<p>

"Artoo!" Luke smacked himself on the forehead in exasperation. He had left the  
>little droid at the spaceport overnight, but had promised to collect him first<br>thing in the morning. "I'm sorry, Han, I have to go," he looked apologetically  
>at his brother-in-law.<p>

"Cutting your loses, eh, kid?" Han indicated in the direction where Leia was,  
>no doubt even more furious than before.<p>

"I can't leave Artoo alone too much longer, Han. I really am sorry." Luke hated  
>to leave Han in such a mess, especially when it was his fault. But Artoo might<br>be even more difficult to calm down than Leia, having been forgotten about. The  
>little droid took things far too personally. "I'll try to explain things to<br>Leia," he offered lamely.

"Don't worry about it," Han smiled easily. "Her bark's worse than her bite. I  
>can handle it."<p>

"If you're sure?" Luke had already started edging his way to the door.

"Go," he gave Luke a soft push in the right direction. "Just appreciate what  
>your old buddy's doing for you."<p>

"How many do I owe you now?" Luke asked.

"Kid," Han patted him affectionately on the back. "We'd break the calcupad  
>trying to figure it out."<p> 


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

* * *

><p>Mara grunted as she reached around the mirror above the sink in Luke's<br>'fresher. Her fingers grazed the wall and finally came into contact with a  
>small plastic bag no larger than half of her palm. Elated and relieved, Mara<br>pulled her arm back out clutching her prize. So far that hiding spot had gone  
>undetected as she had rightly assumed Luke was not the sort of man to regularly<br>clean behind his mirrors. That much she could tell by the amount of dust that  
>coated her fingertips.<p>

But the fact comforted Mara, because it was one more day that her habit was  
>kept hidden from Luke, and one more day she was able to enjoy his company.<br>Close to three weeks they had been in a relationship – a feat that continued to  
>astound Mara. She never imagined how comforting, how habitable his apartment<br>had become. The lease on her own place had lapsed, but Mara didn't worry about  
>that. She spent every night with Luke.<p>

In fact, most of her days were spent in his apartment, although that niggling  
>voice in the back of her mind persisted that she was simply hiding. Mara<br>quashed that thought down – she went out…sometimes. She had been to the  
>spaceport that morning, after all, to collect a shipment from Kessel. Tanner,<br>although she could tell he disapproved, had agreed to send her a regular parcel  
>of refined spice, under the pretence of drumming up business on Coruscant. It<br>was certainly safer than obtaining it from the dealers in the underbelly of the  
>city.<p>

Spice consumption had been made legal by the New Republic,  
>but only in small quantities, not nearly enough for an average person to feel<br>the effects. And so the underground spice trade remained, although Mara tried  
>not to think about the junkies, the addicts down in the darkness. She wasn't<br>like them.

Her spice use was recreational at best. It was just a…tool, in order to give  
>her the strength to live through to the next day. True, Luke fulfilled her in<br>ways the spice could not – but she would not risk him finding out about the  
>despair that still clung to her soul. About those brief moments when the<br>darkness, the hopelessness seemed to consume her. Then only the spice could  
>bring her out of it, could blur her senses to the pain.<p>

Careful not the waste a single granule, Mara opened the packet and began to  
>shake the spice out on the sink. She drew a thin blade from her boot, the<br>silver gleaming in the sharp lights. She had told Luke it was an antique, a  
>relic from her day's as the Hand. He had accepted that it had some strange<br>sentimental value, and guessed that it had saved her life many times. And so it  
>had, but not in the way he thought.<p>

She used the blade to distribute the spice into short lines, her hand shaking  
>with anticipation. Soon, she told herself. Soon, she would be whole again.<p>

******

* * *

><p>Mara sniffed casually as she walked out of the refresher. She had to be careful<br>– Luke would return to the apartment soon and she could not risk him seeing any  
>side effects of her high. In truth it was getting more difficult to clamp down<br>on her symptoms. The itching in her nose and throat was unpleasant and  
>difficult to conceal. If she wasn't vigilant Luke would begin to think she had<br>the flu or something similar, which would lead him too close to the truth.

A sharp, angry warbling startled Mara as a small mechanical form blocked her  
>path to the kitchen. She sighed irritably. Artoo's wiring had been out of place<br>ever since Luke had brought him back from the spaceport the day after he and  
>Mara had solidified their relationship. She knew that Luke had an unnatural<br>bond with the droid, but she didn't realise just how involved or possessive  
>Artoo would be.<p>

He hadn't seemed to appreciate Mara encroaching on his "territory" at all. He  
>had made his displeasure all too clear and judging from Luke's reaction, had<br>unleashed on her a series of unpleasant names and curses when he had realised  
>she had all but moved in to Luke's apartment.<p>

The little droid had even begun to ignore Luke in protest, it seemed. He  
>refused to help him out with repairs to his X-Wing, let alone fly in it. He had<br>also staunchly rejected the notion that he would access and download any  
>information from the New Republic or any other database. All he had done in the past few weeks was haunt the apartment, brooding. She had never known a droid to hold such a grudge, but then again, Luke pandered to him constantly. No wonder he was spoiled.<p>

"Still sulking?" she taunted the droid, giving him a playful kick with the side  
>of her boot as she walked past.<p>

His high-pitched squeal reached her ears and Mara winced. She kicked him again,  
>harder this time. She had nothing against the droid in general, but Force, he<br>irritated her. That's what happened when droids weren't given routine memory  
>wipes, they became unpleasantly sentient.<p>

Artoo warbled again, the sound almost like a low growl. Understanding astromech  
>communication was impossible without a translator, but Luke always seemed to<br>know what his little friend was saying. Perhaps he could understand him though  
>the Force, pick up on some of the droids intent. It seemed impractical, but<br>Mara reached out towards Artoo with her mind, focusing not on his wiring or  
>mechanics, but on the motorised mind that whirled away, on his speech patterns.<p>

It was difficult and taxing, but eventually Mara thought she heard myriad of  
>slight, quiet whispers. Then:<p>

_I know you're up to something. _

That came in loud and clear. Obviously it was something the droid wanted her to  
>understand.<p>

_I'll find out what it is. Just you wait._

Mara laughed in response. "Give it your best shot," she goaded him dismissively.

Artoo hooted defensively, obviously put out that Mara was unperturbed by his  
>warning. He began to mutter again, but before she could understand what he was<br>saying, Mara felt Luke's Force presence seep into her outer barriers, a signal  
>that he had returned.<p>

Mar had been wary of allowing their bond to deepen, purely as a precaution, a  
>preventative measure to keep Luke from accidentally discovering the truth. But<br>he had gradually been eating away at her defenses over the past weeks, every  
>day strengthening their connection through the Force. It had happened so<br>gradually that Mara almost hadn't noticed. When she had discovered it, she had  
>of course been livid. It had been a very uncomfortable evening in Skywalker's<br>apartment that night. But having him close like that, mingled with her senses,  
>was such a warm, comforting feeling. She had crept back into his bed and<br>allowed it.

Luke strode into the room, looking exhausted despite the huge grin on his face.  
>His arms were laden with parcels which Mara eyed skeptically.<p>

"Hello, Mara," he said, her name effortless and familiar from his lips. His  
>gaze shifted to the droid beside her, and he nodded. "Artoo."<p>

The astromech didn't even acknowledge his presence with an irritated beep. He  
>simply turned on his wheels and crept soundlessly out of the room. Luke's smile<br>faded, and for a moment sorrow filled his eyes.

"He'll come around," Mara told him, taking some of the parcels from his hands.  
>He had brought them both home dinner it seemed, the enticing smell of Corellian<br>food filling the room.

"I know," Luke looked solemn. It was not easy for him, Mara knew, to have any  
>kind of friend angry or upset with him. And Artoo, though she didn't quite<br>understand why, was counted among his closest companions. But Luke shook his  
>head, as if to divest himself of melancholy, and gave Mara another brilliant<br>smile. "You look beautiful today," he said softly.

Mara rolled her eyes. "You say that everyday."

"Well," Luke gave her a soft kiss. "It's always true."

Mara didn't answer, but managed to give him a rare smile before taking the food  
>into the kitchen. "Buy anything for me?" she called teasingly over her<br>shoulder, as Luke followed her.

"I did actually," he grinned like a schoolboy as he put the remainder of his  
>parcels on the main table.<p>

"Oh," Mara busied herself with doling out the steaming food onto two plates.  
>For some reason, she felt bothered at his easy assertion. Who was he to presume<br>what she would like? She took the plates over to the table and sat the largest  
>one down in front of him.<p>

"Not hungry, Mara?" he eyed her tiny portion suspiciously.

In truth, the spice made most food repugnant to her, but of course, she could  
>not tell Luke that. "I've never been a big eater," she replied coldly, hinting<br>that it was not a subject she wished to discuss. "Tell me about your day with  
>Leia."<p>

He easily latched onto the new subject, and she enjoyed hearing about the  
>insignificant moments of his day. She had been invited to go shopping with the<br>twins, but Mara still felt reluctant around Leia. Luke's sister had embraced  
>Mara, making it clear that she supported Luke's decisions and she would do all<br>she could to keep their relationship quiet for the moment. But Leia was still  
>that immaculate, perfect woman in Luke's life, and they shared a bond Mara<br>couldn't even begin to understand.

She felt awkward when alone with the two, as if she would say or do something  
>to betray herself, to have Leia either guess her secret or perhaps find her<br>unworthy of her brother's attention. After all, Leia was Luke's family, and  
>Mara could never be that close, or that important to him.<p>

But she enjoyed listening to his tales. Mara had once thought there was no  
>greater punishment than being on the receiving end of Luke's lectures. But in<br>these companionable moments together the soft timbre of his voice and the  
>casual ease of his words and his laughter, made her warm and inexplicably whole<br>inside.

When they had finished their meal, Luke dove into the parcels that had been  
>abandoned on the other side of the table. It seemed her couldn't wait to show<br>what he had bought her, although Mara's gut twisted unpleasantly at his  
>eagerness.<p>

"Leia finally badgered me into buying new robes," he explained as he opened a  
>parcel concealed in very expensive-looking wrapping. "And I just happened top<br>look over in the women's section and well…this just caught my eye." From the  
>parcel he drew a flesh-coloured jacket, cut simply but stylishly. Despite<br>herself, Mara reached out to feel the material. It was thin and flexible, but  
>she could tell that the fabric was extremely durable and would keep her warm.<p>

"I thought of you immediately," Luke said, a little bashfully. "Especially these  
>sleeves," he ran his finger down the arm of the jacket, showing her the unusual<br>cut. Instead of straight, tight sleeves, the jacket flared outward slightly  
>from the elbow down to the cuffs. The effect was not that noticeable, but there<br>was certainly enough room for say…a concealed wrist holster and blaster.

"I noticed you've been going for the sleeveless look, lately," Luke continued,  
>his gaze flittering over her bare arms. "I figured your other jackets were too<br>heavy, or you…" he continued to speak, but Mara no longer heard him.

Panic attacked her, her throat closing in on itself, as Mara struggled to  
>breathe. Her outward expression did not change but untoward, unreasonable<br>thoughts drove through her mind.

Not only had he bought her a gift, and she had no doubt that it had created a  
>sizeable hole in his personal credits, he had bought her something that was<br>practical and suited her perfectly. It had not been flowers, or jewelry, or any  
>other frivolity that she would have scoffed at. No, he had seen something that<br>appealed to her, that she could very well have bought for herself.

And what if someone had seen him buying it? The garment was obviously not for  
>his sister, so what had the cashier thought? Had she gone running to the<br>holopress that Luke Skywalker was buying expensive women's clothes – _smuggler's_ clothes? What if this caused  
>the press to tail him, or to wait outside his apartment? The beautiful secrecy,<br>the privacy of the relationship would be declared for the entire galaxy to see.  
>She would be scrutinised, they would delve into her past…<p>

Mara took a deep breath, calming herself. She was still partly under the  
>effects of the spice, she reasoned. The substance occasionally heightened her<br>emotions and fears. She was being stupid and paranoid. Luke had bought her a  
>simple gift, and nothing more.<p>

"Well?" Luke looked at her, his eyes filled with such hope, such a desire to  
>please her, that she could not share with him any of her fears.<p>

Mara took the jacket from him, running her fingers over the soft fabric,  
>locating the hidden pockets in the lining, examining it properly. "Thank you,"<br>she said softly. "It's perfect…but you'll have to let me give you the credits  
>for it."<p>

Luke balked at the suggestion. "Don't be ridiculous, Mara," he scoffed  
>genially.<p>

"It couldn't have been cheap, Luke," she countered. "And Jedi Mastery doesn't  
>exactly pay as well as trading," she managed to tactfully remind him that she perhaps<br>had twice as much credits as he did. He only had his commission, after all, and  
>the small amount from the funds allotted to the Academy.<p>

"You let me worry about my finances," Luke took her gently by the arm and  
>pulled Mara to her feet. He took the jacket from her and held it out. Mara<br>complied, slipping her arms into the sleeves and allowing him to place the  
>garment on her. "I'm not an impoverished hermit yet," he joked casually, his<br>nimble fingers fastening the small clasps at the front of the jacket. It was a  
>perfect fit.<p>

"Besides," he whispered as he finished, and held her close into his arms. "I  
>want you to think of me when you wear it." Luke kissed her lightly, his eyes so<br>alive that she could not resist him. Her hands found their way around his neck  
>and into his soft hair as she pulled him closer.<p>

He was a force she could not oppose, could not stop, and would never want to. But  
>she could not deny that things between her and Luke had gotten a great deal<br>more complicated.


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

* * *

><p>"Mara!" A stern, sharp voice called out to her. "Are you listening?"<p>

Mara blinked and refocused her attention to the briefing table before her,  
>empty save for herself and one hard-eyed Corellian. She picked up her datapad<br>from its place on the tabletop and pretended to digest its contents. "Of course  
>Aves," she answered briskly. "Go on."<p>

In truth, she had no intention of listening to what Aves had to say. He had  
>contacted her that morning, infuriated that she still had not done anything<br>about their smuggling organisation. The crew was still on Coruscant on  
>berevement leave and had been that way for over two months, ever since their return<br>from Oon Tiel. With all the time Mara had spent with Luke since then, she had  
>simply forgotten about them.<p>

No, that wasn't true, that small, niggling voice told her. She had deliberately  
>ignored the organisation because she didn't want to deal with the consequences.<br>If she officially took command, that would be the final and binding sign that  
>he was gone. And Luke had been so vigilant about keeping her occupied, even<br>though he hadn't quite realised it.

Aves, however, was not happy to be left sitting on his hands, and had told Mara  
>bluntly that if she did not do something about the organisation, he would. So<br>she had agreed to meet with him, but that didn't mean she had to listen to a  
>word he said.<p>

"We're in danger of losing our contract with the Sluis Van government," Aves  
>watched her keenly as he spoke.<p>

Mara knew her face showed no reaction to her words, and inside of her, it was  
>much the same. What did one small trading contract matter? It was nothing<br>compared to the pain she was feeling every time Aves said his name so freely,  
>so easily. Mara still could not even think it to herself.<p>

"The Oon Tiel government has postponed the trade agreement for now on sympathy  
>grounds," Aves continued, consulting his datapad. "But that contract is<br>important to us and we need it finalised before the end of the quarter."

Oon Tiel. Mara would be happy never to hear the name again. She rubbed her  
>forehead in exasperation. How had her friend ever managed to deal with such a<br>heavy workload, with so many people depending on him? "What else?" she asked.

"The Sullustans are getting impatient, they want you to meet with their envoy  
>to discuss where we stand." Aves looked a little uneasy.<p>

"What does that mean?"

Aves shifted in his seat, clearly reluctant. "They want to wait until you have  
>officially been instated as Chief of the organisation, Mara," he told her.<br>"Karrde had very specific trading practices, and they want to know if you are  
>going to honour the deals he made. They're also afraid that with you being the<br>liaison between the Alliance and the New Republic  
>that there might be a…conflict of interest."<p>

"What?" Mara was outraged. "I'm perfectly capable of doing both."

"And your investment with Calrissian on Kessel? You can do that too?" Aves  
>looked skeptical. "I'm not doubting your dedication, Mara, but Karrde only had<br>this organisation and he barely slept. I just don't see how you can spread  
>yourself out that far, not without compromising your efforts in all areas."<p>

Mara narrowed her eyes. "And the crew, do they think the same? Are they  
>questioning my ability, my duty to this company?"<p>

Aves sighed. "It's not like that Mara. They're just restless, and it isn't as  
>if you've been around at all to give them reassurance. Most of them haven't<br>seen you since the service."

"I've had other things to deal with, Aves," she said shortly. "So you can think  
>twice before questioning my desire to live up to…his memory. No one knows what<br>I've been through, what a burden these past few months have been."

"Don't think you're the only one grieving here," Aves cut in harshly. "I was  
>Karrde's friend as well, and don't forget that I was his pilot and confidant<br>long before you ever came on board." His voice had raised a notch and anger  
>began to work its way into his glacial features.<p>

"Perhaps you think he should have left the organisation to you?" Mara cut in  
>harshly.<p>

"Now you're just being childish," Aves shot back. "We all know Karrde wanted  
>you to succeed him. I'm not disputing your claim." He took a deep, long breath.<br>"All I'm saying is that there is so much at stake here, too much for you to  
>wallow in self-pity." He slid his own datapad over to her and stood, smoothing<br>out his clothing.

"We want to follow you, Mara," he said, much more calmly. "But we can't wait much  
>longer. You need to decide where your loyalties lie."<p>

Without a further glance, Aves left the room and Mara felt her carefully  
>contrcuted strength crumble.<p>

************************ 

* * *

><p>Luke couldn't remember a time when he had actually looked forward to going home<br>to his Coruscant apartment every night. It had become such an easy ritual to  
>fall into; he would spend his days researching, or stuck in bureaucratic<br>meetings, checking his chrono every standard minute before leaving at the  
>earliest possible moment. More often than not, he would pick up food on his way<br>home, since neither he nor Mara were particularly disposed to cooking. Then  
>there were those blissful hours he spent in Mara's company, and he couldn't<br>deny that every day the longing for her in his heart grew a little deeper.

It was the simple things that Luke relished, the small words and actions that  
>he never knew he had been missing out on. The way she stroked his hair when he<br>pillowed his head in her lap as they watched a holofilm, listened to the  
>symphony, or simply talked. The smile in her eyes in the mornings, the way she<br>allowed him to hold her long into the night, running his hands over her soft  
>skin. She even listened attentively to his complaints about his work and<br>offered suggestions on the best way to increase funding for the Academy or  
>negotiate the best trades on equipment and goods. She stimulated him in every<br>sense of the word, every day allowing him to discover a little more about the  
>elusive woman who was Mara Jade.<p>

It wasn't paradise of course, neither was their relationship completely smooth  
>or uneventful. Mara had not completely opened up to him and had been reticent<br>to share many details of her life after Endor, that intangible time when she  
>had not been the Emperor's Hand nor Karrde's second in command. He was eager to<br>know everything about her, but Mara refused to speak of that time, insistent  
>that she didn't want to relive the memories. Luke couldn't help but wonder what<br>it was about that time that caused her such pain, but he respected for privacy  
>and resolved not to push her.<p>

Mara also tended to be inexplicably moody; jubilant and full of energy at one  
>moment and then aloof, sarcastic and distant the next. Luke reasoned her<br>behaviour as simply adjustment to their new relationship, as it was uncharted  
>territory for them both. It still unnerved him occasionally to live in such<br>close quarters with a woman after so many years of his own solitude. And Mara  
>had been through a horrendous few months, enough to unnerve the most stable of<br>woman and although she gave the appearance of strength, he knew she already had  
>her share of demons.<p>

Luke's musings halted the moment he entered the apartment, a wave of unease and  
>foreboding passing over him. He quickly took inventory of his moonlit living<br>room. It was empty. He quickly sent out a rapid Force probe through the area,  
>his instinct screaming at him that something was not right. He finally located<br>Mara's shaky, unusually scattered Force sense in the refresher. Luke dropped  
>his cloak and containers of food onto the couch, rushing towards the 'fresher,<br>anxious as to what possibly could have happened to Mara to have such an effect  
>on her Force presence.<p>

Luke burst through the 'fresher door, flicking on the lights to illuminate the  
>room. Mara cowered in the corner, slumped against the far wall and in a clear<br>state of distress. As Luke enetered she covered her eyes against the invading  
>light and his scrutinising gaze, hiding her face from him. A wave of pity and<br>sorrow passed through him as he quickly took stock of the various alcohol  
>bottles that surrounded Mara, most of them empty or nearly so.<p>

Luke moved slowly across the floor and knelt beside her, cursing himself for  
>not picking up on her distress sooner. "Mara," he began softly, reaching out a<br>hand to touch her arm. She flinched and shied away from his touch, burying her  
>face deeper into her hands, her hair falling around her head and shoulders like<br>a curtain. Gently but firmly, Luke grasped her wrists and pried them away from  
>her face. He was shocked at her blood-shot, red-rimmed eyes that stood out from<br>the white pallor of her cheeks and skin. It reminded him all too clearly of the  
>condition he'd found her in after Karrde's funeral service.<p>

Obviously she hadn't recovered from his loss as well as he had thought.

"Mara," he said again, attempting to shift her into his arms, only to have her  
>push him away violently.<p>

"Go away," she whispered haltingly, reaching for the half-empty bottle of  
>Corellian brandy.<p>

Luke wrenched it away from her, the sheer force of his pull sending it out of  
>his grasp and into the far wall, where it shattered, sending amber liquid<br>flying in every direction. Mara moaned pitifully at the loss. Suddenly Luke  
>remembered the amount of brandy she'd had to drink at Leia's dinner party, and<br>the fact that his apartment had been stocked with various alcoholic beverages  
>ever since she had moved in. He cursed himself for not identifying it as a<br>problem sooner – after all, he'd known quite a few alcoholics in the Rebellion  
>and wasn't ignorant to the signs.<p>

But was that the term to describe Mara? She never actually seemed drunk in his  
>presence, and this situation was the first time since they had been together<br>that she had in effect broken down. Obviously she was drowning her sorrows, but  
>Luke wouldn't allow himself to jump to conclusions so swiftly. He was too<br>practiced at giving people the benefit of the doubt to immediately label Mara  
>with such a damning analysis.<p>

"I take it your meeting with Aves didn't go well," he said, careful to keep any  
>accusation or reprimand from his tone. "Did he say something to upset you?"<br>Something must have triggered her, her realised, he just needed to find out  
>what it was and fix it.<p>

Mara snorted derisively and continued to stare at the wall. "He didn't say  
>anything I didn't need to hear," she murmured.<p>

"Then why this?" Luke cupped her chin in his right hand, gently turning her  
>face towards his. Her eyes were deep with pain. "Unless it was something you<br>didn't _want_ to hear."

"I just…" Tears welled up in Mara's eyes and Luke felt his chest ache. He had  
>never seen Mara cry, even in those hours he comforted her after Karrde's<br>service. He knew that for her to lose control in that way meant that the situation  
>was far more serious than he had guessed.<p>

"It's all right to still be grieving," he said softly, stroking her cheek.

Mara shook her head slightly. "I'm weak."

"No, Mara, no," he replied firmly. "That's just not true. I know how much you  
>cared for Talon." He saw Mara recoil at the mention of his name, but he pressed<br>on. "You've suffered a great loss, and it is going to take some time for you to  
>find your balance again."<p>

"I can't even think about him. I should be able to," she insisted. "I know I  
>should just suck it up and take control of the organisation, make him proud,<br>but…" she trailed off, a hand coming to cover her mouth to stop herself from  
>crying out.<p>

"Is that the reason for this?" Luke asked gently. "You want to forget?"

Mara took a shaky breath. "Sometimes," she admitted. "Most of the time, I'm all  
>right. With you, Luke…" she looked at him nervously. "You make me feel like<br>nothing else in the universe matters. When I'm with you I feel…at peace. As if  
>nothing could hurt me."<p>

Luke smiled and took her hand, his fingers gently stroking hers. He was pleased  
>at her admission, she had never given such an indication that she savoured and<br>enjoyed his company. Of course he had felt it in her embrace and soft, sweet  
>kisses, but to hear it vocalised was reassuring.<p>

"But when you're not here," she continued, "I can't help but think that I  
>should be somewhere else. That I'm too selfish to be happy with you…as if it is<br>a disservice to…to….Talon," she stumbled over his name, but managed to force it  
>out.<p>

Relief flooded over Luke. It was merely the threat of insecurity, of failure  
>that Mara felt, something that could be tended to and dealt with easily. Luke<br>was certain that he could help her through her grief, as he had told her that  
>night outside the bar, he was no stranger to it. "Mara, I can help you through<br>this," he shifted closer to her. "But you have to trust me."

Her gaze softened slightly into affection. "I do," she whispered.

"Is this," he gestured the empty bottles, "all there is? There's nothing else  
>you want to tell me?"<p>

Mara shook her head slowly, and Luke sighed in relief, reaching forward to fold  
>her into his arms. She went willingly and nestled her head against the crook of<br>his neck.

Luke held her tightly and stroked her hair, whispering comfort to her, promises  
>that they would get through it all together. She gradually told him about the<br>man that she had known, the proud yet gentle smuggler who had seen in her a  
>great potential, and her own florishing worth. Who had given her a chance when<br>she thought she had run out of them.

Luke listened, relieved that she was finally opening up to him, dealing with  
>her grief in a healthy way. He knew the alcohol was just a symptom, and with<br>his help and support, she would no longer need it. She would have him. Luke  
>silently promised himself that he would shoulder any burden that Mara had been<br>forced to carry, would fight to his dying breathe to protect her from hurt, or  
>pain. He would do anything just to keep her by his side and in his arms.<p>

And it was in that moment that Luke Skywalker realised he was in love. 


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15 **

* * *

><p>"Hello Mara." Looking stately in a pure white senatorial gown, Leia greeted her<br>with a welcoming smile.

"Madame Senator," Mara replied stiffly, clutching her glass of water tightly,  
>wishing it was something far stronger and more substantial.<p>

"I told you to call me Leia," she admonished her with a smile, patting her arm  
>affectionately.<p>

"Of course." Mara looked around for an escape, anybody that could draw her away  
>from Luke's sister. But the man in question was talking animatedly with a Mon<br>Calamari Senator and there was no one else among the throngs of diplomats,  
>politicians and traders who seemed available to come to her rescue.<p>

"I saw you speaking to the Sullustan ambassador," Leia said conversationally.

"Yes," Mara wasn't at all keen on small talk, but Leia's warm geniality was not  
>to be rebuffed. "I was just discussing our trading contract."<p>

"All going well, I hope?"

Mara nodded. "I've convinced them that I need some more time to get the  
>organisation running smoothly again. They've agreed to wait in exchange for a<br>slight discount in their fees."

"I'm glad," Leis smiled warmly. "So you are planning on taking charge of the  
>organisation full time then?"<p>

Mara hadn't decided anything of the sort; her talk with the ambassador had just  
>been to stall for time. She still had so much she had to work out, to deal<br>with, before she could allow people to depend on her. "There is still a lot to  
>plan," she replied diplomatically.<p>

That seemed to satisfy Leia, because she didn't ask for clarification. Instead,  
>she glanced at her brother, and Mara's eyes followed to Luke, still laughing<br>quietly with the Mon Calamari. "I think Luke was hoping you would return to  
>Yavin with him, now that things are...different between you," Leia said<br>cautiously.

Mara stiffened, disliking the turn in conversation to something so personal.  
>"They're not <em>that<em> different," she  
>answered. "There is no way I can become a Jedi now," she continued after a<br>thoughtful pause. "Not with the organisation to run."

Surely Luke knew that? For a moment Mara looked at her lover, so alive and  
>excitable. She wondered what would happen when he had to leave Coruscant again;<br>a day they both knew was fast approaching yet neither dared to discuss.

"I'm sure you'll find a compromise," Leia smiled and turned back to Mara. "I  
>know how hard it is to juggle a career and a family."<p>

Mara flinched at the word. "Well, it's a good thing I don't have that problem,"  
>she stated coldly.<p>

"Of course." Leia's lip twitched, but she covered it in another broad smile. "You know, I'm here if you need someone to talk to someone...of the female persuasion, that is," she laughed lightly. "I like to think that I know my brother better than most, and I am an expert at browbeating him into doing things my way."

"Thank you," Mara replied much more warmly, but knew she would never take the  
>Senate Chief up on that offer. Still, that fact she had reached out a welcoming<br>hand to her in that way, as if Mara was Leia's own friend and not just Luke's  
>lover. For a moment, guilt punctured Mara's heart as she realised that she had<br>to guard her secret all the more diligently. If anyone were to find out, Mara  
>realised that Luke would not be the only one hurt from it.<p>

"I've never seen my brother so happy," Leia continued, her eyes once again on  
>Luke. "It's as if the weight of the universe has been lifted off his<br>shoulders," she sighed happily. "I suppose I have you to thank for that." She  
>patted Mara's arm again, and she struggled against flinching away from Leia's<br>light touch. "If you ever need anything, Mara," she nodded and smiled, before  
>shifting and becoming engaged in conversation with another senator.<p>

Mara breathed a sigh of relief and moved away, taking a seat at the banquet  
>table. She hated these kinds of functions, even if it was a supposedly casual<br>business lunch. There were far too many people for Mara's liking, too many eyes  
>searching her out, penetrating her calm façade. She couldn't even spend the<br>afternoon with Luke, at her own insistence. They had arrived separately and  
>thus far she had avoided him. There should be nothing suspicious about them<br>having a conversation, but Mara still felt as if someone would discover their relationship  
>simply by observing them together.<p>

She'd also had the grim duty of conversing with numerous trading officials and  
>ambassadors - clients who needed to be appeased. It had taken all of Mara's diplomacy in order<br>to keep them satisfied that their trading would recommence in the near future.

But Mara didn't want to think about that, not when her anxiety and already  
>reached its zenith. Worries plagued her, questions about her own ability to<br>lead, to remain strong for those who depended on her.

She needed some spice, just to calm her down, to feel that bliss where nothing  
>mattered, where her problems drifted away on a hazy breeze. Or perhaps, she<br>considered, she needed something that would gratify and fulfill her all the  
>more effectively.<p>

With a small nudge through the Force, Mara made it clear to Luke that it was  
>time for them to leave and engage in more profitable activities.<p>

***********************

* * *

><p>As the sun softly kissed the Manarai<br>Mountains, Luke watched  
>his lover sleep, bathed in a gentle red-gold glow. He smiled and gently brushed<br>his lips to her shoulder, knowing that while he had been annoyed at Mara from  
>pulling him away from the luncheon, she had made it up to him in spades. His<br>heart sang at the sight of her, snuggled so comfortably, so naturally in his  
>arms. There had not been any trouble between them since the night he'd found<br>her on his 'fresher floor. He was still gone for long periods during the day,  
>but he trusted that she had not touched any more alcohol since that incident.<br>Moreover, he had sensed it through the Force.

Mara had even started to make tentative movements towards succeeding Karrde in  
>his organisation, making enquiries, meeting with dignitaries. Although Luke<br>didn't want to share her with anything or anybody, he knew he had to support  
>her in any way he could, even if it meant putting the Academy on the backburner<br>for a while. He had all but finished his research and spoken to all the people  
>he could on Coruscant, and Luke knew he couldn't delay his return to Yavin 4<br>much longer. His students needed him as well, that niggling voice of reason  
>insisted.<p>

Sighing, Luke retracted his embrace, and Mara shivered at the loss of contact.  
>He carefully got out of the bed and put on his sleep pants, making sure to tuck<br>the covers tightly around her body. "I'll be back soon, love," he whispered  
>soothingly as he kissed her temple. He knew Mara needed her sleep, and he<br>didn't want his anxiety to penetrate her barriers and awaken her.

Luke wandered out onto his private balcony, allowing the soft evening breeze to  
>tussle his hair. He closed his eyes and sought his centre, allowing the sounds<br>of the city; the spinning, churning lifeblood of Coruscant to consume him in  
>the Force. Because while he knew that everything seemed perfect in his life, in<br>his relationship with Mara, there was still that small stab of doubt, some  
>instinct telling him that something was wrong.<p>

Maybe it was the city itself, the overwhelming presence of sentients, thinking,  
>living, filling the Force with their thoughts, words and actions. It was too<br>loud for him to possibly pinpoint the exact cause of his distress. Or perhaps,  
>he told himself, he was just being paranoid, looking for flaws in his<br>relationship with Mara because it was getting so serious. He knew that he loved  
>her but was still fearful of letting her know. It had been a huge step for Luke<br>to realise it for himself, and would be an even larger step for Mara, of that  
>he was sure.<p>

Luke sighed again, rubbing his forehead in exasperation. All of this ponderance  
>was giving him a headache, but Luke knew he had to get to the bottom of<br>whatever disturbance or deception he was sensing.

Tomorrow. For now, Luke was content to simply concentrate on the beauty of the  
>sunset as he resolved to let the Force take its course and show him the way.<p>

But he was unaware of the shadowy figure in the opposite building, who sat in  
>constant vigilance on his apartment. Nor did he perceive the malicious intent,<br>or the small holorecorder whirring away at the figure's side, documenting  
>Luke's every move.<p> 


	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

"I got to hand it to you, Kid," Han grinned as he took another generous sip of whiskey and leant back on his chair. "I never thought you'd be able to pull it off."

Luke made sure to keep his voice low to avoid the other patrons of the diner overhearing their conversation. "It's only been a few months, Han," he said amiably. "I wouldn't go planning the wedding just yet."

"Believe me, Luke, your sister is practically salivating over the thought," Han chuckled to himself.

"Even if Mara isn't exactly her ideal choice for me?" Luke smiled into his own cup of caf. He knew his sister had doubts about Mara, even if she didn't voice them.

Han waved a dismissive hand, setting his drink back on the table. "Leia likes her, you know that. We all do. Just because we were expecting you to crash and burn doesn't mean we aren't pleased things are finally working out for you two."

There had been a time when Luke would have been irritated by Han's gentle teasing, but the past few months had loosened him up considerably. But there were those small doubts that twisted inside of him, as if his relationship with Mara was just too good to be true.

"I feel selfish," Luke voiced his concerns. "I should have gone back to the Academy weeks ago, but I just wanted some time for myself for a change. I wanted to be with her."

"That's only natural, Luke," Han replied supportively. "Don't go beating yourself up about it."

"But the Academy still has a long way to go, and the students…"

"Look, Luke," Han leaned forward, looking serious and concerned. "People are always going to need you. There's always going to be some renegade student, some galactic crisis, some Imperial who gets too big for his boots that you need to sort out. But you can't let that overrun your life. That was Leia's main problem, before we got married. She felt as if she had to be a martyr." Han gave him a soft, sincere smile. "But serving the Republic doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your happiness, Luke. Don't forget that."

Luke looked at his friend and brother-in-law with a strange sense of awe. "When did you become so smart?" he asked, a grin forming on his face.

"I've always been smart," Han boasted. "It's just you finally decided to listen."

Luke laughed, feeling the weight of his troubles dissipate into the crisp Coruscant air. He truly enjoyed his time with Han, who never treated him as a lofty, serious Jedi, but was always willing to call Luke on his faults and tell him when he needed to wake up to himself. In Han's eyes, he was still the reckless farmboy he'd picked up on Tatooine, and Luke couldn't deny that that was the way he liked it. Their conversation turned to the latest smashball scores, until Luke noticed a tall male Bothan sidle up to their table.

Han stopped his in-depth analysis of the previous night's game and gave the Bothan a suspicious look.

"Master Skywalker?" The creature's low musical voice addressed Luke.

"Look buddy," Han began. "We're busy. Go wait over there and if you're lucky the kid might give you an autograph or something."

Luke gave his friend a reproachful look, but the Bothan seemed unperturbed and did not even glance at Han.

"Allow me to introduce myself, Master Skywalker," he continued. "My name is Ashk. In my language, it means 'big-hearted'."

Han snorted. "Oh, I'm sure."

"Han." Luke sent him another silencing glance.

"Master Skywalker," Ashk said again. "I wonder if I might speak to you in private."

"Look," Han spat hotly. "Anything you've got to say to Luke you can say in front of me."

"Han, please," Luke help up a hand to quite his friend before turning back to Ashk. Despite his politeness, Luke's warning sense flared at the Bothan's presence, and he certainly didn't want to be caught in a conversation with him. "Anything you need to say to me, you can say in front of him," Luke gestured to Han, who folded his arms and looked smug.

"It is a rather personal matter, but as you wish, Master Skywalker." Ashk withdrew small datapad from his pocket. "I was wondering if you wanted to substantiate the rumours that you and Master Trader Mara Jade are involved in a clandestine relationship."

Luke felt a cold stab of ice in his gut, but found himself unable to form an appropriate response. For his part, Han looked murderously up at the Bothan. "I should have known," he said angrily. "A holoreporter. We've got nothing to say."

"I am a _journalist_," Ashk stressed the word, but had a dangerous gleam in his eye. "I was just giving Master Skywalker an opportunity to explain these." He turned his datapad around to show Han and Luke the static images on the screen. The first showed Luke leaning against the railing of his apartment balcony, bare-chested and in his sleep pants. Ashk flipped onto the next image, this time of Mara, hair rumpled and in one of Luke's tunics which thankfully, covered her body appropriately. Image after image of either Mara or Luke on the balcony of his apartment, followed by images of them together in the streets or in his speeder.

Luke was careful to keep his temper, which was beginning to flare. "There's nothing to explain," he said calmly. "Mara Jade and I are friends. It is not a crime to spend time together."

"But for her to frequently spend the night at your apartment?" Ashk questioned him.

Luke shrugged. "She's been going through a tough time lately. I don't often close the door on my friends."

"Yes, of course," the Bothan smiled sardonically. "The recent death of her employer. I'm sure you are _comforting_ her marvellously."

"Look," Han rose to his feet, fists clenched. "Obviously you don't have any proof, or you wouldn't be here fishing for some. And those holos don't mean a damn thing."

"I admit, if I published these they would cause a minor stir, hardly worth the effort," Ashk shrugged unapologetically. "I am waiting for something that would be far more explosive concerning the two of you. I just need the proof. Of course, if you were willing to compensate me for becoming involved in another case…"

"What do you mean by that?" asked Luke, confused. What else other than their relationship could he leak to the public?

"Perhaps you should ask Trader Jade," Ashk said with a smile.

Luke was about to question him further, but Han patted his arm. "Like I said before, we've got nothing to say," he said firmly. "And you've got somewhere to be, remember Luke?"

"Of course," Ashk grinned ferally, showing his sharp, pointy teeth. "Your return to Yavin IV. Forgive me for keeping you waiting."

Luke opened his mouth, but closed it again without speaking. No one was supposed to know of his departure. What other information did this Bothan have, he wondered? But he dismissed the thought, knowing that if Ashk had anything damning on either he or Mara, he would already have printed it. And a wayward holoreporter sniffing for proof was very low on his list of concerns at that moment. "Good day," he nodded politely to Ashk before turning with Han to leave the small diner.

"Clear skies, Master Skywalker," he heard Ashk call after him. "I hope we meet again."

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* * *

><p>Mara looked out the viewscreen of the <em>Hunter's Luck <em>as the sound of the holonet twittered in the background. She checked her chrono for what seemed like the thousandth time that day. Luke wasn't even that late, but she had become very jittery in the past few days. She had managed to limit her spice use, discovering that being with Luke negated her need for it, but when he was not in her presence the itch returned. She had stowed some away in her pack, just in case. But she couldn't risk taking it yet, not when they were almost ready to leave Coruscant. Mara wasn't sure how it would affect her piloting skills, and she would never let Luke near the controls of her ship.

Mara had debated just simply coming clean with Luke, telling him everything and perhaps, with his help, moving beyond the spice. Karrde had helped her in that way, after all.

But Talon had been her friend, not her lover. There hadn't been that intimacy of trust between them - that had come later, after he had helped her through her addiction. She tried to tell herself that it was not that serious yet. She wasn't addicted, she didn't need to get high everyday, and she could quit whenever she wanted to. That was her mantra, even if a part of her knew it was a lie. But to tell Luke everything would be admitting to how much she had deceived him, that their relationship was built on less than pure intentions.

She had become so wrapped up in her own web of lies, there was no way she could extract herself cleanly and easily. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Luke. He wouldn't understand that the spice was just a support, like meditation was for him. Luke would see it as a weakness, a crutch. And he would leave her. That was Mara's greatest fear - that Luke would find out, that she would see the look of disgust and disappointment on his face, that he would regret the day he ever took her into his home and life.

Her gut instinct told her that Luke would not react in such a way, but in Mara's opinion, the stakes were too high to risk it.

"Sorry I'm late," Luke's warm, gentle voice flowed through the cockpit, and Mara turned to him startled. How had he managed to sneak up on her? She dismissed the thought and forced a smile onto her face. Luke crossed the cockpit in a single stride and pressed a hearty kiss to her lips. "Han and I got caught up," he said apologetically when he released her. "The smashball game was disgraceful, apparently."

"Yes, I heard," Mara tilted her head to indicate the holonet that was playing across the room. "Are you ready?"

"Just got to stow my pack away, and I'll come back and join you for takeoff," he replied, but didn't make a move, still gazing at her face.

Mara gave him a gentle prod with her elbow. "Well?"

Luke smiled slightly, his hand reaching up to brush her cheek. "Are you sure you don't want to stay on Yavin with me?" he asked. "I promise not to force you into any training exercises."

Mara shook her head. "I can't, Luke. I have to check in with Tanner on Kessel. Holonet conference calls just aren't enough for me to handle things there."

"I understand," Luke said easily, but a sudden sadness tainted his eyes. He stood fully, nodding to himself. "I'll be right back," he continued before walking out of the cockpit, the durasteel door sliding closed behind him.

Mara sighed, doubts plaguing her mind for a few moments, regret and melancholy that she was going to be separated from Luke for even a short period of time. If only…

But suddenly the news report on the holonet caught her attention as the crisp voice of the female reporter cut through her soul.

_A recent appeal has seen the sentence of Raith Nadon, convicted murder, reduced after his lawyers argued he was influenced by his upbringing and indoctrination into the terrorist group Assami Qui. Several months ago Nadon led an uprising at a trading conference on Oon Tien, in the Kathol system. Among his victims were the Quarren Ambassador Barer Kahls and Smuggler Chief Talon Karrde._

_Nadon has been moved into a minimum security prison on Oon Tien and it is very likely with good behaviour that he will serve only twenty years for his crimes against the government and New Republic… _

Mara heard no more of the report, while the reality of the situation began to burn in her mind. In the past hazy months, she had forgotten about the pirate that had killed Talon - that had orchestrated the entire situation. Who had indirectly caused her current distress and floundering will. Mara has been assured Nadon had been tried and punished to the full extent of the law, that he would spend rest of his miserable life in a cold, hard prison without comfort. But it seemed he had been given a reprieve he didn't deserve.

White-hot fury burned deep within Mara as she remembered the swarthy face of the man who had been so smug, who had gloated over her in the cold morning hours as Talon had bled to death. Mara willed blistering tears down. She couldn't allow Luke to sense or see her distress. She would drop him off at Yavin as she had promised; she would fulfill her duties on Kessel. But a detour to Oon Tien couldn't hurt. The security around Nadon wouldn't be difficult to penetrate, and she would have her chance to show the man the same courtesy he had given her dearest friend and mentor. Yes, she told herself. It was the only course of action she could take.

She would avenge the death of Talon Karrde.


	18. Chapter 17

In the belly of the _Hunter's Luck_, Mara ran a shaking hand over the newly-acquired cargo. A fresh shipment of refined glitterstim spice, packed neatly into metal compartments, ready for distribution. It was intended to be taken back to Coruscant, where the New Republic Medical Association intended to run tests on its medicinal value. Apparently one of their scientists had hypothesised that when administered in the right way, it could be used as a powerful sedative.

In any case, it _called_ to her.

Ever since she had dropped Luke off at Yavin a few days previous, she had not thought of much else. Only the spice had the ability to wash the fierce blue of his eyes away, to make her forget just how much she missed his presence.

Mara swiftly opened the first compartment, revealing the pure-white glow of the carefully-packaged drug. Mara swallowed heavily at the sight of it, her heart already pumping furiously in anticipation. Her blood was burning under her skin, itching and aching for her to reach out and take what she needed.

A small amount wouldn't hurt, she told herself as she pocketed a few small pouches. There would be plenty left for the NRMA and her need was greater.

"Trader Jade?" Tanner's curt voice called from behind her and Mara whipped around, closing the metal compartment swiftly. Her assistant's lanky frame stood silhouetted in the doorway, and Tanner turned on the hold's illumination switch, lighting the room.

"Tanner." Mara nodded, keeping her nervousness in check. She simply couldn't shake the feeling that Tanner knew more than he was letting on. The way he watched her…it was unnerving. "I was just double-checking the shipment was secured."

"We have two days until we reach Oon Tien," Tanner replied evenly, watching her with his penetrative gaze. "It would be a much pleasanter journey if you stop this pretence."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Mara replied stiffly, securing the compartment of spice back with the others.

"Do you think that I would betray you?" he continued in that same placid tone. "That I would tell Master Skywalker, perhaps? I have no loyalty to him, I assure you."

Mara didn't reply, but regarded her assistant oddly. He had always been a strange man, but capable and intelligent, enough to keep a handle on her business on Kessel. She wasn't sure of his background, or history, but had dismissed him as simply and employee and nothing more. What intuition did he have, she now wondered, that caused him to accuse her so boldly?

"Or perhaps you believe I would try and stop you?" Tanner was persistent, even taking a step further into the room. "I know there is more to your visit to Oon Tiel than your organisation. You have business of a different kind, I believe?"

"And you know me so well do you?" Mara said caustically.

"I've known many like you," Tanner replied simply. "My father, for one. On Corellia there is an old saying, that a grieving husband would best seek comfort by drinking himself to death. He took the phrase…rather literally."

"And you didn't try to stop him?" Mara said after a long silence.

"I would have given him my help, if he had asked for it," Tanner said sadly. "But that was not his way, as I suspect it is not yours."

"I don't need help," Mara stated firmly.

"I know you believe that," he replied. "And it may very well kill you. My father was stubborn, too blinded by his own pain to save himself. Because more often than not, we die because we give up, not because we are beaten." Tanner gave her one last meaningful look, before leaving Mara alone in the hold once again.

Not wanting to think about his words that stuck her all too closely, Mara reached again for the compartment of spice, knowing it would be her salvation.

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* * *

><p><em>Coruscant<em>

In his small dwelling in Coruscant's underground, Ashk was surrounded by surveillance holos. He had become so acquainted with the faces of Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade it was not difficult for him to see the obvious change. While the Jedi remained much the same, with the exception of seeming happier and smiling the more recent the holos were, there was no doubting that Jade's appearance had deteriorated. Skywalker wouldn't have noticed it, Ashk concluded. He saw her every day and such small changes over the months would have escaped his notice. But with the comparative evidence in front of him, it was easy for Ashk to document her decline.

It was most obvious from the holos taken in the morning and midday – a time he knew Master Skywalker to be out of the apartment. The bright, red-rimmed eyes, the sheen of sweat on pale skin, the endless fidgeting…Ashk knew a spice addict when he saw one. The final evidence was the slight white tinge to Jade's irises – only present at the pinnacle of the spice high and the only conclusive evidence of a junkie.

Of course, he could not sell these holos to the sludgenews. It would be printed, but easily dismissed and Ashk's fee would be minimal. A trick of the light, Skywalker's people would say. Or that Jade was ill with the galactic flu, or simply overtired. No, Ashk needed more damning evidence. He had been content to simply blow the secret of Skywalker and Jade's tryst, but the Jedi Master involved with a spice addict? That was far more alarming news the galaxy deserved to know. It would be extremely profitable for Ashk as well, he just needed the proof.

Unfortunately he had been prevented from following Jade and Skywalker off Coruscant, a small legal matter which bound him planetside until he had credits enough for a bribe. But that was an insignificant detail; he had his friend and cousin Eshka trailing the _Hunter's Luck_ and sending back regular reports on Jade's actions. After brief stopovers at Yavin and Kessel, she had docked her ship on Oon Tiel that very morning.

Ashk smiled to himself and turned his concentration back to his holos, a wonderful sense of anticipation building within him. It was close now, he could sense it. As soon as Mara Jade slipped, he would be there to document it for the galaxy.

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* * *

><p><em>Oon Tiel<em>

Mara was calm as she walked into Raith Nadon's cell, flanked by a young, nervous-looking guard. It had all flowed back to her so easily – the cold calculation, all thoughts turned towards the task at hand…the contained rush of anticipation at proving herself, of succeeding. It was a feeling she had not expected to ever experience again, certain that her assassination days were long over.

But the situation was different, she told herself. Back then it had been at a tyrant's bidding – she had been manipulated and coerced into becoming a cold-blooded killer. It was about revenge, now, about justice. Her actions were of her own mind, and so the consequences would be on her head alone. Not that she expected to get caught, Mara had planned the attempt down to the last detail, despite the drug-fuelled daze she had inflicted upon herself in the hyperspace travel to Oon Tiel.

Every detail had been meticulously examined, every eventuality planned for …but her composure and practicality faded as she came face to face with the man who had murdered Talon. On the outside, she remained calm, that hard, marble shell that encased her swirling emotions. Inside she was reeling with anger, eagerness, and perhaps a bit of fear. She had promised herself never to return to that kind of life…but Talon was worth it, wasn't he?

"You may leave us," she spoke softly to the guard who had escorted her into the cell, the weight of the Force behind her words. The guard nodded docilely and left, leaving her alone in the small windowless room with the man she was about to kill.

Nadon did not seem so different from when she had last seen him, being led away by security forces. He was gaunt, his skin carrying a pallid, sickly complexion, and his face seemed almost shrunken behind his stubbly dark facial hair. But his eyes still glistened dangerously in their dark caverns, reminding Mara that he was a man that simply did not feel remorse, or regret. For him, the end had justified the means and his actions had been worth it, despite his present condition. Mara knew this because she had once held the very same countenance, had reasoned with herself the same way.

Sitting cross-legged on his cot against the durasteel wall, Nadon sized her up casually. Mara remained silent as she allowed him to search for memory of her. It wouldn't do to have him die in ignorance.

"Hello, Offworlder," he said eventually, without surprise or even curiousness. "How nice of you to come visit me."

"This isn't a social call," Mara spoke softly, calmly.

"A reprieve, then?" he replied in that same even tone, as Mara leaned down to pull a thin, sharp blade from her boot. It hadn't been easy getting it past security, but what kind of assassin would she be if she hadn't risen to the challenge?

"Not exactly," she said, adjusting her grip on the knife. She held it loosely, but there was no doubt as to her intentions as the metal gleamed in the dim light.

Nadon smiled. "Not what I was hoping for," he said, eying the blade.

"And what was that?" Mara took a slow step towards him, allowing herself to play along. It had always seemed fairer when her victims had been allowed to say last words, or in some cases, last pleas.

Nadon sighed deeply, leaning his head back against the wall. "This place is more accommodating than the last, I admit," he began. "But it is lacking certain…essentials."

"Like what?"

"Like access to what I know you have hidden inside your jacket," he replied, his penetrating gaze settling once again on her.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Mara replied stiffly. She had a small pouch of spice in one of her jacket's hidden pockets, should she be in need…but how had he known that?

"Oh, I see," Nadon's eyes narrowed. "You're one of _those_."

Mara felt her blood heat up instantly in her veins. "What do you mean by that?" she asked coldly.

Nadon cocked his head in response, as if sizing her up. "You're ashamed of it when you shouldn't be, because that makes it wrong. You can't accept that it is an addiction, and so you can never be truly free of it's hold. You should give yourself over to it, rather than be enslaved."

"I'm not addicted to it." Mara didn't bother to pretend she didn't know what he was referring to.

Nadon smiled unpleasantly. "No more than you are addicted to oxygen," he replied, his voice suddenly silken and low. "That's your problem. You use it as an escape when it should be a release. You bind yourself in secrets and deception when you should be using it to liberate yourself." He shook his head and grunted angrily. "You offworlders," he scoffed. "You wonder why we had to take drastic measures."

Thoughts of Talon swarmed Mara's mind. His body, bloodied and his cold, dead eyes… and here was his murderer _justifying_ his actions?

"You killed my friend," she stated simply.

"And you are here to avenge him? Understandable," he replied, shrugging slightly. "I won't try to stop you."

Mara advanced on him slowly, holding the blade at arms length. She was ready.

"He was the smuggler, wasn't he?" Nadon said calmly even as Mara grew closer. "Your friend," he clarified. When Mara didn't answer, he continued nonplussed, as if she wasn't holding a deadly blade centimetres from his vulnerable throat. "It was his own fault. We told everyone not to move and they wouldn't get hurt. A simple enough instruction, don't you think? But your friend had to play the hero, he tried to take us all on himself." Nadon grinned, his yellowed teeth appearing under the snarl of his lip. "Although I have to admit it was a pleasure to shut him up-"

"_You_ shut up," she ordered him through clenched teeth. Mara towered above him, Nadon had not even attempted to move from his position on the cot. She pressed the cool metal against his throat threateningly, that dull anger alighting and spreading through her like a wave.

"It was delightfully symbolic, I thought," Nadon continued, seemingly heedless to the cool mental pressed against his throat. "Because that's what you offworlders were intending to do to our trade…bleed us dry. It was…fitting."

A small speck of blood appeared at the tip of Mara's blade, the droplet quickly running down Nadon's neck. He didn't seem to notice it at all, but instead continued to stare directly into Mara's eyes. _Do it_, a voice inside her whispered. _It's time_.

And Mara felt a calmness wash over her, a remembered apathy as her grip tightened on the knife. She stood poised to strike down her enemy, to willingly seal her fate and swipe the hard, unforgiving metal through his pliable, exposed neck.

Perhaps she had been kidding herself all this time, telling herself that she had changed, that she had overcome the strong addictions of her past. For the truth was, Mara realised, she had never stopped being an assassin.


	19. Chapter 18

_Yavin 4_

"Master Skywalker?" Kyp Durron poked a shaggy head into his master's quarters. Ever since the incident with Exar Kun, Kyp had been somewhat hesitant with Luke, but the Jedi had been nothing but accepting of him. He found the attitude comforting and yet irritating at the same time. But he pushed aside his personal feelings for the sake of his training. And he did like Luke after all; he just disagreed with some of the Jedi's methods.

"Come in, Kyp," he heard Luke say, and he entered the room to see his master floating cross-legged several inches above the ground. Datapads and other equipment orbited around him steadily.

"I can come back later, if you're busy, Master," Kyp said respectfully. He was always certain to be deferential, even if he didn't mean it. However in this case he was being rarely sincere, as the Jedi seemed to be in a deep concentration.

Luke uncrossed his legs and landed lightly on the carpet. "No, that's alright, Kyp. I'm just…trying to focus." The objects surrounding him gradually floated back to their usual places around the room.

Kyp was curious. "Are you feeling distracted, Master?"

Luke sighed, but gave him a small smile. "I've been away from the Academy for a while, Kyp," he answered. "It's been difficult to get myself back into the mindset."

It was true that Master Skywalker had been away from Yavin for longer than anyone had expected. There was more than one rumour as to what kept him on Coruscant so long. Kyp had never been one for gossip, but Luke's behaviour did nothing to discount such rumours. He went from blissfully happy, which had included whistling in the halls, to strange disquiet and forlorn, locked away in his quarters even during meals.

"Your business on Coruscant is finished then?" Kyp asked slyly.

"For the most part," Luke replied somewhat reluctantly. "But of course I will be returning there shortly."

"Of course," Kyp replied, remembering. "Your birthday celebrations."

"She assures me that it will be something of a spectacle," Luke grimaced, but not without a bit of humour.

"It's not everyday you turn thirty, Master," Kyp reminded him.

"I trust you will be attending, then?" Luke smiled. "If I have to suffer then all of you do as well."

"You can count on that," Kyp replied with a grin. "But I sense that you are anxious to return now." He reached out through the Force to determine Luke's feelings.

Luke's smile became wistful, and a vague sense of anticipation leaked out through his tight barriers. "I admit I never thought I would miss the Capital so much," he began. "This has become my home, but Coruscant…it does have a certain appeal."

"Well you know that we are not completely cut off, Master. There's always the holonet," Kyp put in suggested.

Luke nodded, falling into a silent contemplation. Kyp knew he would get no advice from the Jedi at that moment. He could ask his question later, he decided, and slipped back out of Luke's quarters unnoticed.

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* * *

><p><em>Oon Tiel<em>

"What are you waiting for?" Nadon did not flinch as the blade lightly pieced the stubbled skin of his throat again, a result of Mara's hesitation. "Do it, if you're going to," he egged her on.

But Mara's hand seemed frozen. So far only Nadon's own movements had caused him damage. Mara knew she had to finish it, but all of a sudden it was like her first kill. She remembered it vividly – hesitation followed by a messy completion of her work, blood all over her hands and clothes, vomiting in the hotel 'fresher afterwards, disgusted with herself…

But this time it would be worth it, Mara told herself as she re-adjusted her grip on the dagger in her hand. Just one quick slice, and then it would be over.

A loud, insistent beeping startled her and she broke eye contact with Nadon, who looked impassively down at her waist.

"For you, I believe?" he said calmly, indicating her commlink.

Mara withdrew the device from her belt, trying to ignore the sense of mixed relief and fury at being interrupted. She stepped back and thumbed it on, careful to keep her dagger pointed in Nadon's direction.

"What?" she barked into the receiver.

"Sorry to disturb you, Trader Jade," Tanner's crisp voice came through the commlink. "But Master Skywalker has contacted the ship. Would you like me to patch him through?"

"Of course not." Mara panicked inwardly. Luke? "Tell him I'm in an important meeting." She ignored Nadon's smirk in response.

"Of course." She could almost hear the disapproval in her assistant's voice. "Finishing the business begun on Oon Tiel."

"Don't you breathe a word about where I am," she cut him off angrily. "And don't disturb me again." She switched the comm off forcefully and put it away with a harsh sigh.

"So who is this Master Skywalker?" Nadon asked after a short silence. Mara refocussed her attention, looking closely at the two trails of dry red blood on his neck, fantasising about finishing the job. There was nothing more Mara would love to see than the deadening on Nadon's eyes, his blood replacing Talon's in her memory.

But in her mind, over and over again, she asked herself, _what would Luke think? How would he react to the blood on her hands?_ Her head began to ache with the ferocity of her hesitation, of the duelling voices in her mind. Eventually, she sheathed the blade back into her belt, suddenly realising she couldn't go through with it. Nadon looked at her with the first genuine emotion she had seen from him and Mara ignored his obvious surprise.

"You've never heard of him?" Mara walked over to the empty bunk beside the duracrete table built into the wall, adjacent to Nadon.

He eyed her warily and shrugged. "I don't care too much for offworlders."

"Of course." Mara reached into her jacket and pulled out a small pouch of spice. Nadon started to twitch unconsciously, and Mara revelled in his discomfort. The need to kill and cause pain had lapsed, replaced by a deeper ache that was mirrored in her companion's eyes. She waited for a few minutes in silence, as his breathing grew more rapid and his hands began to shake.

"Please," he said eventually, licking his lips, entranced by the power in her hand. "Please."

Some of her anger began to dissipate, turning into a strange sense of satisfaction. Before, when she had held the blade to Nadon's throat he had seemed complacent, as if he was still in control. How his eyes were hungry and pleading. "I don't think you're worth it," she taunted him, dangling the pouch in front of his face.

"Please," he said again, his voice straining. "I – I'm sorry."

She knew his words to be false, but it gave her satisfaction to see him give in all the same. Mara waited a few more satisfying moments before finally opening the packed and shook some spice onto the table. She withdrew the blade again and used it to reform the spice into a thin line, then leant back and gestured for Nadon to take a hit. He pressed a finger against the side of his nose and fell forward onto the table hungrily. Mara turned away, trying to block out the sounds of frantic snorting and ignore the surreal nature of the situation.

When he was done, Nadon raised his head, brushing the excess powder off his nose and lips, his pupils already a hazy white. "So this is the stuff you're trying to push on us?" he asked, sounding sated. "It's not bad."

"Worth all that death?" Mara asked bitterly.

"We both know the ends justify the means," he replied simply.

"And is this the end you envisioned?" Mara asked, preparing her own line of spice.

"Others will continue my work," he said resolutely.

Mara didn't reply, but bent down over the table to consume the spice she had readied. Immediately the rush began to feel her senses, starting as an explosion in her head, tingling in her torso and finally rushing hotly through her extremities. She closed her eyes to revel in the sensation, oblivious to absurdity of taking spice with her enemy. But nothing mattered, nothing bothered her as the drug wound through her bloodstream.

"So what about this Skywalker guy," Nadon said after a time of companionable silence. "Is he in love with you?"

Mara jerked her head towards him. "Why do you care?" she said with no real venom. "He's an offworlder."

Nadon shrugged in return. "I suppose I don't. But for some reason I find your conversation interesting. You remind me something of myself, I suppose."

In a half-second Mara once again had her dagger at Nadon's throat. "We are nothing alike."

"If you say so."

For some reason, Mara cringed inwardly. _If you say so_. Wasn't that what she was always saying to Luke, and what he teasingly had begun to say to her in return? It sounded so tainted from Nadon's lips.

But she calmed herself, or perhaps the spice did, and she again sheathed the dagger away in her belt. "Why didn't you ask if I was in love with him?"

"I suppose it would be a more appropriate question," Nadon considered. "But I don't believe that's possible. Not for people like us."

Although Mara agreed, a part of her had to press the point. "Don't you love your cause?"

"That's different," Nadon's white-tinged gazed locked on her own. "A cause will never demand to come first, it will never ask questions or go through all kinds of trouble trying to find out your secrets."

Mara didn't answer, but looked away, silently contemplating. She had never actually considered the eventuality of Luke discovering her spice use. She supposed she didn't give him enough credit in that regard. But still, she had more faith in her ability to conceal than in his determination and incessant prying.

"It doesn't matter anyway," she said eventually. "He doesn't love me."

"So sure?" Nadon raised an eyebrow at her. "You really should find out, offworlder. Because sooner or later you're going to have to make a choice between him and the spice and I guarantee you he'll put up a fight."

"What we have…" Mara hesitated, reluctant to share anything with Nadon, but the spice had loosened her tongue and well as her mind. "He cares about me, but after a while we'll get bored with each other and move on."

"Sex and spice is a great combination with someone you don't know, and a terrible combination with someone who is a friend." Nadon leaned back against the cell wall. "Self-destruction is necessary for some of us," he continued. "It's our fate, our burdens that lead us to this life. Enjoyable as it is, it is fleeting. If he's not like that, the easiest thing you could do for him is to detach before he does fall for you."

Mara didn't speak any further, and neither did he, and when the haze was finally beginning to wear off, she rose to leave. She knew the after-effects of the high could weaken her resolve not to kill Nadon, and she had decided that it was better to leave him alive. Perhaps for self-preservation, perhaps for something more – perhaps because Luke had filled that emptiness inside of her that needed to cause others pain to heal her own. In any case, she would not take her revenge – not in this way, at least.

"Wait." Nadon's voice stopped her exit, and Mara turned back to face him, one hand on the cell doorframe. "Why didn't you do it?" he asked, the mask of indifference gone. "You had every reason to, every right."

Mara looked back at him contemplatively. His pallid, yellowed skin, eyes rimmed a sickly red, the gaunt bones jutting from his cheeks and collarbone, the tormented suffering eyes.

"Lots of reasons, I suppose," she answered calmly. "But I think mainly because you wanted me to." And without another word she walked out of the cell, leaving Nadon to his fate.


	20. Chapter 19

_ Coruscant_

Luke tried to keep his eyes on the cityscape in front of him and his speeder on track. Unfortunately his gaze kept drifting to the woman beside him in the passenger seat.

"Eyes on the road, Skywalker," Mara goaded him as she shifted in her seat,  
>causing her black, thigh-length dress to rise up over her shapely legs. On<br>purpose, Luke was sure. He surreptitiously shot another glance at the bared  
>flesh before reluctantly turning his concentration back to driving.<p>

"Did I say how beautiful you are looking tonight, Mara?" he asked gently.

"Only about fifteen times," Mara answered mockingly. "Honestly it's getting  
>quite tedious."<p>

"I still think that dress would look so much better discarded on my bedroom  
>floor," Luke grinned, resulting in a half-hearted slap on the arm from his<br>companion. Although Luke was forced to admit to himself the comment had not  
>been completely made in jest. While he had been on Coruscant a few days, Mara<br>had only returned from her business trip that afternoon and had used that brief  
>time to prepare for the celebration they were on their way to attend. Not that<br>Luke didn't appreciate Mara's effort – but he would have preferred to spend  
>that brief time reacquainting himself more fully. But she had remained somewhat<br>aloof ever since her return, although Luke had blamed it on exhaustion and  
>stress from her business endeavours.<p>

Mara had appeared tired when she'd arrived at his apartment, although she had  
>also been fairly jittery. He had inquired as to her state, but she had simply<br>explained how much the trip had worn on her nerves and Luke didn't question her  
>further. She didn't ask the details of his stresses at the Academy, and he did<br>not broach the sacrosanct subject of her business in return. Still, he had  
>hoped that eventually she would confide in him on such matters but for the<br>moment he did not press the issue. There was a small part of him that worried  
>he would scare her off if he confronted her with the depth of their<br>relationship and his feelings for her.

The celebration that night was a start though, he supposed. It was his and  
>Leia's thirtieth birthday – an inferred date they had settled upon, anyway.<br>Leia had insisted on throwing a joint celebration, although he had not been  
>consulted on the particulars, having been at the Academy, but he was certain<br>his sister had organised something memorable and fitting for the occasion. In  
>any case, Luke would be spending the evening with Mara and the other people in<br>his life he loved best.

***********

* * *

><p>"Luke!" Leia embraced him tightly, a gesture he returned enthusiastically.<p>

"Glad to see you made it on time, junior," Han chimed in from Leia's side.

Luke released his sister and clasped hands with his brother-in-law, smiling  
>indulgently.<p>

"Not that we would have held it against you for being late," Han continued,  
>winking suggestively at Mara, who stood at Luke's side.<p>

"You look beautiful, Leia," Luke quickly changed the subject, admiring the  
>silky white gown his sister wore, her shimmering hair for once in loose waves<br>down her back.

"Thank you," Leia beamed, one hand fiddling with the string of pure Alderaanian  
>pearls Luke had given her earlier that day, before shifting her attention to<br>Mara. "I'm so glad you could come, Mara," she said softly, and reached out to  
>embrace the woman at Luke's side.<p>

Mara returned the effort clumsily, but Luke could tell the signal of acceptance  
>touched her deeply. "Happy Birthday, Leia," she said as she pulled back.<p>

Leia smiled bashfully. "It was one of my favourite Alderaanian customs," she  
>replied, eyes shining slightly. "Most planets simply celebrate Naming Day, but<br>Father especially loved the tradition of celebrating one's actual birth."

"It does avoid messy complications," Han chimed in. "I wasn't named until I was  
>five days old; my mother had her heart set on Mari. I'm just glad my father had<br>the sense to talk her out of it. It's a _girl's_  
>name in some languages, you know." He made a disgusted face and Luke tried not<br>to laugh.

"Mara," Leia took her by the hand and tucked her arm inside her own, completely  
>ignoring her husband. "I really must introduce you to my friend Keleste," she<br>told her as she began to lead her away. "She was in the Alliance, but has been thinking of becoming a  
>trader and I'm sure she'd appreciate your advice."<p>

Mara shot Luke a wary look, but he nodded enthusiastically. He could sense  
>Mara's uneasiness but as she walked away with Leia her posture relaxed<br>slightly. Luke couldn't help but grin – he honestly couldn't ask for a more  
>pleasing sight, his sister and the woman he loved chatting freely and amicably.<br>Whatever reservations Leia had felt in the beginning, she had embraced his and  
>Mara's relationship wholeheartedly. It was comforting to know that while Luke<br>had Han to confide in, Mara had a similar sounding board in his sister.

"Now isn't that a pretty picture?" Han grinned, taking in the same sight as  
>Luke.<p>

"It is," Luke agreed.

"Happy Birthday, kid," he continued. "Has my present arrived yet?"

"No," Luke eyed his friend suspiciously. "Should I be worried?"

Han chuckled to himself. "No. Believe me, you'll thank me for this gift." He  
>wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.<p>

Before Luke could reply, the conversation was interrupted by a large crash  
>across the room. Luke turned to see the young Jacen and Jaina, their best party<br>clothes and the floor covered in hors d'oeuvres and matching innocent  
>expressions on their faces.<p>

Han exhaled sharply. "Duty calls," he said, patting Luke on the shoulder and  
>heading towards the messy children.<p>

Luke thought it was best to leave the situation in Han's capable hands. He  
>loved his niece and nephew, but he would hate to think what Mara would do if he<br>spoiled the new tunic she had bought him especially for the occasion. He began  
>to scan the room, looking for one of his friends to engage in conversation. He<br>needn't have worried, for almost immediately he saw another dark-haired  
>Corellian heading towards him.<p>

"Good to see you, Luke," Wedge appeared at his side with a drink in his  
>outstretched hand.<p>

Luke took it with a smile. "Glad you could come, Wedge."

"Wouldn't miss it for all the spice in Kessel," Wedge grinned.

"You could negotiate that with Mara," Luke teased. "I'm sure she'd give you a  
>fair price."<p>

"Or Lando," Wedge played along, taking a large drink from his ale. "Although he  
>hasn't been his usual flamboyant self lately."<p>

"Really?" Luke was intrigued. "It's been a while since I've seen him." He hated  
>to think he'd been neglecting his friend so much that he hadn't noticed a<br>change in his personality. He'd been spending most of his free time with Mara.

"I wouldn't worry about it, Luke," Wedge patted him on the back lightly.  
>"You've had other things on your mind," he added slyly.<p>

Luke had been expecting such comments and managed not to flush. His gaze simply  
>wandered back to Mara, obscenely coloured drink in hand, laughing with Leia and<br>a blond woman he assumed was Leia's friend Keleste.

"We're all so happy for you, Luke," Wedge continued softly. "Both of you."

"Even if I wasn't able to tell you directly?" Luke asked guiltily, turning to  
>face his long-time friend. He had kept his promise to Mara and not revealed to<br>any of his friends the specifics of his relationship with Mara. A few had asked  
>over the past months, and Luke hadn't denied it. He also knew that Leia and Han<br>had been mercilessly hounded for details and Luke had instructed them to be  
>forthcoming. His and Mara's arrival together, while not unusual considering<br>their past friendship, had been an unofficial confirmation of their status.

For that reason, the celebration had been confined to their closest friends and  
>closed to the media. Of course the press were massed outside as they were for<br>any other gold-carpet function, hoping to get holos of people arriving and  
>departing. Luke and Mara had managed to slip through the back entrance unnoticed.<p>

"I understand, Luke," Wedge's answer drew him out of his reverie. "Matters of  
>the heart are best kept private." He cleared his throat and looked down into<br>his amber drink thoughtfully.

"Why do I sense you are speaking from experience?" Luke questioned at his shift  
>of demeanour. Had he missed an important change in Wedge also? "Has something<br>happened…with Iella?" Luke said the name carefully, knowing that it was a  
>sensitive subject with Wedge. The couple had been driven apart by conflicting<br>commitments – Wedge to the Squadron, and Iella to the NRI, but in his absence,  
>Luke wondered if something further had happened between them, or perhaps<br>deteriorated.

"I haven't seen her in months," Wedge replied glumly. "It's not her,  
>specifically, it's just…" he gave a self-deprecating laugh. "I never thought<br>I'd see you settled down before me, Boss." A grin formed on Wedge's face, his  
>previous melancholy apparently forgotten.<p>

Luke laughed. "I don't think you're alone there, my friend. I think CorusBet  
>has 3-1 odds I'll never get married."<p>

"And 2-1 that she'll be a Twi'lek," Wedge added playfully. "Hey," he raised his  
>hands in mock surrender to Luke's sceptical look. "Just because I'm a Corellian<br>doesn't mean I don't check the odds. We just have your brother-in-law to thank  
>for that filthy stereotype."<p>

"Something that pleases him immeasurably, I can tell you," Luke replied, unable  
>to keep his gaze from drifting back across the room, again hunting out the<br>distinctive red hair of his lover, for once styled and pinned against the crown  
>of her head. She had moved from her former position with Leia near the large<br>windows, and Luke scanned the room more carefully. But before he could locate  
>Mara, he caught sight of a suspiciously familiar Bothan lurking among the guests.<br>"Excuse me, Wedge," he said quickly, "I have to take care of something."

"Of course, mingle away!" Wedge took another swig of ale. "I think I need a  
>refill anyway," he said to himself, and wandered off in the direction of the<br>bar.

Luke nodded and immediately walked towards the far corner of the room, focussed  
>on the Bothan intently. He couldn't afford for the creature to slip away. But<br>it appeared he had no intention of escaping Luke's notice, for when he saw Luke  
>approach, a sly smile immediately formed on his face.<p>

"Master Skywalker," he gave a shallow bow.

"Ashk," Luke greeted him stiffly. "What are you doing here? My sister made it  
>very clear to the press that this was a private function."<p>

"You underestimate my ingenuity," the Bothan replied evenly. "Or perhaps my  
>family connections."<p>

"What family?" Luke thought it over for a moment. "Not Fey'lya?" he said  
>eventually, unable to keep from spitting out the name.<p>

Ashk nodded. "He is in fact, my second cousin, on my mother's side."

"But he wasn't even invited." Luke felt his ire rise even further. He had  
>forgotten about the Bothan's determination to expose his and Mara's<p>

relationship. For him to take any holos of them together at his birthday…

"He was able to procure a security pass for me," Ashk said smiling.

"And more than willing for a chance to disgrace either myself or my sister,"  
>Luke added through clenched teeth. Honestly, he didn't care if the entire<br>planet knew about him and Mara, but her emotional state was still uncertain and  
>could waver under the exposure and scrutiny of the entire galaxy. "I just want<br>to celebrate with my family and friends in peace," Luke continued tiredly. "Why  
>can't you understand that?"<p>

"If you wanted anonymity Master Skywalker," Ashk replied, "you should never  
>have become a hero."<p>

"It wasn't exactly my choice," Luke returned with a thin smile.

"Perhaps not, but here we all are, and that's not going to change."

"Well you're wrong about that." Luke caught the attention of a nearby security  
>guard. "We won't be spending any more time together."<p>

Ashk smiled ferally. "I will be around Master Jedi," he said. "Even if you  
>don't see me."<p>

"A problem, Master Skywalker?" The burly security guard asked in a thick accent  
>as he approached.<p>

"We have an uninvited guest," Luke replied, indicating Ashk.

The guard nodded as he took Ashk by the arm. "Come on, mate," his low twang had  
>a hint of danger to it. "I'll see you out."<p>

"Thank you." Luke kept a watchful eye on Ashk as the guard lead him out of the  
>room. He then waited several minutes until the guard returned alone and he was<br>sure Ashk had not slipped back in.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Luke was determined to force the Bothan's  
>unsettling appearance out of his mind and enjoy the party. He scanned the<br>crowded room; Han and Leia were with the twins, now clean, chatting with Winter  
>and Mon Mothma. The Rogues of course, were sequestered near the bar, and Luke<br>saw some of his students and colleagues from the Academy, Leia's friends from  
>the Senate and several other veteran members of the Alliance. He finally located Mara talking<br>animatedly with Lando, and headed over to join them. 


	21. Chapter 20

Mara had never wanted a drink so much in her life. Lando stood before her, extravagantly dressed and with his usual grin adorning his face, although Mara could tell it was as artificial as the faux fur that lined his cape. She took a large sip of her frizzy fruit mocktail, wishing it had a large shot of Corellian brandy in it, or better yet, a pinch of spice.

"Lando," she greeted him, a little more coldly than she'd intended.

"Mara," he returned in a neutral tone, nodding in greeting.

"What are you doing here?" she asked him accusingly.

Lando looked at her as if she had just asked him why he wore a moustache. "Luke's my friend," he answered simply. "Is it so strange to be at a party celebrating his and his sister's birth?"

"Of course." Mara couldn't think of anything else to say and looked away for an escape, praying he'd follow her lead and not mention the last time they had been in the same room together.

"You look different." Lando finally said, narrowing his eyes as he examined her closely.

Mara laughed of his scrutiny nervously, her fingers unwittingly fiddling with the gemstones that dangled from her ears. "I've just been busy," she said dismissively.

"So that assistant of yours said when I tried to comm you. Several times." A note of annoyance crept into his voice.

"Oh?" Mara tried not to sound suspicious. "What else did he tell you?"

"Nothing," Lando answered. "He's surprisingly tight-lipped for a Corellian."

"You know I wouldn't have it any other way." Mara relaxed slightly, although she couldn't shake her nervousness, nor could she stop herself from filling the silence. "He's an enormous help, not that I need it of course. But he's only too willing to do all of the menial paperwork I can't stand. And I've been scouting new trade option, I imagine our profits will sour next year, assuming we can keep up with the demand that is, not to mention -"

"Spending time with Luke," Lando interrupted with a minor note of sadness.

Mara took another large sip of her drink to avoid his gaze. Lando seemed to shake off the melancholy almost immediately, again falling back into his suave persona.

"You know," he continued nonchalantly, "I've never heard you say so much in such a short amount of time. I hope nothing is troubling you…that nothing is weighing on your mind…"

Mara narrowed her eyes. "I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Is this a first?" Lando gasped theatrically. "Has Mara Jade's razor sharp wit failed her?"

"Remind me while I'm still listening to you?"

"I'm not sure, Mara," Lando shot back. "Why are you?"

"Look, Lando -"

"Luke looks happy," Lando continued, gaze travelling to where Luke stood on the other side of the room. "Normally he'd be cowering in the corner at an event like this, but he seems more than content."

"He does," Mara muttered, eyes lingering on the way Luke's hair gleamed blonde in the light as he chatted with Wedge, a brilliant smile across his features.

"Clearly something's made him brighten up," Lando continued casually. "I sure hope it stays that way, and whatever it is that's making him so cheerful doesn't suddenly…fall away from him," he pierced Mara with a hard look. "I'm not sure how Luke would handle that. He's…different from most of us in that way."

"He's anything but delicate," Mara responded stubbornly.

"In battle, sure," Lando nodded. "In the Force, in strategy, in flying, he's infallible. But that's not what I'm talking about."

"You - "

"Luke!" Lando broke into a huge grin and drew Luke into an embrace as he approached, clapping him hard on the back. "How you doing, buddy? Happy 30th!"

"Thanks, Lando," Luke replied as he drew away. "Glad you could make it."

Mara wasn't sure if she should be relieved or worried as Luke wrapped his arms around her and give her cheek a quick peck. She saw Lando's eyes flicker briefly to where Luke's hand rested on her waist and cringed inwardly.

"It's seems so strange, Luke," Lando continued genially, "for you to be here with a date and me without."

"You're not here with anyone?" Luke looked briefly around the room, genuinely surprised.

"As implausible as it sounds," Lando conceded with a grin. "Even the best of us have dry spells."

Luke didn't seem to pick up Lando's brief glance at Mara, and simply chuckled. "I'm sure you'll come out of it," he said, "after all, if someone like me can…" he laughed again and pulled Mara closer.

Lando responded with his own hollow laugh, as Mara remained silent, her heart beating rapidly as she tried to concoct ways to remove herself from the situation, but all of them meant either making Luke suspicious or leaving him alone with Lando, neither of which she wanted. Instead, Lando saved her the trouble.

"Well," he began, examining his empty glass. "Looks like I need a refill." He paused a moment, before giving Luke a warm, genuine smile. "I'm happy for you, Luke," he continued as he shot Mara a warning glance. His gaze returned to Luke and he smiled sadly. "Good luck."

******

* * *

><p>"Are you alright, Mara?" Luke asked as he divested himself of his cloak, throwing it onto the couch of his apartment. "You've seemed a little out of sorts since the party."<p>

Mara took off her shawl and played with the embroidery without answering, sinking onto the couch next to Luke's cloak.

"Was it all the people?" Luke asked. "I know you're not used to standing out in a crowd like that. They meant well." He sat down beside her. "And I'm sure you've heard lewder jokes before." He took Mara's hands away from the shawl's beading and into his own. Mara gave him a weak smile as he stood, and allowed him to pull her to her feet.

In truth she was rattled by Lando's appearance and his veiled warning not to hurt Luke. She tried to ignore the guilt that lined her stomach heavily, instead concentrating on Luke's soft hands skirting over the soft silken material of her lower back. He glanced towards the music system and the soft inviting sounds of the Coruscant Symphony filled the apartment.

Mara didn't resist as Luke drew her closer and began to move slightly with the music. It wasn't long before she was drawn into the dance, the warmth of his body pressed against hers, his arms around her, his hot breath against her ear and neck.

"Mara," he whispered hoarsely. "I love you."

"What?" Mara drew back so forcefully she took a stumbling step backwards and had to catch herself. "What?" She repeated stupidly.

Luke looked confused. "I love you, Mara," he said again, simply.

"No you don't," Mara told him.

Luke smiled indulgently, reaching for her again. "Surely it's obvious." His smile faded, however, when he realised Mara was serious.

Inwardly, Mara was panicking. "What we have Luke, it's wonderful" she said, finding her voice. "Don't ruin it with…"

"With what?" Luke remained calm, but Mara could see he was deeply puzzled. "I can't help how I feel. And you may not love me now, but over time, who knows what might happen, if you let it."

"Luke…" Mara shook her head desperately, pulling out of his grasp once again. "You're asking something of me I can't give."

"I know you think you're not capable of this, Mara," he said softly. "But you just have to take a chance sometimes."

But Mara wasn't listening to him – all she could think about was how much she suddenly needed a hit. Luke was so trusting of her – in love with her, the ultimate proof that she had let it all run too far.

Luke put his arms around her again, but this time his touch scalded her skin. Her heart beat wildly as he whispered platitudes and promises in her ear; that she needn't worry, that they would go as slowly as she liked. All the old promises in the new ways – only now they were playing for keeps. The burden of Luke's trust and belief in her made her feel woozy, his feelings weighing her down, getting in the way of the freedom she wanted. She had to find the one thing that would make him falter, that would push him away.

So as Luke reached down to kiss her, she blurted out; "I slept with Lando."

This stopped Luke cold. "What?"

Mara let that old mask of indifference fall over her expression as she looked directly into Luke's disbelieving eyes. He seemed unable to form a response.

"I told you, Luke, what we have is great," she said coldly. "But it's not love."

Luke continued to stare at her stupidly. "When?" He finally managed to stumble out.

Mara shrugged. "When I went to Kessel after the…the funeral."

"So after we…" Luke looked as if he was about to be sick.

Mara nodded, hating herself for causing him pain, but knowing it was the easiest escape clause. If he truly loved her, he would not stop until he had discovered all of her secrets, and she could not allow that. She had to make a choice.

"Not falling victim to male pride, are you Skywalker?" It was so easy to fall back into old habits and easy taunts. "What would you like to hear? That you were…better?" She gave him a mocking grin.

Luke looked at her as if seeing her for the first time. He turned away, but not before Mara caught his wounded expression.

"You're not even going to explain?" he asked, a notable shake in his voice.

"Why?" Mara shot back. The deceit, the character came back to easily, and a small part of her enjoyed the thrill. She stepped towards him, and ran her hands up Luke's back to the bare skin of his neck. "Come on, Luke," she purred. "This doesn't have to change things. We have fun together, don't we?"

But Luke stiffened under her touch. "Get out," he responded dangerously and Mara could feel their connection through the Force freeze and shatter.

And suddenly the thrill died within her, leaving Mara feel completely empty. She backed away from Luke, attitude and emotions changing once again as regret filled her. She fled the apartment, the cold night air stinging her bare shoulders as the weight of her guilt descended swiftly. She had known how much it would hurt him – and a part of her hadn't cared. But she had cut her ties, she couldn't go back, nor rely on Luke for his support, his comfort, ever again.

There was only one place she could go now.

She'd lied. For months she'd lain in his arms, in his bed, lying to him. That was what hurt Luke the most. His pride had been damaged, his inner animal raging at the fact she had been so intimate with Lando. But if she'd explained the situation to him, told him about it beforehand, he would have understood.  
>At least, he hoped he would have. At the very least he would have known the truth from the start, known what he was getting into.<p>

Hot tears stung his eyes as Luke stood in the middle of his living room, far too numb to move. He went over the events over and over in his mind, replaying everything she'd said and how she'd acted, what had gone wrong. For a part of him just knew that something didn't add up. Once again, she hadn't told him the whole truth.

Damn her. He seethed inwardly, feeling the bile rise in his throat, thinking of all the times she'd looked at him with adoring eyes, had touched him so softly…it had all been false. Anger motivating him to move, and Luke stormed down the hall and into the bathroom, furiously turning on the water in the sink and splashing it onto his face. It had a soothing effect, but not enough.

Luke looked at his reflection in the mirror above the sink, the face of a stupid, trusting farmboy who'd fallen all too easily.

And before Luke realised he'd done anything, the mirror was shattered and his fist was covered in blood. Anger was replaced by a welcoming pain as Luke covered his bleeding knuckles with his other hand to stop the bloodflow. It had been a long time since Luke had let him temper get the best of him, but it had felt so good. Luke shook that thought away instantly, immediately closing his eyes to run through Jedi calming exercises. He couldn't let his anger get the best of him, not even in a situation such as this. He sighed deeply, centring himself, packing away his anger, guilt, doubts and troubles away for later, sober examination.

But as he opened his eyes Luke spotted a small package stuck to the wall, the fallen pieces of glass revealing its hiding place. He heard Artoo rolling towards the bathroom, probably on alert from having heard the mirror smash. But Luke was busy prying away the package from the wall to examine the fine white power it contained…


	22. Chapter 21

Luke stared at the pouch of white powder in his palm disbelievingly. All of the comfortable denials flew through his mind, but he knew what it was. He'd seen it – in the Rebellion, in the slums and dingy bars where he'd worked undercover, when he'd gone with Leia on some of her charity inspections of rehab centres. Spice.

Suddenly all of Mara's erratic behaviour, her mild paranoia, her mood swings made sense to him. Of course the instant rationalisation that jumped to his mind was that just because Mara happened to have spice, didn't mean that she was an addict. She did co-own a spice company after all. But Luke knew he could not hide in that comfortable lie – not after the things she had said to him that night.

The spice he held in his hand was not the milder, diluted form that Mara's company packaged and sold – enough to give the user a buzz but not enough to cause them harm. No, it had the appearance of the spice he had seen ingested, injected and snorted by beings who had sold their soul for their next, pure hit. And Mara in the past months had shown all of the signs of becoming like them, Luke just hadn't seen it. Hadn't _wanted_ to see it, he realised.

Anger burned within him again, the ache in his heart turning into a hot fury. All of the hows and whys ran through his mind; how he had let her do this to him? Turning on his heel, Luke swept past Artoo who had been waiting and watching silently in the 'fresher doorway. He didn't need to hear the I-told-you-so's from the little droid. He needed to hurt something, break something, to mirror his pain on the inside in his apartment, in the space Mara had shared with him for months.

But he stopped himself, instead falling down onto his living room couch, strangely exhausted. He took several minutes to calm himself once again. He couldn't let any of the darkness bleed into his consciousness - that was the first step on the path to ruin. And she wasn't worth turning to the Dark Side for, a small, callous voice spoke up from inside.

When Luke found his peace, other, more rational thoughts began to enter his mind. Mara was in danger, he realised. She had left, probably even more determined to shut out reality. She had lied to him, surely, had hurt him – but had he simply been blind to her pain? He had been so willing to accept her intimately into his life, when he knew she was still raw from Karrde's death. Should he have figured it out earlier?

In any case, he still cared about her – so much that reliving every exquisite moment over the past few months tore up his insides. As much as he hated her at the moment – he still loved her, and couldn't allow her to continue down such a destructive path. But he had to be careful; Luke decided as he rose and walked to his room, changing into more appropriate clothing. He couldn't let her hurt him again, couldn't open himself up to the pain of deceit. He would help her recover – but only as he would any other friend or acquaintance who he found in the same situation.

Luke shut off his emotional self, all of his feelings for Mara, pushing them deep down inside to that guarded place where he kept his deepest secrets. He would help her, he vowed, but never again let her into his heart. 

* * *

><p>Luke had never been so far underground, in the belly of Coruscant; where even the neon city lights did not penetrate the gloom. This district was the home of the spice houses, the impoverished junkies and their unscrupulous dealers. He'd been offered at least thirty different intoxicants as he walked the grimy passages, but he was single-minded. Calm. Unwilling to panic, to think the worst.<p>

He had tracked Mara's Force presence, and even though he had broken their mental bond, he was still able to seek out her light in the Force, although he noted it was dimming quickly, and Luke hastened his step.

The grotto was even darker than the streets outside, perfumed smoke billowing from low table, where patrons sat on dirty cushions, heads down on the tables. The stench to the unwashed was even worse inside, and no one even seemed to notice his presence, all too wrapped up in their own affairs. There was no pretence of gambling, or other legal pursuits, for the patrons were there for one reason only. Luke did notice a bar in the back corner, where a Drackmarian sat leaning against a wall, seemingly fast asleep, drawing even breaths from his methane helmet.

Luke finally located Mara nearby, slumped over a table alone. He rushed over and realised that she was not taking a hit, but in fact unconscious. Luke reached down and shook her violently. "Mara!" he shouted, patting her cheeks in an attempt to wake her up. Her eyes rolled back as he pulled her into his arms, but she did not respond, her jaw slack and her pulse dangerously low.

"Call for help!" he spat at the Drackmonian, who had apparently woken up and was eying Luke curiously.

"Not possible," he hissed lowly, shugging his reptilian shoulders.

"But she's dying," Luke pleaded, all attempts at apathy forgotten.

"Not our problem," the Drackmarian replied.

Luke quelled the urge to forcefully remove his methane helmet and instead scopped Mara into his arms and ran out of the den as soon as he could. He could feel Mara's strength in the Force fading as her life diminished, and Luke quickened his step, praying he could make it to the nearest medcentre in time.

* * *

><p>Mara felt as if she were floating through a white, translucent mist, her extremities feeling light and weightless. It was such a beautiful sensation, the cool mist caressing her face and carrying her forward into bliss.<p>

_Mara!_

She heard a voice calling her, and a tug on her leg, pulling her down in the air slightly. She tried to shake the weight off but it became heavier. It would be so much easier, just to float away, far from those voices which called to her, trying to make her come back down.

But she didn't want to. She couldn't face Luke, not after what she'd done – after she'd debased him and all the trust he had put in her. She wanted oblivion, and end to all of the pain. It was what she'd been longing for, all of these months. She had thought Luke could give it to her, but she knew that her only hope of peace lay in the mist around her.

More voices invaded her senses, but they sounded distant, separate from herself. A harsh voice giving mumurred orders, snatches of conversation...

_We'll have to pump her stomach_

Mara struggled aginst the pressure, trying to block the sounds out.

_Is she going to be okay?_

Luke's voice. Raw and strained.

_Get him out of here!_

The hold on Mara's ankle became tighter, as if an invisible hand was squeezing it, determined to pull her down or crush her bones.

_Mara…_

A deep, familiar voice cut through the mist, louder and far more clearly than the the others. A kind, comforting voice she thought she'd never hear again…

_You have to go back. _

_But I don't want to_, she said, looking around her, trying to locate the voice but there was nothing but mist. _It's too hard. _

_When was anything ever too hard for you? When have you ever given up?_

Mara shook her head. _It's different now. _

_How? _She could almost hear the sardonic smile in the expression. _You've done it before. You can do it again. _

_I don't want to_, she repeated. Luke would be better off without her, she knew – it would be better for both of them this way. And she was tired – so tired… _I can't_, she called into the mist.

_Tough._

It was the last thing she heard before darkness enveloped her again.

* * *

><p>Mara felt as if her eyes were sealed shut by duracrete as she struggled towards consciousness, and fought against the heavy weight. The bright white lights blinded her instantly and she wanted to block it out, to sink back into the welcoming darkness, but Mara steeled herself and waited for her eyes to adjust.<p>

The stark, white room slowly came into focus, and the first thing she noticed was the machine whirring softly beside her bed. She wriggled her fingers painfully, and saw that a drip had been injected into the back of her hand. Trees wavered softly in the wind outside her window; it was daytime. She took a deep breath, to try and inhale the fresh air, but found that she could not draw enough in, the air tasted too cold, too thin. Her hand flew up to her mouth, and encountered hard plastic. She tried to pull it off, but it was attached, somehow, creating a suction around her mouth and nose.

"I wouldn't do that," a soft voice spoke from across the room. Mara looked up, and noticed Luke slouched in a chair near the door, as far away from her bed as possible, she noticed. He looked haggard, his face impassive, but Luke couldn't hide his red-rimmed, tired eyes. "I'll get the doctor," he said as he stood and walked from the room without another glance.

Mara's heart stung from the coldness of his demeanor, although a large part of her said that she deserved it. She couldn't expect Luke's seemingly infinate compassion to stretch so far, not when she had wounded him so deeply. And she was still so tired, drifting back into a light doze for several minutes until the doctor returned with Luke; a tall, humanoid creature with pale blue skin. He pressed a small attachment on the contraption over her mouth and the suction faded, allowing him to pull it off easilly. Mara took a deep breath of fresh air, but started coughing violently. The doctor eased her back against the sheets of her bed, allowing the fit to subside.

"You'll still feel a bit tender, my dear," he said pleasantly. "I would start off easilly, until your body adjusts."

Mara closed her eyes, the pain in her throat superseeding the pain in her stomach and limbs.

"You did prove a bit of a challenge for us," the doctor continued, smiling kindly. "That poison was in your stomach as well as your bloodstream. But you should be fine in a few days."

Mara remembered the spice she'd taken – bought from a dodgy dealer in the grotto she'd gone to, dirty spice, laced with alcohol and other intoxicants. They must not have mixed well – and then there was the sheer quantity she'd taken. Mara shuddered at the thought of it all. When had she become so reckless, to have so little disregard for her own life?

Mara looked up and realised the doctor was still looking at her intently. "Thank you," she managed to croak out.

He chuckled softly in return. "No need to thank me, my dear. Seeing you alive is all the thanks I need." His expression suddenly became stern. "Now I trust I won't have to find you in such a dangerous situation again?"

Mara was stuck – already she could feel the burn, the itch for another hit. But she had been so close to death – and she didn't want that, either. Finally, she nodded, and the doctor smiled again in return.

"You get your rest," he said. "And I'll be back to check on your periodically."

A sudden fear gripped her. This was a community medcentre, and anyone could walk past and see her hear, read her chart and exactly why she was there… "What about…my condition?" she asked him. "The public scrutiny…"

"No need to worry about that," the doctor replied, patting her hand. "According to your chart, you had an extreme case of food poisioning." He shot a meaningful look at Luke, who stood silently at the foot of her bed.

"Thank you, Maniing," Luke said, nodding his head.

Maniing patted Mara's hand again and left the room, leaving Luke and Mara in a stifling silence. Eventually Luke returned to his chair by the door and sat down, looking at her intently. Mara looked away, her eyes brimming with hot, unfamiliar tears.

"I think Mara," Luke began coldly, "that now would be a perfect time for an explanation."

Mara sat there dumly, staring at the rythmic rise and fall of her heartbeat represented on the monitoring machine beside her.

"I know it's not fair to expect answers from you while you're still…sick," Luke continued. "But dammit, Mara, you haven't been fair to me at all."

"I know," Mara whispered meekly, feeling so unlike herself. Usually her hackles would have been raised at his sharp tone and she would have wanted to strike back – but she not longer felt pained, only strangely empty.

"Why did you do it?" Luke's tone softened, and bared an undercurrent of hurt. "Why didn't you confide in me? I could have helped you…but you didn't want help, did you?" Luke seemed to have reached an understanding of the situation. "You wanted to remain in that blissful stupour – to shut out the world. That's what you were trying to do with the spice. And what you were trying to do with me." He shook his head and slumped back into his chair, defeated.

"I'm sorry," Mara mumbled.

"No, you're not," Luke was suddenly angry again. He stood and advanced on her, his hand reaching forward to grip the bedpost, to stop himself. "You regret getting caught, but as soon as you leave this hospital you're going to go straight back to it, never mind your promises to Maniing. I know what promises mean from you," he added bitterly.

Mara didn't know what to say. She kept avoiding his gaze, his scrutiny, because she knew he was right. She would go back to it because a part of her still believed she had done nothing wrong.

"I want to help you, Mara." Luke's anger turned to exasperation. "But I can't trust you. Not when you can't accept you've got a problem, and are unwilling to take steps to correct it."

Mara realised that she did want his help, and even more, _needed_ it. "I don't know what to say," she began. "I don't know what to tell you - "

"I need to know whether you want to live, because I don't know!" He exploded, his face flushed, his tone hard. He sighed deeply and turned away, composing himself.

But Mara had caught the look of caring in his face – the love was still there, even if he did not admit it. She could exploit it, work her way back into his graces, use his compassion to get back to that life she knew…but Mara found she no longer wanted to. While she longed for the peace of the spice, it was the return to normalcy, to a controlled life, that she truly craved. Spice couldn't be the answer, not when it had caused more problems than it had solved.

"I want to live," she said finally, softly. "And I need your help." They were words so unlike her, so strange and unfamiliar, to be admitting weakness. But she had had one man reaching out to her in the hour of need before, and it had gotten better. He had helped.

"Okay," Luke said softly, turning back to her, his face soft and gentle once again. Hopeful, like he had always been. He reached forward, as if to take her hand that lay on the bedspread, but stopped himself and withdrew to a safe distance. "Okay," he repeated, as if to himself.


	23. Chapter 22

Fire was burning up her insides, scalding her veins, crawling up through her spine and into her brain – endless signals of hunger and need. Mara writhed on the bed, sharp nails tearing at the skin of her forearms, trying to get to her bloodstream, to allow the night air to cool it down. She didn't even stop to consider the ridiculousness of the notion, she just wanted the pain to stop, would do anything to make it stop.

She flung herself towards the door, trying the latch once again, but it wouldn't budge, not even with all of her strength. She backed away, and stumbled over her feet, falling, sobbing to the floor. She needed a hit so badly. Luke had brought her back to his apartment earlier that day, and had locked her in his bedroom, the only place he knew he could keep her from escaping. He'd even locked the window, leaving a thin opening at the top, above her reach, to let the air in. She felt caged. Cornered. Helpless.

The door of the bedroom slid open smoothly and Mara heard soft footsteps across the floor. She didn't bother raising her head. "Why are you doing this to me?" she asked, all too aware of how pathetic it sounded. But she was beyond shame, beyond any care for her vaulted self-control.

Luke knelt down next to her and prodded her arm without answering. Mara looked up first at his face, which was impassive, and then at the proffered water in his hand.

"You're killing me," she rasped. It was if he had taken the very oxygen from the air, what she knew she needed to survive.

"I know it feels like that now," he said calmly. "But it's for the best."

"You have no idea what this feels like." She violently knocked the water out of his hands and it spilled onto the floor. Luke calmly stood up and walked it the adjourning refresher and returned almost immediately with a towel. Kneeling back down, he began to soak up the liquid out of the carpet.

"You think I don't know what it feels like?" he asked, eyes intent on the floor. "I've known the dark side, Mara, felt it pull at me, promise anything, eternal, endless bliss if I just give in. There is nothing more powerful, or harder to resist." He looked up, and his eyes were deep and intent. "I know what it feels like." He blinked and his gaze became lidded, devoid of emotion once again. "I'll get you some more water. And you'll drink it." It was not a suggestion.

Mara threw her head back against the bed in frustration, his words glossing over her needy mind. "At least take away the ysalamiri."

She didn't know where Luke had procured the creatures, especially so quickly, but the damn beasts filled the apartment, blocking her off from the Force, her last haven of detachment.

"You know I can't," he replied simply.

"What difference does it make?"

"I can't let you use the Force as a crutch," Luke explained. "You can't use it to escape any more." He stood and walked from the room, the door closing with finality.

Mara lay down on the floor, hugged her knees to her chest, and sobbed pathetically. The enormous hunger rose within her again, biting her insides, demanding satisfaction – urging her to do anything to get it.

* * *

><p>It was in the early hours of the morning when Luke placed a comm call to the Alliqua District Medcentre.<p>

"Dr Maniing," Luke greeted the kindly blue face that appeared on the holoscreen. "I hope I'm not disturbing you."

"Not at all, Master Skywalker," he replied. "This time of my shift is thankfully quiet. How is the patient?" His mouth quirked as he spoke. He had not approved of Luke taking Mara back to his apartment, thinking she would have done better in a treatment centre. But Luke knew Mara would never have allowed strangers to help her, to see her at her most low. He was certain he had made the right choice.

"It has been difficult," Luke admitted. "I just can't seem to get through to her."

"She doesn't want to accept anything from you," Maniing advised him. "She is certain that she is in the right, especially now that the withdrawal is taking its toll. If you would reconsider a treatment centre-"

"No," Luke cut in immediately. He knew there was less chance of Mara opening up to a doctor or counsellor. She would scorn the whole process. At least with Luke, she knew he had already seen her at the very worst.

"You realise of course, Master Skywalker, that it isn't your decision," the doctor continued. "Mara can't be forced into making the choice."

"It has to be mine for now," Luke replied firmly.

Maniing frowned disapprovingly. "Just don't let your personal feelings cloud your judgement," he said. "The harder it gets for Miss Jade, the more devious she will get. She will do anything for a hit. Persuasion, bargaining, threats…_anything_."

Before Luke could reply, a ferocious scream cut through the air. "Thanks doctor." Luke hurriedly shut off the comm and raced towards his bedroom. He punched in his lock code and stepped inside, confused when his frantic gaze could not locate Mara. Before he could look further, Luke felt a blow to the back of his head that sent him sprawling to the floor.

He grabbed Mara's ankle as she tried to run past him through the doorway, pulling her back into the room. She lost her balance and toppled over him. He let go of her ankle to try and grab her arms and pin her down, but she took the freedom and kicked him sharply in the shin. He ignored the pain and rolled over, grabbing her flailing legs and pinning her down with his weight. Without the Force they were both fairly evenly matched in hand-to-hand combat, but Mara was desperate, and wasn't afraid of hurting him. A well-placed punch to his chin sent him reeling and Mara scrambled to her feet.

Luke followed quickly and grabbed her around her waist, pulling her against him in a vice grip. She struggled against him, but he was stronger, and was determined not to let go. Her talon-like nails scratched at his arms, leaving dark red gashes but he held firm. He could treat his wounds later, but if he let Mara go, there was no way he could save her. And yet an inner voice asked if he should even bother. He had expected it to be difficult, but he had never expected such brutality, for her to actually hurt him, however minor the injuries.

"Let me go!" she screeched, and ranted at him with some choice words he had only heard smugglers use.

"What are you going to do Mara?" he asked, struggling to keep her in his hold. "Are you going to knock me out? What if that doesn't work – what would you do then? Try to kill me?"

A part of him was worried to hear her answer. But he released his grip, and turned her around so that they were facing each other. "Go on," he said, knowing he was playing a dangerous game, one that could backfire severely. "I know you can do it without a weapon." She stopped struggling and Luke felt her eyes on his neck, at his pulse point. "What are you waiting for?" he asked.

Mara stepped back, and her hand went to cover her mouth. She made no move for the door. She looked at him for what seemed like an eternity, and Luke knew it was a deciding moment. Luke breathed evenly and opened out his palms, silently asking her again what she was waiting for.

Suddenly Mara's face contorted and she pushed past him, towards the window on the far side on the room in a flash. She reached for the bucket beside the bed and vomited into it violently. Luke immediately went to her side and rubbed her back gently through the spasms, but she pushed him away. He watched her tensed shoulders until long after she emptied the contents of her stomach, although her body still caused her to retch.

When she was finally finished Mara curled up weakly onto the floor and began to cry. Luke tried again to comfort her and she didn't have the strength to push him away. He held her softly as she sobbed and muttered intelligible words, seemingly unable to express the utter pain and hopelessness she felt.

It continued that was throughout the remains of the night. Mara didn't sleep, so neither did Luke. Occasionally she regained the strength to fight him, to try and escape, to scream at his heartlessness. But he brought her water to drink, wiped the sweat from her face and arms, soothed her when she became sick, all without another word.

Eventually sleep overtook Mara as dawn broke, and Luke gratefully put her to bed and cleaned up the mess in the room. He knew it was only the first step, and that Mara still had an extremely long and difficult way to go, but she had made it through the first night. That achievement, however small, meant something enormous to Luke.

It gave him hope.

* * *

><p>"Is she still in there?" Leia cast a murderous look towards Luke's bedroom door. Somehow she managed to exude contempt, even while sitting with perfect posture at Luke's kitchen table with a cup of caf in her delicate fingers.<p>

"Leia, please." Luke ran a hand over his tired eyes. "Your disapproval is the last thing I need right now."

"Luke, I'm going to disapprove no matter what." She sighed and put her cup down. "But I don't like to see you upset, so I suppose I can...condemn silently." The beginnings of a smile found its way to the edges of her mouth, but she clamped down on the emotion. Obviously she could see that Luke was not in a joking mood.

"I made a commitment, Leia," he tried to explain. "I can't just abandon someone who needs me."

"This isn't just anyone, Luke." Leia reached out across the table to take one of his hands in hers. "Do you still love her?"

"I'm just focussing on getting her well again," Luke hurriedly changed the subject. "That's all."

"And how long will that take?" Leia questioned.

"Well," Luke shifted in his seat, "it's already been a week, and she's improved dramatically."

"Luke!" Leia scoffed. "A week? It could take months, or years! You don't have the kind of experience about this sort of thing, she needs professional help."

"I know her," Luke insisted. "I know she can do this. She _wants_ to."

"She's been lying to you from the beginning." Leia reminded him gently, squeezing his hand. "How do you know she's still not fooling you, and herself?"

"I just know, Leia," he replied quietly. "My eyes are open, now."

"Nevertheless," Leia released her grip on him, pulling back into professionalism. "I'm not sure keeping her locked up in your bedroom is the best course of action."

"I don't have her chained to the bed, Leia." A creep of annoyance founds its way into his voice.

Leia snorted unceremoniously into her caf. She put the cup down again deliberately, and managed to look back at Luke with dignity. "I just can't help but think being in there would remind the both of you of..." Leia cleared her throat, clearly unwilling to finish her sentence and perhaps wishing she'd sent Han to talk to Luke instead.

"It will do for now." Luke replied, easing her of the need to vocalise her concerns. "There's nothing in there that can hurt her."

* * *

><p><em>"Mara..."<em>

It was a ghost of a voice, barely a whisper on the edges of her consciousness.

Mara's eyes opened in the darkened room. The air was thick – stuffy from a lack of fresh outside breeze. She would have to ask Luke to open the window. That thought stopped her – _ask Luke_ – what had she become, begging him for a crack of air? She should break the glass, if that's what she needed to do. But the past week of suffering, of denying her violent,  
>needy urges, had taught her a measure of control. Re-taught her, really. Because she had been through the same process before.<p>

_"Mara..."_

That voice again. Mara shifted in the bed, untwisting the sheets from her legs and raised herself into a sitting position. She could see well enough through the darkness, and there was no one there.

_"I'm here, Mara."_

She knew that voice. She had heard it through her first withdrawal, years ago. It was the same voice that had talked her through the long nights, had spoken of his own experiences and difficulties. It was the voice that had forced her back to life, in that white place after she had overdosed.

"Talon?" she asked into the air. "Is that you?" Mara felt tears well up in her eyes but she violently blinked them back. It was simply another hallucination, another trick of her stimulant-deprived mind. That was what her rational brain was telling her – but she couldn't help but reach out and cling to that shred of hope. To believe that a part – any part – of Talon was still with her. She needed him, now more than ever before. "Talon?" she called again, her eyes searching the darkness.

_"Who else would it be?"_ His rich voice filled her mind, with that slight edge she knew so well. _"You need me, so I'm here."_

"You're not real," Mara said, massaging her temples as if it would restore her sanity.

_"That's all relative, isn't it?"_ Talon answered. _"But if you want me to go..."_

"No," Mara whispered, almost desperately. "I, I need..." She remembered a hundred nights he had spent at her side, talking to her until she had fallen asleep, soothed by the sound of his voice as he spoke of ordinary, everyday things. Ship maintenance, crew orders – making her forget about the hunger that burned in her veins. He had never judged her, but had never been soft on her either, challenging her every step of the way. She could never lose his love, as she had lost...

Luke didn't trust her. He never could again, she understood that. He couldn't help either; he simply couldn't understand. But Talon, her uncomplicated, uncritical friend...

Hot tears burned her eyes, and this time she allowed them to spill down her cheeks. She wasn't sure what she needed.

* * *

><p>Leia walked quickly down the hallway from Luke's apartment, her heart a little lighter after her talk with her brother. She had no doubt he could handle the situation – he had, after all, seen many people who had suffered a lot worse than Mara with addiction. The only problem was, he had never been as emotionally close to them. But to doubt his abilities was to doubt her own brother, and she could not allow herself to do that. No, she had to support him, but keep her distance and allow things to run their course.<p>

And maybe send Han to check up on him a few times a week.

Leia was so intent on her thoughts she didn't even notice the figure that appeared around the corner, until she ran directly into him. She stumbled a few feet back, reaching out to steady herself on the wall.

"Oh, I am so sorry, Madame," the figure was at her side in an instant. Leia looked up to see a very concerned-looking Bothan. "Are you alright?"

"Fine," Leia straightened herself up and tried to look as if she hadn't just had the wind knocked out of her, and more like a Senate Chief should. "I'm fine."

"Were you visiting Master Skywalker?" The Bothan asked, looking down towards Luke's door.

"Yes," Leia answered cautiously, sensing that despite the creature's pleasant expression, he was not someone to be trusted. "Do you know my brother?"

"We've met," the Bothan smiled. "And I've...admired him from afar," he continued, his smile becoming a smirk.

"Yes, well," Leia shifted uneasily. "I really must be going."

"Of course," he replied, stepping aside so she could pass. "I do hope we'll get the chance to meet again." He grinned, showing a row of perfectly pointed teeth.

"Yes," she repeated, and walked away as quickly as she could.

* * *

><p>"Mara?" Luke called as he entered the bedroom. The room was dark, and empty, and he couldn't see her form anywhere.<p>

"I'm over here." He heard her soft voice from the window. Despite the tightly closed windows, the room had grown chilly as the evening had fallen. He hadn't realised just how long Leia had stayed.

Mara stood gazing out the window, her fingertips touching the transparisteel. He also noticed the gooseflesh that had appeared on her bare arms, as she wore simply sleep pants and thin tunic. "Mara, you must be cold."

"I am," she whispered.

"Mara." He put a hand on her shoulder, a little concerned about how chilled her skin was. "Talk to me."

She turned to look at him, a blank look in her eyes. "You wouldn't understand," she said simply.

"I can, Mara," he insisted, putting his other hand on her shoulder and turning her gently to face him. "I can help."

A hopeful smile crept onto Mara's face, and Luke felt as if he had finally broken through to her. When she leant forward and brushed her lips to his, Luke responded without thinking. She wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss eagerly, almost frantically. With her body pressed against his intimately, Luke couldn't help but lose himself in the moment. Her taste was so familiar, a reminder of all the blissful nights they had spent together, of how contended his life with her had been.

But it had been a lie. Luke pulled away abruptly, disentangling himself from Mara's grasping hands. "No, Mara," He said shakily, wiping his mouth, trying to erase the imprint of her lips.

"You said you'd help," she said, her eyes pleading with him.

"I said I'd _listen_," he corrected her.

Mara drew close to him again, her hands coming to rest on his chest.

"I need this, Luke," she said, kissing him again. "I need _you_."

Luke pulled away again, more forcefully this time. "Mara, no," he said firmly. "This won't help." He couldn't let her swap one addiction for another.

Mara swiftly turned back to the window, hiding her face from him. "Go away then," she said stiffly, the break in her voice betraying her deep hurt.

Luke almost went to her, almost took her in his arms to let her know that it was going to be okay, that he didn't want to reject her. But comforting her, being close to her – he wasn't sure he would have the strength to resist should she try again. Instead he signed deeply, unsure of how to react. In the end he didn't say anything, simply turned around and walked slowly out the door.

* * *

><p>Mara pressed her hands against the window, wanting to smash the transparisteel, to feel the glass rip through her skin. Talon had been right. Luke couldn't help her, not in the way that she needed, and he couldn't understand how to help her, not in the way Karrde had.<p>

"You see?" Talon's voice re-appeared in within her mind.

"You were right," she answered. Talon was the only one that could help her – the only one that she could trust.


	24. Chapter 23

The door slid shut quietly behind Luke. Mara knew that she was hurting him a great deal by ignoring him, but she just didn't have the urge to talk. Not anymore. Most of the cravings had gone, the blindingly intense ones at least, but Mara had been hit by a deep depression in their absence. She didn't want to eat, or talk – she couldn't even slip into sleep. All she could do was lay in the bed and brood. And of course, talk to Talon. She could listen to him when Luke's voice grated on her, needed him in the room when she told Luke she wanted to be left alone. He told her that she was doing the right thing – that he was the only one she could trust. And she believed him.

Luke had been pestering her again, asking her to come and eat something, to get out of bed. But Talon's voice had been in her ear, telling her she needed to rest. She just couldn't seem to summon the strength to get up. Or eat. Do anything but fantasise about spice. The craving, burning need had lessened somewhat but she still wanted it – it was the only thing that would be worth getting out of bed for.

Mara heard the door slide open again. "Go _away_," she said, her voice cracking slightly from disuse.

But there was no answer, just the sound on old wheels rolling across the floor. Mara raised her head slightly and saw the domed head of an astral droid. She sighed and threw her head back against the pillow. Luke must have had someone bring the damned thing back – she had almost forgotten Luke had sent it away while she had been...ill.

Artoo warbled and squawked. [I don't take orders from you.]

Earlier that day Mara had been thankful that Luke had taken the ysalamiri away as an incentive. Now she was cursing her ability to sense Artoo's intentions through the Force.

Mara rolled over and tried to ignore the little droid, although she heard him roll over to the side of the bed. However after a few moments Mara felt a painful shock go through her ankle as Artoo zapped her. "Ow!" she cried out, unconsciously jerking herself upright. "What was that for you little..." Mara tried to find a fitting insult as she rubbed the skin of her ankle, which was already starting to turn red.

[There's a lot more where that came from.] Artoo 'said.' [Master Luke may not have the heart to do what is necessary but don't think I won't.]

"And what is necessary?" Mara humoured him.

A spark of energy shot out of Artoo's extended arm and hit Mara again, this time hitting her in the shin. "Ahh" Mara called in pain as she tucked her legs under her body, out of the droid's reach. "Stop that!"

[But this is the only thing you understand.] Artoo insisted, his whistles and beeps becoming more high-pitched and agitated.

"You're not making any sense bolt boy," Mara looked around for an instrument she could throw at the mechanical meddler. However the room had been completely cleaned out of anything remotely dangerous. There was a paperweight on Luke's nightstand, which had potential, but she was fairly sure the droid could avoid an object like that.

Artoo retracted his mechanical arm back into its compartment. [Don't hurt Master Luke.] he warned her as he rolled away. [I know where you live.]

Mara huffed in annoyance as she rubbed her sore leg. The droid did have a point, she conceded. She'd spent far too long lying around, doing nothing, wallowing in her own pains and dragging Luke down with her. For the first time, she considered how hard it must have been for him to take care of her, to take her burdens upon himself and yet still allow her to face them for herself.

After many long minutes, she found the energy to get out of bed and begin the long walk to the door.

* * *

><p>Luke wearily stirred his stim-tea until long after the mixture had formed. He felt as if he hadn't slept in a year. If he was honest with himself it wasn't that far from the truth – his couch, while aesthetically pleasing (or so Leia had assured him) was not overly comfortable. In addition he had spent most of his nights up with Mara, or worrying about her. The past few weeks had been hard on him, he couldn't deny it – Mara's withdrawal was draining him as well. Sometimes she screamed through the night, her internal pain and struggle just too much for her to bear. She would strike out at invisible phantoms, and recently he overheard her talking to herself – or some figment of her mind.<p>

Luke sighed and took a long sip of stim tea. He had promised himself that he would be there for Mara as long as it took, but he just hadn't anticipated the negative effect it would have on him.

"You sharing, Skywalker?" a soft voice called from behind him, and Luke whipped around to see Mara in the doorway. He hadn't even sensed her come in.

Mara looked pointedly to the teapot that rested on the table. "Uh, sure," he said, unsure of whether to be relieved or worried that Mara had gotten herself out of bed. He rose to fetch another cup from the cupboard. "You take sucra, right?" he asked, taking the jar out as well.

"Well, I would," Mara said uneasily as she sat down at the table. "But that's not sucra."

Luke stared at her blankly for a few moments before the reality dawned on him. He put the sucra jar down forcefully and opened the lid. He scooped some powder out with his finger before tentatively touching it to his tongue. She was right – it wasn't sucra, but had a strong, faintly bitter taste. He turned back to Mara, who was looking down at her hands and biting her lip intently.

"I thought I'd found all of your hiding places," Luke said calmly, although inside he was seething. It was such an innocent betrayal of his trust, but that made it worse, somehow. He tipped the powder out into the sink and turned on the tap, watching it run down the drain. He violently washed it off his hands, wanting to cleanse them off the taint. He rinsed out the now empty jar and put it down on the counter, before turning back to face Mara, his mouth set in a firm line.

Mara was still looking down, but now a shaking hand was pressed to her mouth. Luke felt some of his anger evaporate and returned to his seat at the table. He put the cup down on the table and poured her some tea, waiting for anxiety to pass. When it didn't, Luke gently grasped her hand in his and drew it away from her mouth. Mara's eyes darted to his fingers where the spice had been and unconsciously licked her lips, before clamping her mouth shut again, so hard that the teeth that had sunk into her lip must have drawn blood.

"Is that all of it, Mara?" He asked gently.

She finally looked at him, eyes blinking rapidly. But she nodded very slowly, and he believed her.

The door chimed, breaking the moment as Mara transferred her gaze towards her tea, concentrating on taking a sip. Luke reluctantly got up and headed toward the front door. However it was had better have a good reason for interrupting just when he was starting to make progress with Mara.

"Hi Han," Luke greeted his friend as the front door slip open. "Come on in," he said as Han swept past him into the apartment.

"Hey kid," Han said, walking into the living room. "Still got Mara chained to the bed?" He looked around, almost nervously.

"Han, you know -"

"Yeah, yeah." Han seemed agitated. "I know. But where is she?"

"In the kitchen," Luke said, confused by his brother-in-law's behaviour. "Why?"

"I've come to warn you, Luke," Han said. "Don't let her turn on the HoloNet, look at the latest news datasheets, nothing."

"Why?" Luke asked again, although he had a feeling he already knew.

Han looked towards the passage that lead to the kitchen, making sure Mara was out of earshot. "See for yourself." He switched on the HoloNet, but turned down the volume.

The holo illuminated, revealing a Duro news anchor reading the mid-morning report. "Holos have surfaced of former Imperial and current trader Mara Jade frequenting a lower-level Coruscanti spice den."

"Oh, no," Luke sank into the couch as images of Mara flashed onto the screen, first of her purchasing spice from the counter of the establishment, then of her drawing her lines of the fine powder, and finally of her slumped over the low table, passed out.

"That Bothan..." Luke clenched his fists but couldn't tear his eyes away from the screen. It was strange because he had seen the ravages of Mara's addiction, that every event in real life yet somehow seeing the holos on screen, knowing that all of Coruscant would be seeing Mara in that state, made it all the more horrendous.

"Leia said she ran into a suspicious-looking Bothan after leaving your place the other day," Han said. "Her Jedi instincts picked up on something and she told me about it. I knew it probably wasn't a coincidence, knowing your luck, and tried to get to chase him down. I would have told you, but you've already had so much to worry about, I thought it best to handle it myself. I finally got some intel on him this morning, but it was too late. I'm sorry, Luke." Han sounded genuinely saddened, even a little angry at himself for not being able to fix the problem.

"...leader of the Jedi Order Luke Skywalker," the Duro continued, drawing Luke's attention back to the holoscreen. Oh _no_. Holos of himself carrying Mara out of the club were shown, and Luke buried his head in his hands. "But this was no gallant rescue by the galaxy's favourite hero." The report kept getting worse and worse. "Our sources show that Master Skywalker is intimately involved with the trader, and has been for some time." Holos were then shown of the two of them together – from months ago, before his birthday. They were on his balcony, embracing, sharing a sweet kiss. Luke felt violated, made worse by the fact that although he knew the holos predated Mara's breakdown, the galaxy would think he was still carrying on a relationship with Mara through her detox.

"You know, Luke, I still know a few people," Han cut in. "I could make sure that Bothan gets what's coming to him." There was no jest in his brother-in-law's voice – he was deadly serious.

"Thank you Han," Luke replied. "But no, I'll..." He was distracted by the anchor's next, damning words.

"We have to ask ourselves," the Duro's tone turned disapproving. "Why has Master Skywalker kept his relationship a secret from the galaxy, and can we trust the judgment of a man who would be so easily corrupted by this..._addict_?"

"How indeed?" A soft voice sounded from behind them and Luke whipped around, to see Mara standing in the doorway, an inscrutable expression on her face.

He stood, stretching out his hand to her. "Mara..."

Mara shook her head, backing away from his reach.

"We'll get through this," he said.

"We?" Mara looked up at him angrily. "Look what _we've_ already done for me." She gestured towards the screen. Her expression crumpled and she pressed a palm to her mouth, but that could not stifle the cry of despair that escaped her. Luke tried to reach for her again but she pushed him away and ran towards his room. He followed swiftly but found the door shut in his face with the unmistakable sound of the lock clicking.

"Mara!" He pounded on the door. "Open this door. Please."

Han was right behind him, banging his own fists on the door. "I'm sorry, Luke," he said despairingly. "I should have commed first, I didn't think..."

But Luke wasn't listening, intent on getting Mara to open the door. He tried to unlock it with the Force but she had built an impressive barrier around the room. Luke cursed himself for taking away the Ysalmiri, but he had thought it had been for the best, a measure of his trust...

"Mara!" Han was calling out now. "Come'on now, Red, open up." He looked just as worried as Luke was feeling. He lowered his voice; "I'll try and find something to jimmy the door open."

"Mara, please," Luke tried to make his voice calm. "Let's talk about this." But Mara didn't answer. 

* * *

><p>She saw Talon's face, in the mirror she had kept covered in the past weeks because she hadn't wanted to look at herself. But he was there, now, so clear that he could have been standing beside her. "I said you couldn't trust him," he said, calmly and rationally as he had always sounded. Mara reached out to touch him, her fingers hitting cool glass, but she almost felt as if he was there, just beyond her reach.<p>

"It wasn't his fault," she said, pleading with Talon for confirmation. She knew that Luke couldn't have done anything to stop the story from breaking – that it was all of her own making – but she needed Talon to say so, too. He had always been her benchmark, her moral compass. He had always known the right things to say and do. Not like Luke, who had always preached too hard on the side of blind compassion, and not like herself, who had always leaned towards the other extreme. No, Talon was that practical, pragmatic middle ground. She needed his advice.

"He should have been more careful," Talon said shortly. "Should have seen this coming."

"No," Mara barely whispered. "Not even you could have."

"I would never have let this happen," he stated resolutely. "If I'd been there for you."

"But you're not," Mara said, a little more firmly, withdrawing her hand from the mirror. "You're not."

"But I could be," Talon's silken voice seemed to glide over her, drawing her in. "I can protect you."

She wanted that so badly – the woman who had never needed anyone wanted so badly for someone to take all of her burdens and just make them disappear. The addict in her was fighting with the warrior, who balked at Talon's words. She had been coping by herself – with Luke's help, but she had been doing it for _herself_.

"Come back to me, Mara," Talon. "There are no troubles here. You can be free."

She wanted freedom – but not the kind her friend was offering her. Not even her friend, she realised, not Talon reaching across the void, but an apparition, a spectre of her own mind, the addict finding a new way to tame her. Mara reached for the paperweight that sat on Luke's nightstand and she threw it against the mirror with force, shattering the image of Talon. She shielded her face from the flying glass as it scattered across the room, large pieces falling at her feet.

"Mara?" She heard Luke's worried voice from outside the room. "What happened, are you alright?" He sounded panicked. Mara didn't know how she could face him – face all of them when her secret had been exposed, and not only her reputation, but Luke's as well. How could he recover from association with her? How could she ever keep the low profile she cultivated for herself, the respect that had formed within the business community, when she would always be known as either Luke Skywalker's lover or the ex-Imperial spice addict? Would she never be free of either association?

Mara sank to her knees, hot tears creeping slowly down her cold cheeks. The edges of the fallen glass dug into her knees but she welcomed the pain. At least it felt real –she didn't mind physical pain; it was everything else she could not deal with. Shaking, Mara reached for a large piece of glass on the floor, clasping it firmly in her hand, watching the pricks of red appear in her palm. Perhaps Talon was right, perhaps she _could_ be free.

_Of course I'm right_ the voice was there again, in her mind.

"Mara!" She heard Luke call again, even more frantically. "Please, answer me if you can!"

_He's a poor imitation, m'dear_ Talon said in a familiar drawl. _He's been using you as much as you were using him._

She couldn't believe that – Luke had been so kind, so generous – the last person to take advantage, even when he'd had the opportunity...

"Mara!" he called again, his voice followed by loud thuds which she deduced was him throwing his weight against the door, trying to get it open. She heard Han's voice as well, muffled, and that made Mara's heart sting. For the smuggler to see her like this – she was sure he'd never let her hear the end of it...if she was around to hear anything that was.

"Mara!" Luke kept calling her name, distracting her from the task at hand. She gripped the blade of glass more tightly. He sounded so worried...so anxious for her safety, and yet...she wanted to be with Talon, with her friend even if it was only a phantom, a pale imitation. She had always felt so safe with him...and yet the memory of being in Luke's arms, so alive, so unrestrained...

_You have to choose_ Talon said. _It has to be him or me._

"I can't..." Mara sobbed, how could she choose? Which path should she follow, and why did it have to be one or the other? Why couldn't she make her own path, unhindered by anyone else?

_Do it, Mara _Talon commanded her. _Don't let them stop you_

The jagged glass kept moving closer to her pale wrist, where blue veins restrained her blood. She could free herself...

...by giving up. She had never given up. Talon – the real Talon, would not have wanted her to give up, even if it meant giving _him_ up. "I'm sorry..." she whispered into the air, and threw the shard of glass at the wall, where it shattered.

There were no voices – Talon was gone. Again.

Mara slowly raised herself to her feet and began the long journey to the door. Luke was still there, calling her name, his anxiety bleeding across the Force intensely. She thumbed the activation switch on the door to reveal Han, pale and white, on his knees, in the action of hotwiring the lock. Luke swept her into a fierce embrace, almost crushing her in the process. Mara's legs gave out from under her, and Luke sank to the floor with her in his arms, rocking her back and forth, mumbling unintelligible things she couldn't have deciphered even if she had been listening.

"Careful Luke, you'll crush her." She heard Han speak in a gentle voice she had never heard him use, then felt his arms around her, detaching her from Luke's embrace so he could carry her to the bed. She was barely aware when he placed her down among the soft sheets, realising what had just occurred.

"Luke..." she said, her mouth strangely dry. She tried to sit up. "I need to talk to Luke..." Suddenly she wanted to tell him everything, all that she had kept inside the past few weeks, all that she had kept silent about.

But Han gently pushed her back against the bed. "You need to sleep now, Mara," he said. "You can talk to Luke later when you're...both feeling up to it." He patted her head almost lovingly. "Don't worry, I'll stay here."

Watch over her? Solo? At any other time she would have found that disturbing...a large part of her still did, but suddenly she realised she was tired, and she had no desire to fight him.

She would sleep, but for the first time in many weeks, she realised that this time, she actually _wanted_ to wake up.


	25. Chapter 24

Mara stared at the very weak cup of stim-tea that she held in both hands, not wishing to meet Luke's eyes. He sat on the couch next to her, cross-legged, leaning forward intently, waiting for her to speak. She knew what he wanted to say – what _she_ wanted him to say – that it was all right, she didn't have to tell him anything. But they both knew such easy platitudes would only start the cycle again, of her concealing things and him allowing her to do so.

She had promised him that she would talk, really talk, about what had been troubling her. She knew Han and Leia had been pushing him to take her to a professional, someone specialised in dealing with... addicts. She could think that word now, accept it and understand what she had become. But Mara couldn't face a stranger. Luke had already seen her at her worst, and he hadn't run, hadn't abandoned her.

"Mara," he began a little uncertainly. "There's something I have to know."

Mara sighed. "I said I'd tell you everything, Luke. So ask."

Luke shifted, looking down at his hands and then back up at her. "Okay," he said, but then lapsed back into silence. She waited for him to think, to work out what he wanted to say. Finally he gently took her hands into his and looked her directly in the eyes. "I know Talon was your friend, that he helped you through your withdrawal...before."

Mara nodded, guessing where he was going. She had to let him say it, though.

"Were you ever anything more?" Luke looked as though he didn't want to hear the answer.

"Would it make a difference?" Mara asked him.

"Maybe," Luke answered truthfully.

"Talon is the only true friend I've ever had," Mara said. "And we were never friends, Luke," she stopped him before he could protest. "I know that's what you wanted to believe but it's just not true. We were acquaintances, and then lovers, but we were never friends." She had to be honest with him now - she'd promised herself that as well. "Talon was there for me," she continued. "Not like a father..." She didn't think she could see anyone as a father figure, not after... "It's hard to explain. I trusted him."

"I understand." Luke said softly.

"He never betrayed that trust," she said seriously. "And I never wanted him to."

Luke nodded and looked thoughtful, absently patting her hand.

"Does that make you feel better?" she asked.

"I don't know... yes," he replied. "I suppose I wanted to know if I was... different."

"But you weren't, Luke." She pulled away from his comforting hands and leant back against the back of the cushions. "I made all the same mistakes in new ways." She bent her legs and drew them up under her chin, resting her head on her knees, wanting to make herself as small as possible. "There were so many men, the first time, before Talon. _He_ was the one who was different."

"Oh."

"I don't want to hurt you, Luke." She couldn't look at him. "But I used you. I thought that if I could just keep my mind occupied, I would be fine." She managed a small smile. "And you were very good at doing that."

The corner of Luke's mouth twitched but he clamped his jaw to stop the movement.

"But I am sorry, Luke, _that_ is the difference," she continued. "All of those other men, I just took what I needed and moved on. But you... I regret what i've done to you. I want to make it right."

Luke took her hand again. "Well, this is a start. I don't blame you, you weren't in control of your actions."

"No," she told him firmly. "I was. You have to understand, the spice is just an excuse to do what I wanted without caring about the consequences. I should have known better – a part of me _did_ know better." She laughed self-derisively. "Gods I hate lucidity."

It had been so much easier to delude herself, but Mara now knew she had to face her cause of her problems, not just deal with the outcomes.

"It makes a nice change," Luke told her. "Please, tell me more about Talon."

"I already told you..."

"No," he said gently. "Tell me anything about him, tell me about the missions you had, how you ran your company, anything. You need to talk about him, Mara. To move on, you need to accept the difference he made in your life, rather than just pretending he never existed."

Mara took a deep breath, feeling the hot sting of tears in the back of her eyes. But Luke was right – she had to face it. "Okay," she said as Luke rubbed her arm encouragingly. "Okay..."

* * *

><p>Luke pushed his way through the spaceport, trying to keep his eyes on his path and not on the throng of reporters that surrounded him. They had been hounding him ever since he left the apartment - had been staking out their apartment actually - ever since the news story had broken. They had been easy to ignore while they were secluded inside with blinds pulled over the windows, but as soon as he stepped outside it had been constant questions and holorecorders in his face. It had taken all of his willpower to stay silent and keep walking.<p>

He had just needed to get away. Han had agreed to stay with Mara and the thought of the two of them together almost made Luke smile. But he was far too annoyed at the constant jabbering of the crowd around him.

"Why did you keep this a secret Master Skywalker?"

"What else are you hiding?"

"How long have you and Jade been involved?"

"Do the Jedi have an official stance on drug addiction?"

Luke was relieved when he finally made it to the door of the pilot's club. The bouncer ushered him in quickly. "Pilots only!" He bellowed at the throng before slamming the door and bolting it shut.

"Thank you, Ciin," Luke said gratefully.

"Don't worry, Luke," Ciin grinned. "No one will get past me."

"I appreciate it." Luke patted him on the arm and entered the club, more of a lounge really, with pilots scattered around the many comfortable couches, smoking, drinking, chatting with each other. It had long been an escape for Luke, and he had never needed it more than now. He smiled and nodded in greeting to a few of the men and women, knowing that every one of them would respect his space. Luke sat down in one of the couches in the far corner and almost immediately a waitress appeared with a drink for him – a cup of caf with a shot of Corellian Whiskey, a favourite amongst the Rogues. He took a sip and leant back against the cushions.

"Hi, Luke," a deep voice roused him, and Luke looked up to see Lando standing somewhat uncertainly by the low table in the centre of the booth.

"Lando," Luke said a little shortly, suddenly tense. "How have you been?"

"Fine," Lando answered a little too quickly. "Fine... I mean, probably better than you." Lando flinched, probably realising that his words hadn't come out the way he planned. "I mean... I saw the news."

_Thanks for reminding me_. Luke gestured for Lando to sit down. "Something tells me you're not here to talk about that unpleasant reality."

"No," Lando admitted, brushing an invisible speck of dust off his tunic as he sat. "But I wasn't... surprised by it."

"Oh?" Now Luke was interested. He had tried not to think about what Mara had told him about her and Lando, and a part of him couldn't help but be bothered by it. What else didn't he know?

"Look, Luke, I don't know how much you know about me and Mara - "

"I know," Luke cut him off. Oh, he knew. He just didn't want to hear it said out loud.

"Right." Lando was uncharacteristically uncertain. In fact, Luke had never seen him so nervous. "I knew something was wrong, there'd been a discrepancy with the spice shipment, and Mara had acted so strangely after..." he checked himself. "I wanted to say something at your birthday, but I... didn't want to interfere. I wish now I had."

"I don't think it would have made much of a difference, Lando," Luke managed to say. "Don't blame yourself."

Lando nodded. "It's no secret that I... pursued Mara," he began. "I thought I was lucky as hell when it seemed like I succeeded. But she left, Luke," he continued, meeting Luke's eyes for the first time. "I know you probably think that there's not a lot of difference between what she did to me and what she's done to you, but there is. And believe me, this isn't easy for me to say." He shook his head derisively. "But when I saw the two of you together, it didn't hurt so much that she chose you over me. It was the fact that when she looked at you, it wasn't completely the spice. There was something real there. Trust me, Luke. I know a few things about women."

Luke appreciated Lando's words, but he wasn't in the right frame of mind to hear them. "Lando, I - "

"Hey, Luke!" Wedge appeared at his side. "Sorry i'm late, it was hell getting through the front doors. I know you've had your fanclubs before but this is ridiculous!" He laughed and flopped down on the couch. "Lando, hey!" he greeted him. "Have a drink with us?"

"No, I really have to be going," Lando was subdued, a sad smile gracing his mouth. "It was good to see you, Luke," he said, rising from his seat. "I'll see you around."

"Yeah," Luke reached to clasp his hand. "I hope so." He watched Lando leave, unsure of what to think about the exchange.

"Luke?" Wedge snapped his fingers to get his attention. "You all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Luke shook the thought away. "Thanks for coming Wedge."

"I was waiting for the call," Wedge smiled. "I wanted to go over to your place straight away but Iella thought it would just make things worse."

"You always do what Iella tells you?" Luke ribbed him.

"Yes," Wedge answered seriously, then broke into laughter. Luke joined him, feeling the weight of his problems slip away. It was good to take a break, to not have to worry about watching Mara every second, and while it had been a relief to hear her finally talk to him but he couldn't deny that it had drained him, just a little.

But a part of him kept thinking about what Lando had said, and he wondered...

* * *

><p>Mara shifted uncomfortably in her seat in Luke's kitchen, giving the Sabacc cards in her hand a half-hearted glance. Han Solo sat across from her, eyeing her carefully, whether as strategy in the game or just to keep a close eye on her, as if she would at any second try and make a break for it. She certainly felt like doing so, but the company was worse outside. Probably.<p>

"Come on, Jade," Han urged her. "I'm growing moss over here."

Mara didn't even have a retort ready, and instead threw the seven of Flasks onto the table.

Han snorted. "You're not even trying, Jade," he told her.

"It wasn't my idea to play," she shot back. In truth, she was reminded of the last time she had played Sabacc, with Luke on the Hunter's Luck. How different things had been then – how deluded she had been to ignore the love Luke had clearly had for her. And now Luke never touched her, except to chastely hold her hand, and she was stuck being minded by Solo. "I don't need a babysitter," Mara added with bitterness.

"Yeah, well forgive me if I don't take your word for it." Han searched through the cards in his hands and his face broke into a grin. He tossed a face card – the Queen of Air and Darkness, onto the table and smirked. "There's the card for you, sunshine."

"Funny," she said sarcastically. She found that she had her own face card, and with a wry smile, placed it on the table. It was The Idiot card.

Han laughed. "Cute, Jade," he told her. "Very cute." He threw his remaining cards down on the table. "Fine," he said with a shrug. "What do you want to do?"

Mara tossed her cards aside and leaned back into her chair. "Nothing with you."

"Well, tough luck, Red," he told her. "You're stuck with me until Luke gets back," he continued. "And don't pout, he needed a break."

Mara suddenly felt guilty, and looked at her hands. Maybe she_ should_ have insisted on checking into a rehab facility, rather than taking advantage of Luke's infinite patience and need to help. She could see the toll it was taking on him, hating herself for putting him through it.

"And don't go feeling sorry for yourself again," Han said firmly, as if he had read her thoughts. "Hey," he added, and she looked up to meet his gaze, "It's Luke's choice to help you." Han sighed wistfully. "He needs to do that, you know," he continued, his tone becoming warmer. "If he can help someone he loves, he'll do it, no matter the cost to him. It's just the way he is – nothing you can do to stop him."

Mara's heart ached despite Han's assurances – just how much could she take from Luke before she broke him? And yet she could not stop herself from drinking in his forgiveness, his friendship, his affection, as if the was the hydrating drink of water which banished the thirst of addiction.

"So what do I do?" she asked, her voice small.

"You accept it," Han told her kindly. "You let him help you, and hopefully…you get better."


	26. Chapter 25

Luke drew Mara into a fierce hug as soon as the turbolift doors closed behind them. She squirmed slightly in his arms but allowed his embrace, even resting her head on his shoulder. He wanted to say how proud he was of her, but didn't want to sounds patronising.

"Holo scum," he heard Mara mutter into the folds of his tunic. They'd just barely managed to navigate the distance between his speeder and the entrance to the Smugglers Alliance HQ without being savaged by hordes of holoreporters and press. Luke had tried to dodge them in his speeder but the sheer mass of them meant he had been unable to lose them all. And somehow, they had managed to anticipate where they were going, because there were twice as many waiting outside the doors when they arrived.

"Are you okay?" Luke asked.

Mara pulled away and tossed her hair dismissively. "Didn't even notice them," she declared, and Luke smiled slightly.

"You ready?"

"Skywalker, I'm always ready." It was a typical response, and for a moment it was the Mara he remembered – that fierce determination that would drive her to anything. He knew how strong it could be - for that fierce will had once been directed against him; now she was challenging it inwards. She would succeed, or fail. There was no other option. 

* * *

><p>Luke and Mara sat across the briefing table from Aves, who was staring at them with a mix of suspicion and pity, and had been doing so for the past five minutes.<p>

"So, what's your answer?" Mara snapped, apparently annoyed by the lack of response to what Luke had believed to be a heartfelt speech.

"Of course I'll take over the organisation, Mara," he replied in a measured tone. "If you're sure that's what you want." His eyes flickered to Luke.

"He's got nothing to do with it," Mara snapped again, then sighed heavily, as if to release all of her anger in one breath. "Of course this is not what I want," she said evenly after a long silence. "But this is what has to happen."

"It's just you were so adamant before, about what Talon wanted," Aves pressed.

"He certainly didn't want us to stop trading, and that's exactly what happened," Mara replied. "You were...right, Aves," she managed to continue. "I let him down. We've lost some of our contracts, our reputation...and I let it happen. But I'm trying to fix that now."

Ave's expression was inscrutable. "Alright," he said finally, and Mara pushed across a datapad for his signature. He scrawled his name and passed it back across the table to Mara, who seemed to have quite some difficulty signing her name. Stylus in hand, the tip hovered above the datapad, her fingers shaking slightly for several long moments. Luke knew it was a difficult moment for her. She was not only signing her livelihood away, but the last tangible link she had to Talon.

Then, in a bold, quick action, Mara signed the electronic form, and the deed was done. She pushed back the datapad to Aves. "I'm sure the Alliance lawyers can ratify that," she said, her businesslike voice displaying only a hint of pain. "And our Eleiic account is worth the most to us...you," she corrected, "so I would start on that; the Ambassador enjoys Alderaanian cuisine, I suggest a business dinner to get him on side. And the Wild Karrde fuelling systems are due for a service, and...well, I'm sure you know what's best."

Luke looked at Mara's hands fisted in her lap – her sharp nails were digging into her palms. Luke reached under the table to gently loosen her grip, and she took his hand in both of hers gratefully.

"Thank you, Mara," Aves said.

"Aves," Mara said as he started to rise from the table, and he halted, looking at her shrewdly. "Just one more thing..." the first hint of a smile graced her face. "Clear skies."

* * *

><p>Mara curled herself into a ball, the sheets twisting around her on the bed. Her dreams had been filled with fire and lightening, dancing around her, consuming her, and at the end she had seen the Emperor's face with a final, victorious smile. She cried out as she awoke to darkness, throwing off the sheets as if they were the flames she had dreamt of, her skin unbearably hot. There was a clawing hunger within her, a desperation filling her veins for the silky white powder she knew could deliver her from any pain. That would make sure she did not dream.<p>

But she would not let herself fall down that hole again, and Mara dug her fingernails into her palms harshly, forcing herself to feel the pain – she knew she must endure it.

"Mara?" Luke called her name and appeared in the doorway. She turned her face away from him, hot tears spilling down her cheeks as she pressed her nails harder into her skin. But she soon felt the weight of him as he crossed the room and sat on the bed next to where she lay. Gentle hands stroked her face and he urged her gaze back to his. "It's alright," he told her soothingly. He brushed her tears away gently with his thumb and she stifled a sob.

"Is this about today?" he asked gently. "With Aves?"

She shook her head – giving up Talon's company had been difficult, but she had also found it strangely liberating. "It was the Emperor," she said haltingly. "He always thought I was only what he made me – that I was nothing without him."

"That's not true," Luke told her.

"Isn't it?" she said. "That's when I lost my way." Mara took a few shallow breaths and pressed her nails down again into her skin. "Sometimes I think I'll never escape his hold," she whispered hoarsely.

"You have escaped," Luke said earnestly, running his hands down her arms comfortingly. Carefully, he pried away her fingers from the fists she had formed. "You're in charge of your own destiny now, Mara," he told her, running his fingers gently over the crescent-shaped marks she'd made in her palms. She felt him reach out with the Force, his touch a cooling balm on her marked hands and heated skin.

With his words and touch her anxiety faded away, her dreams vanishing as if they had never existed. When he began to stand, he grasped his hands softly. "Don't go," she pleased softly, not wanting to face the darkness of sleep alone. Luke obliged her, climbing into the bed beside her as she curled into him. Mara pressed her cheek against the soft fabric of his sleep tunic as his arms went around her and he stroked her hair.

"Sleep Mara," he whispered softly as he eyes drifted closed. "I'm here." 

* * *

><p>One week later they were sharing Ga'ai noodles and watching a holofilm in Luke's apartment.<p>

"I miss dancing," Mara said softly, breaking the silence. The scene was set in an ancient Maatani culture, and her eyes followed the movements of the women on the screen as they performed their ritualistic dance.

"Why don't you start again?" Luke asked, his attention turning towards her. "I have plenty of music," he offered.

Mara smiled humourlessly. "I can't," she replied simply. "It used to come so naturally to me – the rhythms of the music, the movements...but it's all gone, now. I can't feel it." She knew he couldn't think of anything to say. "It's okay, Luke," she continued. "I'm not looking for sympathy. I've lost so many things." She shifted uncomfortably on the couch. "I shouldn't have brought it up."

"If you want to talk about it, Mara, I'm here."

"I know." Mara felt his force sense hesitatingly brush against her. She allowed it, but did not respond. She desperately wanted to reach out to him, as he had done before when he'd comforted her after her nightmares. She'd slept dreamlessly in his arms that night, and they had not even discussed it. The next night they both simply accepted that he would come again, and ever since they had been sharing a bed. Of course, it was utterly chaste, but Mara craved it all the same, knowing that the nightmares would still come, but that he would always be there when she woke to talk her through it. It was on those moments when she was the most open, the most honest. When day came she would often withdraw into herself, too embarrassed to share anything too deep, but in the night she was not so inhibited.

She told him of her service with the Emperor, of her childhood, if one could call it that. She told him about Talon, of the times they had shared together. And finally, she told Luke about himself of all the years she'd spent hating him, confessed how he had changed her mind, and finally articulated all the qualities she admired in him – his compassion, his dedication, his connection to the Force and his unrelenting optimism. She had joked that those were also all the qualities that annoyed her about him, and he'd laughed for the first time since his birthday.

* * *

><p>Mara wandered through the underbelly of Coruscant, through the familiar streets that called to her. She had built strong Force barriers and projected an appearance illusion, enough, she was sure, to keep any holoreporters off her trail. Or Luke, for that matter.<p>

She saw dealers lurking in alleyways and junkies trawling the streets for their next fix. She passed spice dens that called sweetly to her, urging her to give in. She had begun to feel claustrophrobic in Luke's apartment, caged within the walls. At first she had convinced herself that she had just needed some fresh air and new surroundings – but her short walk had led her here for a reason. She could not deny it any longer. This was what she had to do. 

* * *

><p>Luke sensed that something was not right the moment he entered the apartment. He quickly searched for Mara's presence and when he did not find it he physically searched the rooms. But all the lights were off and she was gone. He was at first willing to believe the best in her, that she had simply gone out for something completely innocent and forgotten to leave a note, perhaps. Luke closed his eyes and reached out through the Force, out of his apartment, across and under the city. Eventually he felt his senses hit a duracrete wall that was certainly Mara blocking him out, keeping her location and thoughts hidden.<p>

Luke sighed heavily, allowing himself to sink into the armchair in his living room. He could hone his search, force his way through her barriers and find out exactly where she was but he didn't care to try. There was nothing he could do to stop her now. Instead he sat in his chair, long and still enough until the automatic lights turned themselves off and the room was cast into darkness.

Over several hours his anger dulled and became a severe disappointment. It was then that the front door opened and Mara entered. She felt her eyes find him as the lights switched on.

"Evening," she said conversationally.

"'Evening?' That's all you have to say?" Luke stood up, challenging her. "I don't suppose I need to ask where you've been."

"I suppose not," Mara replied coolly. "But you could ask _why_."

"I should think that would be obvious," Luke bit back. "To damage everything you've worked for."

"No, Luke, no." Mara became earnest. "I did go there – but I haven't taken anything. I know it may not be easy to believe but it's the truth." She advanced on him. "Look at me, look at my eyes."

Luke looked at her properly. Mara seemed alert, but not restless, her eyes clear and unmarred. But somehow, this did not appease him. His senses still ached with burnt-off anger. "Very admirable, Mara," he said harshly. "To take off, make me think the worst. I bet you enjoyed that, didn't you, keeping me blocked out?"

"At least the kid gloves have come off," she replied airily. "I was getting sick of you biting your tongue, not daring to say anything in case you upset me."

"So this was to test me?" Luke asked. "To see how far you could push me?"

"No," Mara replied, her voice becoming softer and genuine. "It was to test _me_." She sighed, and sank down onto the couch. "I needed to know that I could beat it – it was one thing to sit here in your safe apartment and think I'd beaten it – there's no temptation here. I had to go out, in the thick of things, to actually _face it_ and still resist. And I did."

Luke sat down next to her. "So you didn't feel tempted at all?"

Mara huffed, and Luke felt that once again he had misunderstood. "Of _course_ I was tempted," she told him. "I don't think I'll ever be able to walk through a place like that and not be. I wanted it so badly..." she trailed off, closing her eyes as if reliving the moment. Luke put his hand on her knee in what he hoped would be a comforting gesture. Her eyes opened and Mara visibly steeled herself before she continued. "But I resisted," she said, a note of pride in her voice. "I didn't give in."

Squeezing her knee happily, Luke beamed. "I'm proud of you Mara."

"I know," she replied softly, and her eyes drifted to where his hand was on her leg, and her gaze rested there.

* * *

><p>There were many times after that when Luke came home to an empty apartment, and it was difficult for him to learn to trust her again. He couldn't deny himself the worry until she was home – for his apartment had become her home. But he also knew that it was no use to be her jailer, or to coddle her. And their days and evenings together were happy. They watched holos, or played cards, although she had lost the taste for Sabacc. Mara took to reading, and they discussed things – he even listened to her thoughts on the Jedi Academy and paved the road to the day he would assure her that it was still his hope she would join its ranks. Someday, at least. The path of a Jedi was not to heal a wounded soul, to fill a void. Looking back, Luke knew that was the one mistake of his training. He had wanted to become a Jedi to jointly emulate the father he never knew and to escape and existence he found no joy in. It was a long time before he saw his life as a Jedi as something he wanted for its own sake rather than as a necessity.<p>

They occasionally cooked together, or rather, Luke cooked and then Mara 'fixed it'.

"I never pegged you as a cook, Mara," he said once as they were dining. "But this is rather good."

"Why's that?" Mara asked without looking up from her plate. "Because women like me are horrible cooks?"

Luke knew she was teasing him, and played along. "Of course. Exactly the same way men like me are bad cooks."

"Yes, but Luke, you really _are_ a horrible cook." The hint of a smile graced her face and she looked up.

He couldn't deny that. Mara cooked simply and fuss-free, but knew her flavours and seasonings well enough to taste her food accordingly. She had learnt the hard way how to take care of herself. Luke, on the other hand, had not received much inspiration from his upbringing on Tatooine cuisine.

"Come on," he said as he finished his plate. "We'll wash these up later." He took her hand and coaxed her to her feet. "I have a surprise for you."

"Your living room?" She asked as they stopped in the middle of the floor. "I'm shocked."

"Just wait." Luke walked to his stereo and punched in the correct commands. Soulful music filled the room.

"Luke..."

He walked back over to her and stretched out his hand in an invitation. "Some things don't disappear, Mara," he said.

* * *

><p>Mara looked at Luke's outstretched hand, and hesitated. Some things didn't disappear? Something told her that Luke was offering so much more than a dance, but dare she take it? Was she strong enough to exist in that world again?<p>

In that moment, Mara knew that, finally, she loved Luke. He had been her lover, and had then become her friend and confidant, her saviour from the darkness that had threatened to consume her. And she loved him for it. Not only for his devotion and trust – but she felt that she knew his mind and soul, the essence of Luke Skywalker that she had overlooked before.

Mara took his hand, and was warmed by his answering smile. He drew closer and Mara put her arms around him. His hands rested on her hips, which had begun to move to the slow strains of music. Mara felt the rhythm flow through her, like an old friend returning. Luke had a natural grace to his movements that complemented her own, and they seemed to move in synchronicity.

They danced together, and for the first time in months Luke let his barriers down. Mara felt his love for her there, still strong, as it had always been. She turned her face towards him, and his expression was so open, and his lips too close. She reached up and closed the gap between them, drawing him closer still. He responded, kissing her gently, but with a surprising intensity. She supposed she had never kissed him unfettered by grief or substance. It was so much clearer, so much more focussed.

When he pulled away they were both breathing heavily, and Luke pressed his forehead against her own. She had suspected that he still had feelings for her, but the love that radiated from him was so strong it shocked her. Mara was once again struck by his capacity for forgiveness, and that even after all she had put him through, he still wanted to be with her. Mara felt tears spill from her eyes and she could not stop them, her heart was so full.

Luke cupped his face in her hands, his clear blue eyes looking into her intently as he brushed her tears away with his thumbs. "What is it, Mara?" he asked.

"Nothing," she told him and smiled even as more tears spilled onto her cheeks. "It's just that…I love you."

She opened up her Force barriers so that he could feel the truth of her words, if he could not see it in her eyes. The words tasted like freedom and happiness on her tongue, and she was gratified when his face cracked into a wide smile.

Mara kissed him again, harder this time, more purposefully, tasting the saltiness of her own tears and the distinctive Luke-taste she'd long forgotten. He broke the kiss and embraced her tightly, and she felt his happiness mingle with her own.

"I love you too, Mara," he whispered against her hair. "I love you," he kissed the tears on her cheeks and captured her mouth again, running his tongue sensuously against her lower lip. She gasped and he used the opportunity to deepen the kiss, tilting her head back to give him better access. Mara's hands wound around his neck at clutched his hair, urging him on as he kissed his way down her exposed throat to the nape of her neck.

She remembered his touch, but it seemed different now. Mara didn't view it as a simple stimulation her nerve endings, a chemical reaction that gave her pleasure, but rather a sharing of herself with another, and his sharing of himself with her.

"Luke," she whispered, drawing his gaze back to hers. Desire had darkened his eyes to a deep blue, and she knew why she had always avoided his intimate gaze, before. If she had looked at him, she would not have been able to deceive herself about his true feelings. But she was as open as he had been, now, and she did not need to say what she wanted.

He told her he loved her as he gently gathered her in his arms and carried her to the bedroom, and again as they removed each others clothes. He told her he loved her as they joined together and she cried from happiness, never knowing that she could feel so fulfilled. He said it again and again, and for the first time, she heard him.

When they were finished, she ran her hands lightly across his sweat-sheened back and he sighed contentedly.

"I love you, Luke" she finally whispered back as her fingers caressed the hair at the name of his neck. "I love you."

* * *

><p>Mara sat cross-legged on the floor, leaning against Luke's bedroom door. She had awoken before dawn as usual and had allowed herself only a few minutes in Luke's arms. It only that long to realize what had happened the night before was a mistake. So she extracted herself from his embrace, dressed and packed her few belongings into a suitcase, which was sitting beside her on the floor as she watched him sleep.<p>

She had never felt as happy as she had the previous night, but as dawn broke it threw clarity over the situation. Knowing that she loved Luke – truly loved him – changed everything. It made her a danger to him, and him a danger to her recovery. As Han had told her, Luke would try to help her no matter what she did, and nothing she said would stop him. She hadn't understood what Han had meant, then, but she saw all too clearly now.

Mara looked down at the message she'd typed onto the datapad:

_Luke,_

_I'm sorry, I love you but I need to do this alone. Please don't look for me. _

_Mara_

She had re-written it a hundred times, and knew that the words would never be enough. But if she tried to explain it to his face, she knew he wouldn't listen. Luke was too stubborn for that.

She wanted to weep, to cry out and wail at the injustice of it all, but the time for weeping was over. She was Mara Jade, and Mara Jade did not weep like a child. She made tough decisions, accepted them, and moved on, no matter her personal feelings.

So Mara left the datapad by his bed, and didn't dare let herself stroke his hair or kiss his forehead as a goodbye. She simply picked up her suitcase and left his apartment for good.


	27. Chapter 26

_Yavin 4, Two years later_

Luke sat on the end of his bed, trying to quell his disappointment as the woman walked the length of the room in front of him, removing her clothes from his dresser and placing them gently into a small travelling bag.

"I can't believe this," he said finally.

Callista looked up from the bag and gave him a sad smile. "Yes you can, Luke," she said softly. "You can't tell me you didn't see this coming."

Luke didn't reply, because he knew she was right. He could only continue to watch her pack in silence. Watch another woman who had claimed to love him leave his life. An old bitterness stabbed at his heart, one that he refused to let turn to anger.

Callista sat down beside him, and took his hand. "It's not that I don't love you, Luke. You know I do," she said.

"Not enough, obviously." Luke fingered the bracelet Callista wore around her wrist, the one he'd given her in a pique of hope. He had been prepared to see this through to the end – to immerse himself completely in the relationship. Wasn't that enough for her?

"I thought when I met you Luke, that I had another chance for love. I'm sure you felt the same." Callista took his hand a squeezed it gently. "I care about you, deeply. And I thought that being here, in your Jedi temple, I could start over. With you." She sighed and stood up again, recommencing her packing, moving from the dresser, to the wardrobe, then back to her bag. "But we both have too much baggage to do that, Luke. I suppose a part of me knew that from the beginning, but you were just so...wonderful." She turned and smiled. "You _are_ wonderful. And I wish we could make this work. But I can't be her for you, Luke," she added sadly. "Anymore than you could be Geith for me."

Luke looked away as she picked up her bag, and moved to kiss him on the cheek. "I'll keep in touch," she whispered. He didn't say goodbye, and let her walk out the door, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

After Mara had left his life hadn't changed all that much, or to be more accurate, it had returned to normal. He refused to dwell of his pain, or try and seek Mara out, even though he still didn't know her reasons for leaving. He knew she had cut all ties with her old life, only because he had seen Ghent six months earlier, who had told him Aves had taken complete control of Karrde's organisation and Mara had not been seen or heard of since. Luke hoped she had stayed clean during that time, but he had to tell himself that if she hadn't, it was not his responsibility. It was unlike him to stop caring, and he hadn't, really – he had just accepted that Mara had made her choice, and it hadn't included him. Her note had asked him not to look for her, and he'd respected that.

Luke refused to let himself dwell on the past, now. He'd decided to move on two years ago, returning to the Jedi Academy and throwing himself into the work. The Academy was flourishing as never before, and now that Callista had left as well, he tried to think that at least he would have even more time to devote to his teaching. It didn't even hurt that much, he reasoned. It was almost as if he was beyond pain, beyond being in a position when anyone could hurt him.

Moving from the bed, Luke activated his personal comm unit, feeling that he needed a change of pace. He drummed his fingers on the table as he waited for the signal to connect. After a few moments the holo clicked on and Han's face appeared before him.

"Hey, kid!" Han broke into a grin. "How's it going?"

"Not well," Luke answered truthfully.

"Oh," Han's face fell. "I'm sorry, Luke..."

"You're not going to wait until I tell you what's wrong?" Luke asked, a little confused.

"Well, I assumed..."

"That Callista left." Luke ran a tired hand over his eyes. "You saw it coming, too."

"I'm sorry," Han repeated. "Leia and I thought it was best to leave it, in case it _did_ work out..."

"That's okay," Luke cut him off. "Can I come and stay with you for a few days? I think I need a change of scenery."

"Of course," Han managed another grin. "We'll have a hell of a time."

* * *

><p><em>Almania, Outer Rim<em>

"Nothing like the Outer Rim," Wedge muttered to himself as he examined his glass of what was claimed to be a local ale but looked rather much like dishwater. The cafe bustled around him – well, as much as folk in the Outer Rim could bustle. A bored-looking waitress flittered about the tables that housed an array of exotic creatures, many of which he could not place. That fact unsettled Wedge slightly – he did not even know the race of the contact he was scheduled to meet, only his codename. It reminded him a bit of the old days in the Rebel Alliance, which was probably why he had volunteered for the mission. A decision he was now somewhat regretting.

He was in the midst of surveying the cafe again when a familiar voice reached his ear. Although sure he was mistaken, Wedge listened intently anyway.

"You'll get the shipment as promised," the voice said, "as soon as the payment clears."

Wedge spun around, and saw a familiar redhead walk past him towards the exit. "Mara," he called to her. "Mara."

Mara turned at the sound of her name. Her eyes fell on him, and Wedge gave her a wave.

"Wedge," she acknowledged, giving him a thin smile. But she sat down at his table.

She looked different, Wedge noticed. Her hair was much shorter, styled and falling only to her shoulders. Her face was fuller, and she was not rail-thin like the last time he had seen her. Her gaze was softer, although she still gave him an intense, searching look.

"What are you doing out in the 'Rim?" Mara asked. She looked at the bar and gave the waitress a nod and within moments she brought over a drink and placed it on the table. Wedge noticed that Mara's glass was much cleaner than his own, and was filled with a red concoction he had not seen on the menu. She was obviously a regular.

"I could ask the same of you," Wedge replied. He went to take a sip from his own glass, and then thought better of it. "I suppose your next question was going to be how is Luke?"

"It was." Mara took a casual sip of her own drink. "To which you would ask me why I should care, because I didn't care two years ago...or something equally cutting."

Wedge shrugged. "Probably."

"So now we've gotten through that," Mara leaned back in her chair. "How _is_ Luke?"

"Fine," Wedge answered a little shortly. "He's fine. I'm here on NR business," he quickly changed the subject. "You?"

Mara gave him a smile that let him know she understood exactly what he was doing. "I run a small trading business. It probably wouldn't surprise you to know that the Republic doesn't have much influence out here and therefore the trade is a little disorganised."

Wedge nodded. "So a small but efficient trading company would prosper quite easily."

"Exactly." Mara smiled, but this time, showed her teeth. "News travels slowly out here, and most people don't care about it anyway."

"A fresh start," Wedge added, remembering the viciousness of the holoreporters on Coruscant when the story of her relationship with Luke and her addiction had been exposed.

"Everyone out here for the same reason," Mara told him, taking another sip of her drink. "So no one asks questions."

Wedge understood how that kind of privacy would be appealing to Mara. But he was Luke's friend, not hers, and he couldn't help but broach the topic. "Luke took it hard when you left," he told her.

Mara shifted in her seat uncomfortably. "I knew he would. It was harder for me."

"How, exactly?" Wedge struggled to keep the accusation out of his tone. "He was the one who had no idea where you'd gone, what you were doing." Wedge sighed. "It's not my business, and maybe it's not his either, but you could have at least been courteous and broken it off cleanly – given him an explanation." Wedge didn't entirely understand what had happened between Luke and Mara – Luke wasn't one to give a lot away and Wedge respected him enough not to ask. But he had seen the effects, he had seen Luke throw himself back into his work trying to pretend nothing had ever happened. But he had changed on the inside, something within him - his innate trust and willingness to give anyone the benefit of the doubt – had been damaged.

"I know," Mara said quietly. He had expected her to get riled at him, but there was no anger in her tone. Maybe, Wedge thought, she had changed too. "But it's too late now, he's moved on," she added.

Wedge regarded her curiously. Was that a sense of longing he could discern? "Heard about Callista, did you?" he asked her, keeping his voice neutral.

"News travels slowly out here," Mara replied. "But even the 'Rim heard all about his daring rescue. Sludgenews is loving it – for him to have found a woman more..._suited_ to him." Mara's lips pursed, and Wedge remembered how the media had vilified her. He almost pitied her. Almost. His eyes scanned the cafe one more time, and Wedge decided that his contact was not coming. Furthermore, he wanted to get away from Mara Jade before he said something he may regret. He didn't want to argue with her.

Tossing a few credits on the table, Wedge rose. "I'd say it was good to see you, but..." he trailed off, unsure of how to finish the sentence.

"Clear skies, Wedge," Mara replied, accepting his dismissal.

Wedge was about to leave, but was struck by the sadness that seemed to permeate Mara's attitude. There was no doubt she was more successful and healthier than when he had last seen her, but not happier.

"Luke and Callista are over," he spoke, unsure of why he was even saying the words. He was sure to regret it later, but he continued to speak, seeing Mara's curious reaction. "She left – don't know the details. But it's never too late for an explanation," he said pointedly, and walked away, leaving Mara at the table to digest the information.

That was the best he could do, Wedge thought. He wouldn't tell Luke he's seen her – it was up to Mara to do the right thing.


	28. Chapter 27

_Coruscant_

Luke checked his chrono. 1400. Plenty of time for him to finish his walk in the Imperial Gardens before heading back for dinner at Leia's. Han had been so intent on keeping him occupied that his presence had become almost suffocating, and Luke had spent every morning for the past two weeks on Coruscant desperately hung over. He had relished the opportunity to least spend a few hours on his own, enjoying the sculpted beauty of the gardens and the plant life so different from what he was used to on Yavin 4. It was peaceful.

"I thought I might find you here."

Luke stiffened, and slowly turned around. No, he hadn't been hearing things. Standing behind him, in the path back into the city, was Mara Jade.

"Hello Luke," she said, and smiled nervously.

Luke laughed. "Hello Luke?" he said disbelievingly. "What a greeting!"

Mara looked a little embarrassed. "I wasn't sure what else to say."

"Yes, I suppose it would be rather hard to make conversation after – what has it been – two years?" he said bitterly.

"Almost two and a half," Mara corrected him.

Luke sighed. He supposed this was going to happen eventually – even as big as the universe was, they'd run into each other by accident more times than seemed probable. But she'd said –_ I thought I'd find you here_ – meaning she'd been looking for him.

"So," he addressed her coldly, "after two and a half years, why are you here?"

Mara bit her lip – he'd never seen her so uneasy, so fidgety. "I've come to explain."

"I think the time where this could all be explained has passed." He turned to walk away.

"Luke, please," she ran up to him, and caught his sleeve. He turned back around. "Don't you even want to know? Even if you no longer feel anything for me, aren't you the least bit curious?"

Luke considered this. When it had happened, he had been desperately curious, had gone to see every single one of their mutual acquaintances to find out if they had seen her. He'd even spent an inordinate amount of time in spice dens, just in case she had returned to her old life. But she'd disappeared. After finally accepting that she had truly abandoned him, and that it wasn't some test, Luke had moved on. Although he would have thought her reappearance would inspire something in him. But it did not – he wasn't even angry.

"Not really," he answered.

"Oh." Mara drummed her fingers against her belt – if she had rehearsed this moment in her mind, it was certainly not going to her plans. "Won't you let me tell you anyway?"

"Why would I want to do that?" Luke asked her passively, all bitterness gone, just leaving a sense of apathy.

Mara smiled thinly. "One last favour, I suppose," she said eventually. "For old times sake."

It was then that his sense of compassion revealed itself. He reminded himself that he had forgiven others for their faults and actions – even when it had hurt him deeply. Forgiveness was always something that as a Jedi, he should be willing and able to grant.

"Fine," he said, shaking his head in defeat. "But I don't have much time." He was very aware of what Leia would say if he arrived late to dinner. Because after all, she was at the Senate all day in endless meetings and panels and inquiries and still managed to make it to the table on time – a fact she was only too willing to remind them of if they tried to make excuses.

"Thank you," Mara said earnestly. She gestured to a bench nearby, and Luke obliged her by taking a seat.

She remained quiet for a few moments, and Luke took the time to study her. She looked different – her hair was shorter, cropped around her shoulders in a style so different to the severe braids she had once favoured. Of course when they'd been together she'd let us down, and he had loved to run his fingers through the length of her loose curls in the stillness of the night. Luke banished the memory immediately.

He studied her clinically, noticing that she looked far healthier – no longer gaunt and pale, and the haunted look in her eyes had subsided. She seemed content with herself, despite her obvious discomfort around him.

"I've been in the Outer Rim," she began finally. "I set up my own trading company, and it is doing very well." She smiled to herself. "As well as anyone can do in the 'Rim."

"I'm glad," Luke replied, leaning back against the bench and regarding her thoughtfully. "But I'm sure you didn't leave two years ago because of a burning desire to organise trade with the outer territories."

"No." She seemed to appreciate his dry remark. "I left because I needed a fresh start. There was too much...baggage, here," she continued seriously. "I needed to prove to myself that I could do it on my own – without any crutch, or support. That was my problem the last time." Mara couldn't seem to look him in the eye, and instead examined her hands . "Karrde got me through it all – kept me clean. And when he was gone... I wasn't going to make that mistake again – not even with you."

Luke felt a tiny bit of sympathy for her. He couldn't help it, really, not when he remembered how acute her grief and suffering had been. But he wasn't won over. "You could have told me all this," he argued. "But you left, without a word."

"It was cowardly," Mara admitted. And then she raised her gaze and looked at him directly for the first time. "I suppose I was afraid that you would try and stop me."

A little softened by her confession, Luke felt it was only fair to be candid in return. "I probably would have," he admitted. He had loved her so much, and would have tried to convince her that he would have let her lead her own life when, if he was honest with himself, he would never have been able to do. "But your note left something to be desired," he added feebly.

"I know," Mara admitted. "I knew you would be worried, I should have let you know, somehow, that I was okay. I regret that – not the leaving itself, mind," she clarified. "Just the manner of it."

"Is that all?" he asked.

"I don't know what else to say," she said plainly. "Other than I'm sorry, and to ask your forgiveness."

Luke searched his feelings for any further resentment. He'd already known what she'd told him on some level, but he'd been happy to hear it. He should still hate her, but it just wasn't in him to carry around bitterness – he knew the danger of it. He didn't bear her any ill will, and it meant a lot to him that she apologised – Mara Jade, who never admitted she was wrong, asking him for his absolution.

"I do," he said, and managed a smile. It felt like closure.

Mara noticeably relaxed. "I've tried to be honest with you, Luke," she said. "And I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't hoping..."

Luke felt anxiety twist in his heart. "For what?"

"Before, I used you because I needed you," she confessed. "I thought with time and distance that anything I felt for you would vanish – and prove to myself that leaving was the right thing, because those feelings were never genuine." Her unease disappeared entirely, and she became very intent. "But that's not true – and that's why I came back. I may not need you anymore, Luke...but I want you."

She reached for his hand, and he instinctively pulled away. Very unsettled, he rose from the bench and out of her reach. "I have to go," he told her stiltedly. He turned his back and began to walk away, but her voice called out to him again, no less sure than it had been before.

"I wasn't lying," she said, but he did not turn around. "When I said I loved you. I did – I still do." Her force sense reached out for his, searching for any break in his emotions. But there was none, and she withdrew. "I don't expect you to return it," she continued hurriedly. "But I just...thought you ought to know."

But Luke did not answer, and walked away from her without looking back.

* * *

><p>Han Solo didn't like to get involved. His specialty was to sit on the sidelines, make quips and occasionally, give veiled advice. He did not like to act as an intermediary, nor did he attempt to seek people out and mend fences. It wasn't his style. But when he saw Mara Jade seated at a spaceport bar, quietly drinking, he couldn't help but approach her. Luke, of course, had mentioned her return, although he hadn't said much about why she had come back, although she had tried to explain why she left. From the sounds of it, it hadn't been too convincing. Or perhaps it had, and Luke was just keeping his cards close to his chest. The kid had always been a shrewd sabacc player, after all.<p>

Han took a seat next to Mara at the bar. "Hey there, Jade."

Mara grimaced and took another sip from her drink. "Solo."

"This seat taken?" he asked.

"Isn't it customary to ask that before you plonk yourself into it?" she countered. "But no, it's not."

"Great." Han signalled to the bartender. "I'll have the same as the lady," he said to him.

"So I'm a lady?" Mara seemed amused.

"Just trying to be polite."

Mara snorted. "Since when?"

"Point taken," he smiled. The bartender placed a drink in from to him, and Han sniffed it experimentally.

Mara glanced at him sideways and exhaled harshly. "If you wanted to know what I was drinking, why didn't you just ask?"

Han took a sip from the drink – no alcohol, he noted with relief. "Maybe I thought I wouldn't get an honest answer."

Without responding, Mara put her drink back on the counter and pushed it away distastefully. "Why don't you just get it over with, then."

"What?"

"Your rant, or lecture, or warning, or whatever it is you came over here to say," she replied.

Han took a large gulp of his drink, swirling the liquid around in his mouth to avoid answering. He had been intending on launching into a rather nasty diatribe about what she had done to Luke, and yes, he had been intending on telling her to stay the hell away from his brother. But somehow, he felt the words didn't need to be said.

"Are you moving back to Coruscant, then?" he asked, and he saw Mara visibly relax, as if relieved he was planning to avoid the subject entirely. "I keep an eye on the trade sheets," he explained further, "and saw your name on the new company listings."

"I've done all I can in the 'Rim," Mara replied. "Thought I might as well move back to where all the action is."

Han nodded. "It's difficult, after being away so long to break back into the market. It takes a lot of work."

"I know," Mara agreed, and picked up her drink again. "But the reward is worth the effort."

Han chose his words carefully. "You might expect some strong resistance, at first," he told her. "But perseverance is the most important thing. You'll be fine, Jade."

Mara almost smiled, and nodded in thanks.

Gulping down the last of his drink, Han threw some credits on the bar and rose to leave.

"Wait, Solo," Mara stopped him.

Han turned back to face her, and saw Mara grip her glass a little too tightly, her eyes downcast. "Should I can expect a late call from your wife wielding a lightsaber?" She was only half-joking.

Han chuckled softly. "Probably," he told her. "But I'll give you a heads up."

Mara smiled. "Thanks, Solo."

Continuing to chuckle, Han left the bar. He didn't think he would have to get any more involved with this one – he could just sit back and watch it all unfold.


	29. Chapter 28

The solemn grounds of Coruscant's memorial park contained rows and rows of monuments to the dead. Many of the small, compact boxes in the high marble walls had plants growing out of them, holos of family, or flowers placed next to the plaques. But the one Mara Jade had come to see was blank, apart from the name printed into the metal. _Talon Karrde_.

It was the way he would have wanted it – to Mara the uncluttered plaque did not represent neglect of his memory, because she kept that with her always. Karrde would have found flowers and sentiment worthless – it was _how_ she remembered him that mattered. She no longer made herself forget – she accepted the pain his loss had caused her, and continued to cause her. But she also remembered the good times they had shared together, and the role he'd had in shaping her life. Because while Luke had finally helped her break free from the Emperor's hold on her, it had been Talon who had ensured she'd been open enough to let Luke help her at all. Without Talon, she wouldn't have given a second thought to murdering Luke the moment she'd come into contact within him. It was the loyalty Talon had inspired in her which had stayed her hand, the difference in viewpoint he had exposed her to which meant she was finally able to accept Luke's account of the Emperor's death as the truth.

It was funny, really, that she'd always thought of herself as supremely independent and yet it was three men that had utterly shaped her life. It had really only been in the past few years, out on the 'Rim, that she'd become her own woman. She'd had the clarity of distance, enough to come to understand that while she _could_ exist completely on her own, she no longer wanted to. And it was her decision, with no influence from any of those three men who had so influenced all of her decisions before.

Mara traced the letters of Talon's name, but her reverie was broken by the sound of approaching footsteps. She did not turn, but soon a familiar form appeared in her peripheral vision.

"Hello Lando," she greeted him evenly.

"Mara," he nodded. She risked a glance at him and saw that he regarded her thoughtfully, with no trace of his usual charming smile. He cleared his throat and looked towards Talon's plaque. "I was walking past..." he started to explain, but trailed off somewhat lamely. "How are you?" he asked seriously.

"Fine...good," she corrected herself. "Yourself?" She cringed inwardly at the stilted conversation.

"I am doing very well, thank you" he replied, unusually formal. There was a long pause before he added; "I got out of Kessel."

"Oh." She had, of course, severed their business relationship, and hoped that he had not suffered because of that.

"Turned out not to be profitable enough," Lando continued, perhaps sensing her discomfort. "At least through legal channels."

"Oh." She wasn't sure what else to say.

"Always looking into new ventures, though" he turned back to her, smiling. "Maybe some real estate."

"I'm sorry things didn't work out," Mara told him, knowing he would understand her meaning. "I am."

"Hey," he grinned, showing the white flash of his teeth. "You win some, you lose some. I'm just glad you sorted everything out. You look good, Mara," he added.

She finally returned his smile, feeling more at ease. "I would say the same to you, but I see you still favour those ridiculous capes," she teased.

He swished the ends of his cape dramatically and laughed. "I would take offence, my dear, were you not sporting what I can only imagine are the latest fashions from the Outer Rim." But his smile faded somewhat as he glanced back at Talon's plaque, once again serious. "Have you seen Luke?" he asked, his tone artificially light.

Mara bristled. "Yes." Of course, she had expected Luke to treat her as he had, and, as she knew, deserved, but his coldness had still hurt. She glanced at Lando. "You seem surprised."

"It's just...he hadn't mentioned anything," Lando told her. "But I suppose he wouldn't."

Not wishing to discuss it, Mara didn't respond. She'd thought she'd had a handle on her emotions, had learned to cope with the foreign concept of unrequited love, but she had realised that loving someone from afar and knowing that you could not be together was quite different from being in the same city as someone you loved, knowing that they wanted nothing to do with you. She had underestimated the pain such proximity could cause.

"I hope things work out for you, Mara," Lando continued when she didn't say anything. "I...I couldn't imagine not having a friend like Luke." He put a warm hand on her shoulder and squeezed it lightly for the briefest of moments, then turned to leave.

"Thanks, Lando," she called after him, glancing over her shoulder to where he had paused, mid-step. "And I really am sorry."

He nodded. "I know," he said, gave her a small smile, and then left.

* * *

><p>Mara walked through the polished white hallways of the former Imperial Palace, now the centre of the New Republic government. She had spent many years walking through those halls in her former life as the Emperor's Hand, but back then, she had been so sure of her position. She hadn't heeded anyone who passed her. But she had changed, and now felt as if everyone was watching her, knew who she was, and judging her. But she forced herself to cast off such thoughts – to once again become a person who didn't give a damn about what anyone else thought. So she held her head high, and entered the offices of New Republic Intelligence.<p>

It wasn't long before she found her target. At a desk covered with flimis, datadiscs and various stationary items, was Ghent. He was staring intently at his computer screen, headphones over his years and did not immediately notice her approach. She smiled indulgently and clicked her fingers in front of his face.

Ghent jumped and pulled off his headphones hurriedly.

"Mara?" he asked, almost as if he did not believe what he was seeing.

"Hello Ghent."

He laughed. "Hi."

Mara perched herself on the edge of his desk.

"Never thought I'd see you as a government shill," she teased him.

Ghent grinned. "Well the pay isn't great," he told her with a shrug of the shoulders. "But I feel like I'm…you know…" he gestured with his hands airily "…contributing to peace and order and all that."

"And all that," Mara smiled. "You mean they let you play hologames while at work."

"Maybe," Ghent laughed. But his smiled faded slightly and became more serious. "Things weren't the same at the Organisation, anyway."

"I've heard Aves is doing well." Mara tried to hide the note of pain in her voice thinking about Aves in control of Talon's organisation. Of course he was capable, and the close watch she had kept on the trade sheets had shown he'd kept the good name of the company. But still, Mara knew it wouldn't be the same there without Talon.

"You bet," Ghent agreed. "But…"

"I know what you mean."

"I think Talon always wanted me to…do more, somehow," Ghent continued. He looked up at Mara worriedly, as if expecting her to balk at hearing Karrde's name. But she didn't. She had learned to look back fondly, and no longer be afraid of hearing the name spoken.

"I think," Ghent continued, "I think he always believed in the New Republic, no matter what he said."

Mara was surprised at his insight. Ghent was not the introverted, oblivious young man shed once known.

"I'm glad you're doing well, Ghent," she told him fondly. She wanted to talk with him further, but her assistant, Tanner, appeared at her shoulder.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, Mara," she said in his low voice, and nodded to Ghent in greeting. "But your appointment."

"Of course. Thank you Tanner," she replied. "I'm sorry, Ghent, I have to go."

"Thanks for coming to see me Mara," he smiled with genuine pleasure.

Mara nodded, and straightened herself as she stood up. "Anytime."

* * *

><p>"So, how long are you planning on staying?" Leia looked at him over the rim of her stim-tea.<p>

Luke took a sip of his own drink and tilted his head in consideration. "Until I finish my caf, at least," he replied with good humour.

Leia gave him that unamused stare. "You know what I mean."

"As long as I like, I suppose. The Academy doesn't need such a firm hand anymore," he continued in seriousness. "Why, trying to get rid of me already?"

"Of course not." Leia tilted back in her chair. "I hardly get time to see you when you are here and you had to meet me in this caf-stop in the Senate Chambers. I would love for you to stay on Coruscant longer, it's just..." She let out a heavy sigh. "I wonder if there is another reason."

"And what would that be?" Luke asked lightly.

"Mara Jade."

Luke put down his caf. "Look, Leia, she's got nothing to do with this. I just needed a break-"

"No, Luke," Leia cut him off, and nodded behind him. "Mara Jade is over there."

He whipped around. And indeed, there was Mara across the foyer, chatting with a male Twi'lek in Senatorial robes and a dark-skinned young man. Luke recognised the second as Tanner, who he had encountered a few times in the past but had no idea he had still been in contact with Mara. But then, he barely knew anything about Mara anymore – he hadn't seen her since their encounter in the Imperial Gardens.

"What is Aii Alom doing with her?" Leia asked, indicating the Twi'lek.

"Who's he?"

"Minister for Health. Odd." Leia furrowed her brow.

_Minister for Health?_ Luke wondered what the two could possibly have to discuss. As far as he was aware, (and only because Han had mentioned it in passing) Mara was doing well in re-establishing her trading business on Coruscant. He could think of no reason for her to need to speak with the Health Minister.

"Perhaps it is a private matter," he mused aloud, and turned back to face his sister.

"I should go over there and give her a talking to." Leia's lip twitched in distaste.

"Leia."

"What?" She was nonplussed. "She broke your heart, Luke. What makes you think she'll get any sympathy from me?"

Luke smiled. "As much as I appreciate you defending my honour, I would prefer you not to make a scene." He paused. "Everyone makes mistakes," he added softly.

"Hers were pretty big ones. And most of them avoidable."

"Come on, Leia," he sighed. "She didn't set out deliberately to hurt me."

"Are you sure?"

"She was sick," Luke insisted.

Leis shook her head in disbelief. "I can't believe you're still defending her. I know it is in your nature, Luke, but...it's like she has some kind of hold over you."

"That's not the case," he insisted. "It's hard to explain, especially in such a public place." Luke cast a furtive glance around him, always on the lookout for sludgenews reporters. But the caf-spot was almost empty, and the foyer it opened onto too large and filled with bustling life forms too absorbed in their own business to notice them.

"But to be honest," he continued after assuring himself that it was safe, "despite all of the problems we had, all of the heartache..." he glanced behind him again to get another brief glance at Mara. He was heartened to see her looking so healthy, so sure of herself again. "There was a time there..." he turned back to Leia, "...where I was happy."

Leia visibly softened, and reached across the table to take his hand. "I know."

"You know, sometimes I really envy what you and Han have together." He looked down, allowing his hair to fall into his eyes and obstruct his vision. "I'm loathe to admit it, ashamed to even feel it, really. And I know it wasn't easy, and yet...you still made it. It worked out so well for you." He looked back up at Leia and saw the anguish in her eyes. He smiled, trying to reassure her. "Don't feel sorry for me, Leia, please. I don't think I could stand it."

Leia bit her lip, obviously clamping down on whatever she really wanted to say. She obviously knew he didn't want platitudes or reassurances, or apologies. "Are you going to go over and talk to her?" She couldn't, however, quite remove the disapproval from her tone.

But Luke knew without turning around that Mara had already left.

* * *

><p>The <em>Talon <em>was docked at the far end of the spaceport, although Luke didn't have any trouble finding it. Mara appeared to be making repairs to the underside as Luke approached, with Tanner hovering nearby making notes on a datapad. He was the first to see Luke, and stopped tapping immediately, folding his arms and clearing his throat.

"Master Skywalker," he greeted Luke in even tones.

"Tanner," Luke nodded back at him, noticing that Mara immediately stopped her work, but did not come out from the underbelly of the craft. "Mara?" He tilted his head slightly, trying to get a glimpse of her reaction.

"It is good to see you again, Master Skywalker." Tanner stepped ever so slightly to his right, blocking Luke's view.

Luke found the words hard to believe – Tanner had always treated him with a mild disinterest. But he understood the purpose of small talk.

"How are you, Tanner?" he asked pleasantly.

"I am well, as always."

At that moment Mara got out from under the ship, wiping her hands on a rag and clapped Tanner on the shoulder. She nodded and Tanner gave Luke an ever-so-slight bow. "If you will excuse me." He turned on his heel and walked up the gangway of the ship.

"Hello, Skywalker," Mara addressed him, and Luke surmised that it was either nervousness or surprise that made her fall back to his old nickname. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Luke found himself suddenly unsure, knowing what he wanted to say, but at a loss of how to say it. Mara looked at him expectantly, and Luke found his gaze wandering to the sleek hull of the ship.

"She's a beauty," Luke indicated the _Talon_. "A SoroSuub 3000?"

Mara nodded. "With a few of my own modifications."

"Of course."

There was a moment's silence. Finally, Mara gave a tilt of her head; "Would you like to look inside?"

Luke agreed eagerly, and followed her into the ship. Mara took him for a brief tour, pointing out the various alterations she'd made, and they chatted amicably on the safe topic of ships until they reached the galley.

"Caf?" Mara asked, somewhat hesitantly, but Luke nodded in assent and took a seat at the small table, allowing silence to descend as she prepared the beverages, which continued while they sat together, sipping from their respective mugs.

It was not a companionable silence, and finally Luke spoke up; "I saw you with Aii Alom the other day." He attempted to sound conversational but it sounded trite even to his own ears. But he pressed on regardless. "Is NR Health looking to trade?"

Mara bit her lip and kept her eyes locked on her caf. "No, this was a personal matter."

"Oh – I understand," he replied, not wishing to press her.

"It's not a secret," Mara sighed, shrugging her shoulders, "You'll find out anyway," she seemed to say almost to herself. "I've agreed to assist NR Health with one of their campaigns," she looked up and met his gaze challengingly. "They've just set up an anti-spice unit – a small subsection of their office, really, to generate funding for better public rehabilitation facilities, education about the difference between recreational use and dangerous use, that sort of thing."

Luke wasn't sure how to respond – it was certainly the last thing he'd expected her business with Aii Alom to be about.

"I know, it doesn't sound like something I'd do, right?" The corner of her mouth twitched upward in a half-smile. "I originally just wanted to make an anonymous donation, but I guess I felt like I could do more – that I _should_ do more." She played with the rim of her mug. "Karrde did leave me a large amount of credits in his will, after all. And my business out in the 'Rim has been more than profitable."

So it was an act of penance, Luke surmised. "I never took you for the type to get into politics."

"I'm not," she said quickly. "But something like this does need a public face. Everyone who reads sludgenews knows all the sordid details of my fall from grace," she added bitterly.

"And it would give hope to those in a similar situation to see that you've climbed back up," Luke guessed.

"Something like that."

Luke nodded, unsure of what to say – that he was proud of her? That just sounded patronising. So he decided on the safe option. "It sounds like you've got things sorted out."

"I have," she told him. "So you don't have to worry about me," she said with a shy smile.

Is that why he'd come? To reassure himself that she really was okay, that her life was indeed back on track? Perhaps. But if that was all, he could leave, satisfied that she was fine, but somehow, he felt there was still unfinished business. He just wasn't sure what.

"How are things at the Academy?" Mara asked when the silence threatened to become overwhelming.

Luke was relieved to get back to a safer topic. "Excellent," he told her. "We've got a good crop of new students, and a few of the older ones are ready to take on apprentices."

"I'm glad," Mara said, and her words seemed genuine. "You've achieved so much, Luke, you should be proud of that."

It was strange to hear such praise from Mara, and it buoyed Luke's confidence. "You're always welcome there, Mara," he told her. "If you wanted to continue your training."

Mara's cast her eyes down, and noticeably gripped her caf a little tighter. "No," she said softly, and Luke found himself strangely relieved. "I don't think that's the path for me," she looked back up at him and there was almost a longing in her gaze. "Not anymore."

It was a reminder that the path of a Jedi was entwined, at least in her mind, to him. They were one in the same, and she did not want to pursue one if she could not have the other. Luke swallowed heavily, uncomfortable under her gaze. Was this how she had felt when he had looked at her with affection and yearning and she had not reciprocated his feelings? Mara had once told him that she wasn't sure she could give him what he wanted, but he'd been heedless of that declaration, and had pressed her into trying. The memory reminded him that he had not been blameless in what had happened between them.

"I should go," he told her, and made to stand, but Mara put a hand on his arm.

"Wait, Luke," she stopped him. "Please."

He obliged, returning to his seat and Mara withdrew her hand. She took a deep breath, as if steeling herself. "I know...before," she began, "that I said I was sorry for leaving like I did. But I should have apologised for everything before that as well." She took another long pause, as if choosing the right words. "You helped me even when I wanted to kill you," she eventually continued, "offered me friendship when I did nothing but insult you, trained me even when I held your Academy in contempt and...you loved me when I did nothing to deserve it."

"Mara..."

"No, let me say this," she insisted. "You were there for me every step of the way – I mean, you literally _cleaned up_ after me when I was sick, even after I'd broken your heart. And then..." her gaze lowered again to the tabletop. "Then you opened yourself up to me again, and I betrayed that trust – even if it was for the right reasons," she was quick to add. "You gave and gave yourself to me and I did nothing but take." She looked back up at him, and he could see the honesty in her eyes. "And I'm sorry for that - truly."

Luke nodded, unsure of what else to say.

"I just want you to know how much you meant to me," Mara added. "And that I'm always here...if...if you need anything."

Luke was touched by her words, although he almost could not believe she was speaking them. She _had_ changed, he realised.

Perhaps realising the tension and Luke's reluctance to respond, Mara laughed dismissively. "I mean," she shrugged, "even if you need a lift offworld or something..."

"Thank you, Mara," he said finally.

She smiled in what seemed like relief. "I have something for you." She rose and disappeared out of the galley, returning a few minutes later with a lightsaber in her hand. He recognised the hilt instantly as his father's.

She placed the lightsaber on the table before him. "You once gave this to me, once, offering friendship," she explained. "I thought it was about time I returned it."

Luke ran a hand over the hilt of the blade, that enduring symbol of redemption. His fingers clasped around it, and he felt the comforting weight in his hand. He rose, and met Mara's apprehensive gaze; clearly she was unsure how he would react to the gesture.

Again, he was uncertain of what to say, and so chose silence. His free hand, almost of its own accord, lifted and he gently brushed the back of his fingers against her jaw-line. He saw something in her eyes flicker, almost imperceptibly in response. He leaned in and pressed a brief, chaste kiss to her cheek, which he hoped conveyed his appreciation and acceptance of the words he knew it must have cost her pride dearly to say.

Then he put his father's lightsaber in the pocket of his robe and left.


	30. Chapter 29

_Oon Tiel, one year later_

"This open hearing of the Oon Tiel Parole Board is now in session. "

Luke snapped to attention, surveying the scene in front of him. He was seated in the upper gallery of the hearing room, among the general public and holopress who had come to witness the event. The room was full of onlookers – after all, such a high profile criminal always drew a crowd. He glanced uncomfortably at the reporters and holographers who were clumped on his right side, and tugged on his false beard nervously. He had disguised his appearance, not wishing to be recognised and hounded, but such camouflage always made him uneasy.

Luke looked down into the main arena at the man who had spoken a few moments previously, one of the five judges who were seated at a long table at the front of the room. A small group of secretaries and typists were clumped to one side, and in front of the judges was a small table where a man sat quietly, facing them down.

"First order of business," the primary judge continued, "parole hearing of Raith Nadon, convicted of terrorism, kidnapping, assault and five counts of murder."

Luke's fists clenched involuntarily at the sight of him. He had never before seen Raith Nadon in person, only heard a description of him from Mara, however, strangely, he did not seem to have the look of a terrorist and killer. Prison had obviously been hard on him, his face pale and emaciated, his eyes hollowed, his gaze steady, but somehow lifeless. Luke, however, refused to pity him.

Finally, his gaze rested on Mara, who was seated in the main gallery several rows from the front – seats reserved for those involved in that day's agenda. He wanted to reach out to her through the Force, to provide some comfort or support, but knew that it was not the right moment. As difficult as things were between them, he hadn't been able to keep away, although he promised himself not to let Mara know that he had come. He wasn't sure if she would take it the right way, perhaps thinking that he had come in case she decided to act drastically – after all, the man who had murdered Talon was being considered for parole a mere four years after the crime. But, if he was honest with himself, part of his reason for remaining hidden was that he just didn't feel up to a confrontation with her.

Besides, she had not come alone. He recognised the dark-skinned man seated at her side as Tanner, her second in command. They were talking quietly together, and Luke noticed he had placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. Briefly, Luke wondered if there was anything between them, but forcefully pushed that thought from his mind. It was certainly none of his business if there was.

It had been close to a year since their last meeting on her ship, when she had returned his father's lightsaber and they had parted on good terms. There hadn't been, however, any rekindling of their past friendship, although they crossed paths from time to time and were able to converse as known, if indifferent, acquaintances. In fact, their interaction almost mirrored the days after the Thrawn crisis, when they saw each other only seldom and even those meeting were anything but comfortable. But he lived in hope that they could eventually become friends again, once they had the time, at least.

He blamed that partly on his constant work at the Academy and her seemingly full schedule, juggling the integration of her trading business into the Inner Rim and acting as an advisor to the New Republic Department of Health's campaign against addictive drugs. She'd received a fair bit of flak from the sludgenews for her support of that campaign, and of course all of the old stories and holos had resurfaced, but surely she had expected that, and Luke had been proud of her courage to withstand the bad press.

He had of course been pestered by the press about the story, although the advantage of being on Yavin 4 was that he was mostly out of their reach. They were strict with the admittance of ships into Academy space, and had the government's support in order to protect the fledgling Jedi from interference from the sludgenews. He'd not heard anything further about the Bothan Ashk who'd exposed Mara initially, and Luke guessed that his lack of involvement meant that he had left Coruscant. He wondered whether that had been Han's doing. Still, there had been others, and Luke had not commented on his past relationship with Mara or any continuing association with her as he's been pressed to do, but had made a simple statement of support to the NR Health initiative.

From what Leia had told him, the campaign was working and Luke wasn't surprised. There were so many who found the endless preaching from health officials tedious and unconvincing but to see someone like Mara, who had suffered from the same additions and reclaimed her life had obviously inspired many to seek treatment.

Luke shook himself out of his reverie when he realised that Nadon was speaking – it was time for him to plead his case.

"...I am truly sorry for everything I did," Nadon was saying, his voice contrite. He certainly sounded full of regret, although Luke wasn't sure how sincere it was.

"Please believe that if I truly understood what I was doing I never would have acted in that way," he continued, bowing his head. "I was a spice addict – I was so controlled by the addiction that I had no concept of reality. And because of that I was influenced by the wrong people, and allowed myself to believe that the whole world was out to destroy us." His voice broke and he stopped for a few moments, as if trying to compose himself.

The presiding judge looked affected. "If you need a break, Mr Nadon..."

"No," Nadon raised his head, wiping tears from his eyes. "No, I can continue."

Luke glanced briefly at Mara, and saw her roll her eyes – she clearly wasn't buying Nadon's contrition. Tanner look similarly unmoved, although that appeared to be his general demeanour.

"The spice made me delusional - at the time I thought it was self-preservation," Nadon continued. "I was convinced that the offworlders and our government were colluding to destroy us. I know now that I was wrong." He looked each of the judges in the eyes before continuing. "I have done terrible things – I committed treason against my own government. I hurt and killed innocent people, but I say to you now that I was not of sound mind. No one regrets those deaths more than I do, and their lives will always be on my conscience. That is my penance, and my punishment."

"Thank you, Mr Nadon," the primary judge spoke up. "The crimes for which you have been tried and convicted are serious. You have taken the lives of your fellow citizens, both of Oon Tiel and the New Republic, and this board is most reluctant to grant you parole after serving only four years of your sentence, despite your evident regret. However, we believe that your prison psychologist wishes to speak on your behalf."

Nadon sat back down at his table, and a man from the main galley stepped forward and walked towards the front of the crowd. A small barricade separated the seated rows of onlookers from Nadon and the table of judges, however a podium had been placed just behind it, and this was where the man stopped.

"Your honours, thank you," he spoke, placing his hands firmly on each side of the podium, his voice clear and commanding. "My name is Atos Vulgarin, and I have been working with prisoner Nadon for close to two years. In that time, I have come to believe that he is fully rehabilitated - and indeed is not the same man who committed those horrible crimes."

Luke glanced back to Mara again, who was speaking quietly with Tanner again. She seemed composed enough, but Luke could see that her hands her clenched tightly in her lap – she was worried. For the briefest of instants, Luke wished that he was the one beside her, so that he could hold her hand, make her feel at ease. He almost reached out to her through the Force, however immediately decided against doing so, as it would alert her to his presence and he didn't want to rattle her further.

"Nadon was so affected by his addition to spice that the thought of it being taken away or denied to him was akin to a death sentence – or so his mind believed," Vulgarian was saying. "He truly thought that he could not survive without it, and would do anything to maintain his access to it. From his point of view at the time, his actions were self-defence."

_A certain point of view_. Oh, how Luke hated that expression.

"Long-term addiction to spice altered Nadon's brain chemistry," Vulgarian continued. "It reduced human empathy and attachment, made him numb to the concept of causing pain to others."

"And it is your opinion that this excuses murder?" one the judges asked sceptically.

"No," Vulgarin replied. "Certainly not. It is my opinion that Mr Nadon, who has now overcome his addition, no longer poses a risk to society. Now free from the spice, he should not continue to be punished for the actions over which he had no control."

"Thank you, Mr Vulgarin, you may be seated." The primary judge studied his datapad for a few moments. "It appears that we have a victim impact statement. Miss Jade, please come forward."

Surprised, Luke saw Mara walk solemnly to the podium – he did not realise that she had elected to speak. To her credit, Mara stood straight and tall, and did not react to the dozens of holographers who snapped her picture.

"Miss Jade," the primary judge addressed her, "we understand that you were a friend of the deceased Talon Karrde."

"That is correct," Mara replied, but her voice did not betray any of the anxiety Luke was sure she must be feeling. "And what that guy said," she jerked a thumb in the direction of Vulgarin, "was a load of shavit."

"Miss Jade," the primary judge said warningly, as the crowd twittered – Luke even heard a few chuckles from the holopress.

"I apologise, your honours," Mara said, "but don't believe a word that Nadon has said."

Luke looked at Nadon, who was seated facing away from the podium, his back ramrod straight, his face impassive. He betrayed no emotion, and it was impossible to tell whether he was even listening to Mara's testimony.

"I was there the day that Nadon and his gang attacked the Embassy," Mara continued. "He knew exactly what he was doing, and was motivated only by greed. He killed...he killed Talon Karrde because he wanted to, because Talon tried to stop them, and save others." She blinked harshly, but gave no other outward sign of distress, although Luke's heart broke for her. He knew how keenly she must still feel Karrde's death, and how difficult it would be for her to speak those words.

"The spice didn't force him to do anything – he had a choice," she continued. "And I know that, because..." she took a deep breath, and looked directly at the panel. "Because I know what it is like to suffer from addiction. I know what it is like to think that you'll die if you don't get another hit, when you'll do anything to make sure you do. I've done horrible things because of spice," she told them. "I've hurt people who cared about me, damaged relationships beyond repair and I wish now that I hadn't acted that way. But I can't just pretend that I didn't have the choice – that I wasn't responsible for everything I did, and everyone I hurt, because I was. I made the choice to keep using. I could have asked for help, but I didn't. We choose our own paths...and we have to live with the consequences."

There were several moments of silence – there was not a sound in the entire room. Even the press had stopped taking holographs and tapping notes into datapads. As for Luke, he couldn't help but feel pride and astonishment at Mara's bravery. It was so unlike her to share so much of herself and to show such vulnerability, especially in front of a room of strangers and press.

The panel of judges looked similarly moved. "Thank you, Miss Jade," the primary judge told her. "We will take all comments are advisement and make our decision after a short recess."

Luke watched as Mara nodded, turned on her heel and stalked out of the room.

* * *

><p>Tanner cursed his back luck. He'd been on his way back to the <em>Talon<em> and decided to take a shortcut to the spaceport through one of Oon Tiel's numerous bars. What he hadn't counted on, however, was Jedi Master Luke Skywalker being in that particular bar. He was disguised, but Tanner could see right through such deception. Squaring his shoulders, Tanner kept walking, and hoped that Skywalker wouldn't notice him.

"Tanner!"

Bad luck, indeed. He changed direction to where Skywalker was seated, alone at one of the tables, a half-finished drink in front of him. "Master Skywalker," he greeted him solemnly.

"Tanner," Skywalker repeated. "Thought that was you." He took a sip of his drink and gestured to an empty seat.

The last thing Tanner wanted to do was join Skywalker in his drinking. "I really must get back to the _Talon_."

"Pfft." Luke waved his hand is dismissal. "You can join me in a drink, can't you? Mara will understand. Oh." He seemed to remember his appearance, running a hand over his stubbled chin. "It's me, by the way."

Tanner sighed and, relenting, took a seat. "Yes, I know, Master Skywalker."

Skywalker laughed, and Tanner could see that he was slightly inebriated. "Good news about the decision eh?" Skywalker said, before taking another sip of his ale.

"Indeed," Tanner nodded. "Trader Jade was most pleased to see the parole request denied. As was I."

Skywalker signalled a passing waitress; "Another drink please, and one for my friend."

Tanner held up a halting hand. "No, thank you, I do not imbibe."

"Oh," Skywalker's brow furrowed. "A caf then?"

"No, thank you."

Skywalker shrugged. "Just one then please, Miss." After the waitress had left, Skywalker turned to him quizzically. "Tanner...is that a first name or a last name?"

Tanner cleared his throat and didn't answer, searching for an escape from the conversation.

"You don't like me very much, do you Tanner?" Skywalker observed.

"I neither like you nor dislike you, Master Skywalker," Tanner told him impassively. "In fact I have no strong feelings on you either way."

"I see." Skywalker was silent for a few moments until the waitress returned with his ale. He drained the rest of his glass and gave it to her in exchange. She flashed him a flirtatious smile – one, Tanner noticed – he did not return. "Maybe you'd like me if you got to know me."

"And why would I want to do that?" Tanner asked. He knew from the little he had observed that the Jedi was amiable and well-liked, and it perhaps seemed odd that someone would not immediately warm to him, but Tanner felt no need to get to know him. For one, he did not believe that Skywalker had been good for Mara – it was during her relationship with him, after all, that she had fallen prey to her addiction. And while he knew that the Jedi had also helped her overcome it, Tanner thought him foolish for not realising the situation sooner.

All too well he remembered Mara's state when they had first set out for the Outer Rim – her utter despair and loneliness in her new life. While she had barely spoken of Luke the entire time, Tanner could see that she felt a deep attachment to him, one that had only strengthened when they had returned.

Skywalker shrugged. "I consider Mara to be my friend," he said. "It makes sense to be friends...with her friends..." He furrowed his brow, clearly realising the sentence hadn't quite worked out the way he'd perhaps hoped.

"You are...friends...with Mara?" Tanner queried.

"I'd like to think so."

"Yet you come here, disguised, so that she doesn't know?" Tanner questioned.

Skywalker shifted uncomfortably. "I didn't want to distract her."

Tanner sighed. "Master Skywalker, can I give you some advice."

"Sure."

Tanner leaned forward to ensure that he had Skywalker's full attention. "I know that you care about Mara, Master Skywalker," he told him earnestly. "But she is still in love with you, and your desire to recapture the friendship you once shared may only give her false hope."

Skywalker looked like he wanted to interject, but Tanner put up a hand to silence him. "Either you want to be with her, or you don't," he said simply. "And if you don't, let her move on. For now, I believe that is how it has to be – one day that may change, I don't know. But that is my opinion."

Nodding, Skywalker slumped back in his chair. "I see." He took another drink, looking forlorn. "I'm glad that she had someone there for her today," he said eventually, and Tanner could see the gratitude in his eyes. He was sorry to cause Skywalker pain, as he honestly believed his intentions were good, but it was clear that no one else had dared to tell him what he needed to hear. Everyone was concerned with protecting the Jedi's feelings, and it made sense that he would have the utter loyalty and support of his friends and family. But Mara had no one except Tanner himself – no one to protect _her _feelings – and so Tanner needed to be the one to explain things to Skywalker. He didn't want to see Mara hurt again.

"I must bid you good evening, Master Skywalker," Tanner said as he rose. "May I suggest you refrain from ordering any more ale – it is not wise to drink alone."

Skywalker nodded. "Thanks...I suppose." But he pushed his glass away ever so slightly. "You, err...won't tell Mara that you saw me, will you?"

Tanner appraised Skywalker's dishevelled appearance and depressed countenance. "I will not," he agreed. He made to leave, but paused before doing so. "You understand, Master Skywalker, that I am only acting in what I believe are Mara's best interests."

"I know," Skywalker nodded, but did not look any less depressed. "Like I said, I'm glad that she has someone there for her."

It was clear that Skywalker suspected there was something more to Tanner's relationship with Mara than business and friendship. He was about to assure him that this was not the case, but stopped himself. It was not his place to assuage the Jedi's misplaced beliefs – and perhaps if he thought Mara had moved on, Skywalker would finally let go of her.

So Tanner left the Jedi to his drink, and returned to the _Talon_, and did not say a word to Mara about seeing Luke Skywalker.


	31. Chapter 30

_Corellia, one year later. _

Leia glared at the Human League guard as he sneered at her, careful not to convey any discomfort at her situation. It had almost become a routine – he would bring her food, she would demand access to the communications equipment, and he would mock her, while saying she could ask all she liked, but she "wasn't getting access to nothing." She wasn't sure what irritated her more – his unambiguous leer or his bad grammar.

"You can ask me again at dinner, if you like," he added laughingly as he took away her breakfast tray and plopped her lunch down next to her. "Oh, and you'll be getting a new cell mate – seems one of the other female prisoners had a fight with another and we gotta divide 'em up." He laughed again. "Hope that doesn't put you out too much," he added as he left the guest room which had become her cell, locking the door firmly behind him.

Knowing she needed to keep her strength up, Leia ate the rations which made up her lunch, turning the situation over in her mind, trying to think of a way to escape. But it seemed impossible – the Human League of Corellia had already blown up a star and were threatening to do the same to another if the New Republic didn't meet their demands. The ambassador was dead, and she had no idea where Han or her children were. She was alone.

The lock clicked again, and the Human League officer appeared, still grinning inanely. He shoved a woman into the room and slammed the door shut again. Leia stood, ready to greet her new companion, but shut her mouth immediately when the woman stepped into the light.

It was Mara Jade.

Leia was dumbstruck – she had heard that Mara was on Corellia for the trade summit, but had never expected to see her, as Mara could have no doubt on Leia's feelings towards her. True, it had been years since that awful business between Mara and Luke, but Leia Organa Solo didn't forget and she didn't forgive – not when it came to her family.

"Madam Chief of State," Mara said evenly, and nodded in acknowledgement.

"Mara Jade," Leia said coolly. Mara didn't reply, and crossed the room, as far away from Leia as possible, and seated herself on the floor, leaning against the wall. Leia sat back down and regarded the woman curiously.

"So you had a fight with your cellmate," Leia observed.

Mara shrugged. "It happens."

Diplomacy had never really been Mara Jade's style, Leia remembered – but it was hers. "I suppose it does," she answered coolly, and focussed her attention out the window. She could simply ignore her and go back to her quiet contemplation.

But Mara didn't seem to accept being ignored. "Look, Leia," she began, "we have to find a way to escape. I know you don't have any reason to trust me," she continued. "Especially since I'm the one that delivered that message cube-"

"I'm sorry?" Leia was confused. "The message from Thracken Sal-Solo was delivered by a trader named Tanner, who merely intercepted it by coincidence."

"A rather transparent ruse, I'm afraid, but the best I could come up with at the time," Mara told her and looked at Leia appraisingly. "Tanner works for me – I thought you would have figured that out."

Leia bristled at the implication. As if she had time to keep tabs on Mara Jade, and she certainly had no desire to watch the trade sheets, that was Han's area of interest...and Leia realised that Han probably had known who Tanner was, and had simply not told her. She supposed it was of no consequence, but would have thought her own husband would have mentioned it in passing.

Although, if she was honest with herself, the knowledge that Mara was involved would have raised her suspicions greatly. And for some reason, Han, she knew, still held out hope that Mara and Luke would work things out someday, Force only knew why. He thought Mara had been good for Luke, and had often said he had never known anyone who suited him as much as Mara had. Leia had always been quick to remind him of how deeply she had hurt Luke, and how much their relationship had damaged him. Around and around the argument had gone, and so eventually they simply agree to disagree. No doubt Han had kept Tanner's identity from her as a way of avoiding another discussion about Mara, something which Leia could appreciate. She'd have probably done the same if the situation had been reversed.

"Leia?" Mara's voice broke her out of her reverie, and Leia shook off what she realised must be a dazed look off her face.

"I'm sorry?" she asked.

"I was just saying that I know you have no reason to trust me," Mara repeated, "but if we have any hope of getting out of this place we're going to have to work together."

Leia signed in resignation. "Yes, I know."

* * *

><p><em>Bakura<em>

Gaeriel Captison Thanas sat in her garden, hands folded delicately in her lap, outwardly the picture of serenity and calm. Inside, of course, her thoughts were swirling. She often sat in her garden to think and compose herself, but that was extremely difficult to do when Luke Skywalker sat opposite her. He, too, looked completely at ease, however Gaeriel could imagine he felt just as uncomfortable as she.

"I shall take your proposal to the Prime Minister," she told him. "It will be her decision of course, but I will convey my support."

"Thank you, Gaeriel," Luke said warmly, in that same gentle tone she remembered so well. He glanced at the grey stone which marked her husband's ashes and cleared his throat. "And I am glad, that you found happiness...even if it was cut short."

Gaeriel followed his gaze and smiled sadly. "Sometimes the pain is worth it."

"And sometimes it's not," Luke replied, and there was a sad resignation in his tone.

Gaeriel cast her eyes downwards, feeling as if she was intruding on some private grief. But she had an inkling of what he was referring to. While she no longer held any romantic feelings for him, she had, out of idle curiosity, followed his activities over the years. His exploits were hard to avoid on the holonet, after all. But the scandal with Mara Jade had been at least...four years ago? She wouldn't have expected that he would still be carrying pain over it, although when she thought about it, she wasn't surprised. Luke was a man who felt things very deeply, that much she remembered.

"I don't remember you being so jaded," Gaeriel ventured carefully.

"Well, it's been a long time," he said forlornly.

She looked up, and caught his eye. "Yes it has."

He gave her a small smile of understanding. "We never would have worked out, would we?" he said whimsically. "You and me," he clarified.

She gave the matter due thought but eventually answered; "No. I don't think so." She unclasped her hands and then clasped them again nervously. "I cared about you deeply, Luke," she told him. "I still do. But I don't think we were meant for each other."

"You believe, then, that there is one person we're _meant_ to be with?" He glanced again at the marker stone, and then down at his hands.

"I don't know," Gaeriel answered truthfully. It hurt to see him so lost, and she wished that she could provide him with comfort, or advice. But all she had to offer was her faith.

"Do you remember once, I told you about the Balance?" she asked him after a long silence. Luke looked up and nodded, although he looked confused. "I used to think that it was about the whole galaxy – about good and evil and the suffering of one caused by the happiness of another."

"Yes," Luke replied cautiously. "I also remember you telling me that the Jedi upset the Balance."

"Well, you'll be pleased to know that I am not as...dogmatic as I once was," she told him, and gave him a small smile. "I've come to understand that the Jedi can play their part in the Balance – you've demonstrated that. I've also come to understand that the Balance is about individuals as much as it is about the galaxy."

"I don't understand." He furrowed his brow and gave her a curious look.

"I loved my husband very much," she continued. "He understood me, and I him, in a way I'd never known before – that was the Balance, as well. There was light and dark within us both, but we accepted that in one another and it felt right." She looked at Luke, right into his pale blue eyes. "So yes, I believe that there is one person out there that balances another."

"And we didn't balance," Luke nodded in understanding. "I think I knew that, deep down," he added. "Maybe that's why I never came back."

"I'm glad you've come back now," she told him honestly. "And I would tell you that I know your balance is out there, somewhere, and that you'll find her, but I'm afraid it might come across as condescending."

He gave a small chuckle. "That's okay – I'm used to it." But he sobered quickly, his amusement dissipating. "Truth is, I thought I had found it, once."

So he had truly been in love with Mara Jade, Gaeriel surmised. She didn't know much about Jade or whether she was Luke's balance or not, but it was clear to Gaeriel that one didn't carry so much sorrow for a relationship which had ended so long ago unless that love had been deep, and true. She knew that she would grieve her Pter for the rest of her life.

"And?" she couldn't help herself asking.

"And I was wrong." His mouth was set in a firm line, and she pitied the loss of his youthful hope.

"Even so, it still seems, forgive me, that you have not made your peace with it," she observed gently.

"Maybe not." He laughed again humourlessly, and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know why I'm telling you all this." He glanced up at her, and held her gaze intensely. "You always were easy to talk to." She couldn't break eye contact, and for a moment, she remembered what it had been like all those years ago, when he had looked at her with such intensity. The longing was still there, in his eyes, the desire for affection and love. But she knew, and she had known then, that it was misplaced when directed at her. Gaeriel looked away, and wiped a tear that had fallen from her cheek.

Luke looked away as well, cleared his throat, and stood. "I should be going."

"Of course." She rose, once again composed, and escorted him to the door. "It _was_ good to see you, Luke," she told him as she took his hand and kissed his cheek. "And I pray that you will find the Balance within yourself – and others."

He nodded, once, and left.

* * *

><p>Leia and Mara eyed each other across the cockpit of the <em>Talon<em>. They'd escaped from Corellia on Mara's ship, and had compromised on Selonia as their destination. But with no escape plan to focus on, or arguments over which planet to head for, there was nothing else for them to do than sit and wait for the _Talon_ to fly through space towards Selonia. Slowly.

But Leia had to admit to herself that watching the stars was getting boring. "So, Mara," she said to break the silence. "How is your trading business going?"

Mara gave a contemptuous laugh. "Ever the diplomat," she said. "Why don't you just say whatever you're trying so hard not to."

There was a note of apprehension in her voice, and Leia regarded her curiously. "Is that why you sent Tanner to deliver the message – you were afraid to face me?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Mara scoffed a little too quickly. "But if you do have something to say, I'd rather you just get it over with."

"Believe it or not Mara," Leia told her. "The galaxy does not revolve around you. I don't have anything to say to you."

"Fine," Mara shrugged. "Good."

They sat in silence for several more minutes, during which Leia noticed Mara becoming increasingly agitated.

"You know..." Mara spoke up eventually. "You know I never meant to hurt your brother."

Clearly, Leia surmised, Mara had been anxious to tell her that. Why, she wasn't sure. Leia knew that Luke had forgiven her for what she'd done, and they'd both moved on. At least, as far as Leia was aware, they barely saw each other, and even then only by coincidence. She wasn't sure why Mara would need to bring the matter up.

"That was years ago, Mara," Leia kept looking out the viewfield at the stars passing them.

"Even so," Mara added softly. "I wanted you to know that."

Leia felt a sudden urge of irritation, as old wounds opened themselves up. She recalled all too vividly how destroyed Luke was after she left, how used and unloved. How her own heart had broken at his unhappiness, and how useless she'd felt at being unable to comfort him.

"I really don't care what you want me to know, Mara" Leia told her with a hint of anger. "You may be sorry for what you did to Luke, but that doesn't change anything. You damaged him, Mara." Leia looked across at her accusingly. "And he may have recovered, he may have moved on, but he may never be that trusting again. I hope _you_ know _that_."

Mara looked away, clearly uncomfortable, and that didn't trouble Leia at all. There was another long silence, and Leia checked her chrono. There was still a long way to go.

"I did love him," Mara spoke up eventually, although her eyes were fixed, unwavering, on the viewscreen. "He saved my life – if not for him, I'd probably be dead in some spice pit somewhere. But not just for that – it was everything he was, and we were together...it was different. It was real."

Leia eyed her keenly, searching for any kind of deception in her tone, but it was clear that Mara was uncharacteristically speaking from the heart. She'd changed – was no longer the cold, repressed woman she'd been before.

"Then why did you leave?" Leia pressed, desperate for details. Luke had been so reluctant to share his pain with her, that she was a loss at what had actually happened between in the two of them. In Leia's mind, when you loved someone you fought for them, you stayed with them no matter the cost. That was the choice she had made, and had never regretted it.

Mara looked down at the control panel and absently tapped her fingers on the instruments. "I thought leaving would hurt him less," she said.

"Hurt you less, you mean," Leia couldn't help but interrupt.

"Both of us," Mara corrected herself. "And I suppose I was afraid of how much I loved him, how much I needed him." Mara took a shaky breath. "He helped me so much, and I was terrified of what might happen if I stayed. What if we got married and I was even more dependent on being with him? We live dangerous lives, there's higher odds than normal that he'd run out of luck and be killed by some Sith wannabe, or bounty hunter, or in a firefight…" She trailed off, and when she finally looked up Leia saw that there were tears in her eyes. "In losing him I would have fallen further than ever before. That's why I left," Mara said, and looked at Leia directly. "I needed to figure out how to cope – to live - on my own."

Unsure of what to say, Leia didn't say anything, although she found herself unnerved by Mara's unfamiliar show of emotion – was that vulnerability what Luke had seen, and tried to soothe? It was clear to Leia that Mara had loved her brother, which she had never truly believed before. She had loved him, and feared losing him, and so she had let him go.

Perhaps for the first time, Leia understood the reason why Mara had acted the way that she had. She would never agree with it, would never condone it, and could never quite forgive it, but Leia couldn't help but feel the slightest twinge of sympathy for Mara's situation.

"But as you say, it was years ago," Mara wiped her eyes and busied herself with the controls. "It doesn't matter anymore – we've both moved on."

"Yes." Leia watched her carefully. "I can see that."

Mara cleared her throat, and when she looked back at Leia, her expression was once again guarded. "So you're a Jedi, now," Mara looked at the lightsaber that hung at her side – the one Luke had given her before they'd set off for Corellia. "Congratulations," she added with a tight smile.

"Thank you." Leia patted the saber absently, remembering the rush of elation at sparring with Luke, at his proclamation of her Knighthood. Leia looked to Mara's side and noticed that her holster only held a blaster. "Do you longer carry a lightsaber?" she enquired.

"No," Mara said shortly. "It was Luke's saber, I…thought it right to return it." Mara looked down at her hands. "I…don't use the Force anymore."

"Oh?" That surprised Leia. Luke had told her that Mara was resistant to Jedi training, but Leia had always assumed that was because Mara thought she knew better. To hear she had abandoned use of the Force entirely was unusual.

"I left Luke because I didn't want to use his love as a crutch," Mara explained, eyes back on the viewfield. "The Force can be a crutch, too," she added. "So I thought it best to avoid it."

Leia appraised her for a few moments, feeling as if she'd learnt more about Mara Jade in the past five minutes than in the past eight years she'd known the woman. "Maybe," she said cautiously. "But you've put yourself in situations where you have been around spice so you know you can resist it, and you came back so you knew that you could be around Luke and not fear losing him, doesn't it stand to reason that you should also trust yourself to use the Force correctly?"

Mara turned back to her, open mouthed, as if she was surprised at Leia's insight. Then she closed her mouth, and nodded. "Okay," Mara half-laughed nervously after a few moments silence. "Why don't you tell me some of your secrets now, so I don't feel so embarrassed."

Leia found herself smiling. "What would you like to know?"


	32. Chapter 31

_Selonia_

Luke drummed his fingers on his knee in boredom or frustration – he wasn't sure which. Somehow, he, Han, Leia and Mara had all wound up on Selonia together, and while he was relieved to see them all, their Selonian hosts didn't seem to understand the urgency of the situation. He needed to be out there, doing his duty to the New Republic, not stuck in some Selonian compound where he was of no negotiating use. Particularly when he was stuck in said compound with Mara Jade.

She was seated by the eastern window, arms crossed and looking out over the gardens –as far as possible, Luke had noted, from where he was seated on the steps which lead out to the courtyard. It had been an awkward moment when he'd landed his X-wing and greeted her, and they hadn't spoken since.

In truth, he gave very little thought to Mara Jade these days – he knew that she was doing well with her trading company, and they met occasionally at official functions where they usually said, at most, a civil hello. He supposed their lives had diverged so much that there was little point to them conversing – and there was too much history for them to be otherwise.

Although, his thoughts had strayed to her recently, when he and Lando had set out on this so-called wife-hunt.

_"I'm glad you decided to come, Luke." Lando smiled at him across the cockpit of the _Lady Luck.

_"I'm somewhat surprised you asked me on this trip, actually," Luke told him truthfully, gazing out at the blue swirl of hyperspace through the viewscreen. "I know we're not as close as we once were." Ever since the situation with Mara, Luke had distanced himself from Lando – not intentionally – but there had been a discomfort there Luke had been unable to shake. _

_"I understand," Lando told him._

_"No, it was my fault," Luke turned back to him. "I'm sorry," he continued, "and I am glad you asked me."_

_"Well, we've all moved on," Lando observed. _

_"Hmm." Luke was noncommittal. _

_"Do you see much of Mara?" Lando looked at him with gentle, understanding eyes, and Luke did not feel the need to feign surprise, or ask what she had to do with anything. _

_"Not really," he replied. _

_Lando nodded. "I see her occasionally – we use her services for Dometown. She's still the best trader in the business."_

_"I'm glad to hear it." And he was – it was good to know that she had pieced her life back together. _

_"You know, Luke," Lando began, and although his tone was light-hearted, Luke could sense the seriousness beneath it. "You are the kindest person I have ever known – who else would have agreed to come on this mission with me?" he grinned, and Luke couldn't help but return it. "And I know that being – kind – hasn't always worked out for you," Lando continued, serious again. "But you make people want to be better, the best version of themselves that they can be – that's what you did for me and Han, what you've done for countless others – and you never gave up on any of us."_

_Luke looked away, embarrassed at the praise, and yet disturbed by the insinuation. "I never gave up on her," he said quietly. "I gave all that I could."_

_"I know that," Lando told him. "And so does she, I think."_

_"Then what's your point?"_

_Lando seemed unperturbed. "Just that she may be able to give you something back" _

And so he sat watching Mara Jade as she studiously ignored him, wondering if Lando was right. If he was honest, he just didn't think he could take that chance.

A soft kick to his calf broke Luke out of his reverie, and he looked up to Leia standing above him. "You look deep in thought," she observed.

"An insightful observation," he replied dryly.

She laughed and gave him another playful kick before sitting down beside him. "I'm sick of playing cards with Han," she told him, indicating her husband, who was seated at a table and evidently setting up a game of Corellian Solitaire given that his partner had deserted him. Clearly being with Han only reminded Leia of her missing children, and she was, rather transparently, seeking to avoid thinking about the situation, given that they could do nothing but wait for the Selonians to get their act together.

"How have you been, Luke?" she asked him. "It seems like an age since we've seen you."

Luke had to smile at that – it had only been a few weeks, but in truth part of him felt the same. Even the time he did get to spend with Leia and her family seemed sparse these days – and the times when they could talk brother to sister without interruptions were even rarer.

"I think Lando may have found himself a wife," he began, and proceeded to tell her about Tendra. She hadn't been what Luke imagined as Lando's type, but even he could see that they had shared a connection that hadn't been about her assets, monetary or otherwise.

"She sounds like she would be a good match for Lando," Leia said with amusement.

"Yes," Luke answered, "I think so." But that brought his mind back to his own situation, and even more because of the woman he'd once thought had the potential to be a good match for him.

"I saw Gaeriel," he told her. "She married Thanas – remember him? And she has a little girl, if can you believe that."

Leia didn't reply, and he got the impression that, yes, she could believe it. It occurred to him that Gaeriel marrying and having a child shouldn't have shocked him as much as it had. After all, most of his closest friends had settled down, gotten married, had children. Even Lando – _Lando _of all people, was ready to take a wife. His twin sister had three children, and his own life seemed stunted by comparison. He was almost thirty five years old – still quite young by galactic standards – but he couldn't help but feel that life was passing him by.

Leia put her hand over his and squeezed it gently. "I'm sorry, Luke. I know you cared about her."

"It's all in the past," he said, although even to his own ears it sounded unconvincing. "Or at least I thought so," he added, remembering the look he and Gaeriel shared in the garden. Even though they'd just agreed that they'd never work out, there was still that spark which had drawn him to her in the first place. "For a moment, when I saw her...I just thought, why couldn't it have been simple? Why couldn't I have loved Gaeriel – or anyone – and for it to have been right and easy, like it seems to be for everyone else. But for me, it just seems so..." he glanced unconsciously at Mara, "complicated."

Leia gave him her best sympathetic look, the one she no doubt wanted to look understanding, but somehow always seemed like pity. "Luke, I know it's hard," she told him gently. "Relationships aren't easy, believe me I understand-"

"No you don't" he pulled away, exasperated and gave her an accusing look. "You met the love of your life when you were eighteen years old. You don't understand at all."

He immediately regretted the words. They hadn't been harsh, he hadn't raised his voice, but Leia blinked four times in succession, a clear sign that she was forcing tears to stop forming.

"I'm sorry, Leia," he said, taking her hand again. He'd inadvertedly brought her mind back to Han, and by extension, Jacen, Jaina and Anakin. "It's just...you know I hate your pity."

"No, you're right," she replied in a tight voice. "Well," she added, and managed a small smile, "not completely right – it took a long time to realise that Han _was _the love of my life." She squeezed his hand again and her voice softened. "But if it was easy, it wouldn't be worth it," she told him.

"I know," he replied, and intellectually, he did. "Sometimes it just seems like I've had my fair share of hard, and I deserve some easy is all."

"You do," she squeezed his hand again, and her eyes were bright. "I wish I could take this pain away from you, Luke, I wish I had the answers. But I don't, I'm sorry."

He smiled at her, sadly, and with resignation. "Don't worry about me," he told her, regretting that he had added to her burdens. His relationship issues were tiny compared to the fate of the galaxy which was very much at stake. "I'll be fine."

"You're always fine, Luke," Leia told him sadly. "That makes me worry."

He wasn't sure how to respond to that, and so he didn't. He glanced over again at Mara, and tried to forget the time that he had thought love had been easy.

* * *

><p><em>Bakuran Destroyer "Intruder"<em>

The battle was imminent, and Mara was going through her final check of the _Talon_ to ensure there was no damage to the hull. The Bakuran maintenance droid had, of course, already checked it, but she liked to make sure. She was thankful to finally be off Selonia and back into the fray, although there was no certainty of survival. If she was going to go out, she would much rather it be in battle, in the attempt to do something good – ever since her brush with death after her overdose she had resolved to only die if there was good cause for it, with no regret.

Well, almost no regrets, Mara thought to herself as she saw Luke across the hanger, in his insignia-free flightsuit, checking his X-wing. She noticed that he ran his long fingers over the hull, almost lovingly, and remembered when that reverent touch had been directed at her. Perhaps it was that thought which propelled her over to him.

"Clear Skies, Luke," she told him, appearing at his side.

He turned and gave her a sort of half-smile. "You too, Mara," he said, "although I'm sure you don't need it."

"I hope you're right."

But she had watched Luke give his sister, her husband and his nieces and nephews fierce hugs before they had parted – the kind of embrace you gave someone you weren't sure you were ever going to see again. Too many had already died – Tanner, for all she knew was dead back on Corellia. They'd been separated during the battle at the trade summit, and they hadn't had time to look for him when she and Leia had escaped, even if she had known where. And so here she was, in another battle with no idea of whether it would be their last.

It was a sobering thought, to think that these may be the last moments she may share with Luke Skywalker. And yet it made her brave.

She quickly checked the surrounding area, and saw that no one was paying them any attention. In an impulsive move, she placed her hands either side of his face, pulled him close and kissed him. His lips were just as soft as she remembered, as was the feeling of warmth which appeared in the pit of her stomach.

It was over before it had really begun, and she drew away without giving him a chance to return the kiss or break it – she didn't give him an opportunity to reject her.

Even so, he looked confused, and she gave him a small smile, dropping her hands from his face. "Just in case we die."

* * *

><p><em>Drall<em>

In the shadow of the Drall repulsor, the Solo children played games and sang songs while the motley group of survivors watched them indulgently. Even Mara found herself looking at them with affection as she approached Luke, who was seated cross-legged and leaning against one of the repulsor consoles.

She sat down beside him, albeit a respectable distance away and while he did not welcome her, he didn't seem unnerved by her presence, either.

"Just so you know," Mara was the first to speak, "I didn't mean anything by that kiss."

"I know." Luke didn't look at her, and his face was impassive.

"I just thought – in case that was the last time we saw each other..." she wasn't quite sure how to word it, and his lack of reaction made her anxious. "That we would part on good terms, so to speak," she finished inelegantly. For some reason, she didn't want to go to her death thinking that the last time she's kissed Luke Skywalker was right before she'd left him.

Perhaps he understood that, because he smiled and nodded, but did not reply and did not turn to face her.

"I've changed, you know," she told him, unable to stop herself from talking. She felt she stilled owed him explanations, although she hatred herself for feeling that way and missed they easy way they once had with one another.

"So I've heard," he said. Finally, he turned to her, and there was sorrow in his eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm not in the best of spirits. I know we won, but...I was just thinking of the price of that...and those we lost."

"I'm sorry – about your friend," she said, remembering that it was Luke who'd convinced the Bakurans to come.

"So am I," he her told sadly. "Gaeriel...was a very special person." But he immediately seemed to shake the sadness off and changed the subject. "Tanner made a lucky escape," he said.

"Yes he did, thank the Force." She looked over at her second in command, who appeared to be having a very serious conversation with Anakin Solo. How one could have a serious conversation with a seven year old, she didn't know, but the two were discussing something intently.

Luke followed her gaze. "He is a very unusual Corellian."

Mara nodded. "I know – but I like that about him."

Luke was silent for several moments, and seemed suddenly uncomfortable. Luckily, Tanner appeared at the opportune moment, having apparently left Anakin with a deep thought over which to dwell.

"Master Skywalker," he greeted, and nodded at Luke.

"Tanner," Luke nodded in return, although his smile did not reach his eyes.

"Your nephew has been telling me of his exploits with the repulsor," Tanner said, indicating the small boy over by the main console, brow furrowed in thought. "I'm afraid it made my tale of escape from Corellia rather dull."

"Yes, I heard you were trapped by the Human League on Corell" Luke said politely, and not for the first time, Mara got the impression that the two men didn't particularly like one another.

"Indeed," Tanner replied, no less politely. "There were many of us who were captured during the assault on the Trade Summit and moved to containment facilities. I believe their intention was to put the non-humans to work as slaves and recruit the rest of us to their cause."

Luke shook his head sadly. "It must have been particularly bad, on Corellia."

"Yes, I'm sorry I had to leave you there, Tanner," Mara apologised to him. "But I had no idea where they'd taken you."

Tanner held up a silencing hand. "Quite alright, Mara," he said nonchalantly. "You know I would have done the same. Luckily I and a few others were able to revolt against the Human League operatives before they were able to do too much damage to the non-humans...save one," he added regretfully.

"Oh – I'm sorry," Luke said sympathetically. "We must remember those who gave their lives," he continued. "Who was it?"

"A Bothan named Ashk," Tanner told him.

"Oh?" Luke furrowed his brow and seemed to recognise the name – and it did not seem to be a pleasant recollection. And then she remembered –_ Ashk_ – the Bothan who'd taken the holos of her and Luke, who'd broken the story on her overdose. She'd heard Luke and Han discussing him once, in those dark days of her initial rehabilitation.

"He saved my life, actually," Tanner continued, and Luke raised his eyebrows in surprise. Mara too, looked up at him, amazed. From what she'd heard Luke and Han say about the Bothan, he'd been unscrupulous and selfish.

"We planned the revolt together," Tanner continued, seemingly unaware of their surprise. "And during the battle, he took a blaster shot meant for me."

While his fate had been uncertain, Mara had not allowed herself to dwell on it, but being faced with the reality that Tanner could very well have died shook her to the core. Over the past few years, he had become her dearest friend – not quite in the same way Karrde had been, as Tanner was, for the most part, impassive and not prone to confidences, but such a friendship was what she had needed at the time, out in the 'Rim. She couldn't bear the thought that he had almost been lost to her, too.

Moved by this thought, she rose and uncharacteristically embraced him, albeit briefly. Relief at Tanner's survival mixed with utter confusion that it he had been saved by someone who, in a former life, she would have demanded revenge upon. "I didn't realise – I...I'm glad you're safe," she told him as she drew away.

He smiled – as much as Tanner could smile, and patted her arm. "And I you." He looked at Luke. "All of you."

Luke smiled, a bit more genuinely this time. He too rose and put his hand out, and, surprisingly, Tanner shook it. An unspoken understanding seemed to pass between the two men, and Mara was relieved to see it. Tanner patted her again on the arm – as affectionate a gesture as he was ever likely to make – and made an excuse to take his leave.

Mara sat back down, and was pleased to see Luke take a seat back next to her. There was a long silence, Mara deep in thought about the information which Tanner had just imparted.

"I suppose I should be happy – about that Bothan," she said eventually.

Luke turned to her, surprised. "You knew who he was?"

"You and Han are bad at keeping secrets," she almost smiled, but immediately regretted her words. She had, after all, been very good at keeping secrets at Luke's expense.

But he did not make the obvious cutting remark. Instead he asked; "And you're not happy?"

She shrugged. "I suppose if he'd never made such a scandal, I mightn't have been forced to face the gravity of my situation," she said evenly, although she still remembered that as her lowest moment, when she'd briefly considered ending it all. But that forced her breakthrough. "Perhaps knowing that he died to save someone I care about, I can forgive him. Almost as if he was able to give back anything he took from me – or at least make up for it. "

"Balance," Luke said quietly, and then looked at her appraisingly. "You _have_ changed."

She smiled at him, and equalled his gaze. "I told you I had."

After a few long moments, he broke eye contact and cleared his throat in that way he did when he was uncomfortable. She did not speak, but watched him as he watched his niece and nephews, now hugging Leia once again and talking animatedly to her.

"What do you want from me, Mara?" he asked without looking at her.

She shrugged, unsure of her answer. Was she still in love with him? She would always love him, of that she was certain, but she accepted Leia's words that she had irrevocably broken whatever trust there had been between them. She wasn't the same person she was when they'd been together, when she'd known that she was deeply in love with him – there had been years of pining after that, of thinking of him and wishing they could begin again. But time had given her perspective, and she just couldn't be sure that she wanted to be with him out of true desire, or whether it was seeking to recapture lost innocence. And so, as seemed to be her axiom when it came to relationships with others, better to be safe than sorry.

"I suppose," she replied carefully, "I'd like for us to be friends again."

"Wasn't it you who said we were never really friends?"

"Yes." She had no further response to that – no follow up arguments. She'd been right then, and he was right now. They'd gone from acquaintances to lovers and back again, but never truly friends. Even in the months of her rehabilitation, there had been the undercurrent of something between them – that had been one of the reasons she'd left. She'd needed a friend then, not someone she was in love with. Of course, that hadn't been his fault, but she was kidding herself if she believed they hadn't been far beyond friends at that time.

He was silent for what seemed like an age. But eventually, he turned back to her and smiled – that easy, unfettered smile she remembered so well and yet hadn't seen him make in her presence in years.

"I suppose," he said, "we could be friends for the first time."

She gave him a full smile which mirrored his own. "I'd like that."


	33. Chapter 32

_Kauron asteroid field, one year later_

Mara didn't know how she got herself into these messes. If she was smart, she'd be back in Coruscant meeting with clients and working out new trade routes. But when she'd heard Luke was undercover in a nest of Cavrilhu pirates, she hadn't been able to stop herself from checking up on him. And here he was, locked in a Jedi hibernation trace, hurtling across cold space towards the _Talon_ without so much as a vac suit for protection.

Taking a deep breath, Mara braced herself against the airlock bulkhead and stretched out to the Force, trying to guide Luke's path. She threw everything she had into the effort, dimly aware that her whole body had gone rigid with the strain, fighting to at least slow him down as he barrelled past her through the atmosphere barrier.

"Impact ten seconds," Tanner's voice came over the speaker. "But he's coming in too fast. He'll either bounce off the hull or hit the airlock so hard he'll break his neck."

She reached out again with the Force and could sense him slowing, but knew it wouldn't be enough. Panicking, and almost without thought, she stepped away from the bulkhead and directly into his path. He slammed into her at full tilt, and she barely managed to gasp out a "welcome aboard" to release him from the trace before they hit the floor with a crash.

"Omph" she exhaled sharply as Luke's body pressed against her.

"Thank you," he murmured in her ear and lifted himself up on his arms slightly, to take the bulk of his weight off her. "Nice catch."

"You're welcome" she replied, suddenly aware of how close his face was to her, how his body straddled hers, of his familiar, earthy scent. It had been years since they had shared the same personal space like this, and Mara swiftly clamped down on the involuntary pull in her heart and the pit of her stomach, and reinforced her mental barriers.

His big blue eyes gazed down at her and Mara shifted, looking way. "So, are you going to get off me, or were you just getting comfortable?"

It was something that she might have said in another life, the appropriate level of sarcasm and teasing, but she realised as soon as the words had left her mouth that too much had passed between them, and the comment hit too close to home. She inwardly cursed herself – otherwise, their attempts at friendship over the past year had been going so well.

"Right." He blinked, twice and laughed awkwardly, rolling off of her and getting to his feet. He reached out his hands and she took them, using the leverage to stand. "Sorry."

She dropped his hands and returned a smile. "Don't worry about it."

* * *

><p><em>Talon, hyperspace<em>

Tanner walked noiselessly into the cockpit of the _Talon_ and took a seat in the co-pilot's chair. Mara was staring, unblinking, out of the viewscreen and did not react to his entry.

"I see you've altered our course back to Coruscant," he said impassively.

Mara nodded without looking at him, still seemingly deep in thought. "I need you back there to handle the business for me."

"And where will you be?"

"I've got things to do."

He appraised her for a few moments, and remembered her recent call from Corran Horn, just after they had dropped Skywalker off. "This is about the Caamas situation." It was not a question. "You're following that ship to Nirauan." Mara did not answer, and continued to stare directly ahead out the viewscreen. "Since when do you go on missions for the NRI?" he questioned.

"It's not a mission," she said scornfully. "It's more like a favour."

"For Skywalker?" There was no accusation in his tone – he was simply curious.

She looked at him then, and almost seemed wounded underneath her steely gaze. "No," she replied. "It just seems like something Talon would have done." Her eyes returned to the viewscreen. "Deep down he always…believed in the New Republic."

"I see." Tanner nodded, and decided to change the subject. "You know, you and Skywalker actually make a good team."

Mara laughed out loud and shook her head disbelievingly.

"You don't believe that?"

"I don't believe_ you_ are saying it," she replied, and seemed genuinely amused. "You hate Skywalker."

"I neither like nor dislike Master Skywalker, as you well know," he reminded her. "I was once of the opinion that he was not a…positive presence in your life."

"And now you're extoling the virtues of our teamwork?" Mara shot him a wry smile.

Tanner shrugged, ever so slightly. He was an observer, and he had watched the relationship between Skywalker and Mara develop, then shatter, their attempt to be rebuild it dissolve again, and finally, their recent steps to start again in the spirit of friendship. He didn't particularly care for Skywalker, but what he saw between them now was different than ever before – it seemed healthy. And so Tanner decided it was time to tell her what he swore he never would.

"He was there," he told her, "on Oon Tiel, two years ago, at the parole board hearing."

"What?" She looked stricken.

"Skywalker. He was there." He repeated.

Mara seemed confused. "When did you see him?"

Tanner almost smiled. "I do have a life outside of you and this company, Mara."

"Could of fooled me." Mara smiled and then furrowed her brow in confusion. "He was there?"

"Yes."

She shook her head dismissively. "Probably just making sure I didn't finish the Sithspawn off."

"No, I don't think so," Tanner told her. "I talked to him. He…cares for you, Mara. It was almost like he couldn't keep himself away."

"Then why didn't he say anything?" he said, almost to herself. "If he was there for me, why not let me know?"

"Pride," Tanner told her. "We all have too much pride, too much fear. Because if we let other people know how much we care about them, we give them the opportunity to reject us – to hurt us."

Mara was quiet, and looked down at her hands. Tanner could see the briefest twitch of a muscle in her cheek.

"The trouble is," he continued, "that if we wait too long, then they never know. I made that mistake with my father. I let him drink himself to death and believe that I was angry with him – and I was – but I should have let him know that I loved him, too. I let that chance slip away." The memory made his heart hurt, but it felt lighter to know that perhaps his mistake could help Mara in her situation. He looked up and saw her compassionate gaze.

"I'm sorry," she told him softly. "But I don't know what you think I should do." She shrugged. "I've told him how I feel - he knows. This time it's not me that's waiting."

He gave her another penetrating look. "Are you sure?"

* * *

><p><em>Nirauan<em>

Once again, Mara wondered how she got herself into these situations. Only this time, it had been Luke who had come to her rescue, rather than the other way around. She'd been stuck in the force-forsaken cave, injured and unsure of how to get out, and he had appeared.

At that thought, Mara took a seat on a nearby rock, halting their progress through the caves. Luke noticed her movement, and stopped, without her needing to ask. R2-D2 halted as well, but remained a fair distance away. In fact, he had been sulking through the entire journey, and Mara assumed the little droid objected to her presence.

"By the way," she told him, "if we don't make it out of here – thanks," she said. "Thanks for coming to get me."

He smiled back at her. "So I am to assume that if we _don't_ make it out of here, you're not thankful?"

She laughed dryly. "You know what I mean."

"Well, you came to my rescue in that asteroid belt," he said. "The least I can do is return the favour."

She cocked her head slightly. "Is that all it is?" she questioned him.

He was silent for several long moments, before changing the subject. "It's good to see you using the Force again, Mara."

She sighed. "I decided I could finally trust myself with it," she told him. Seeing his confused expression, she continued; "I didn't want to use it as a crutch, so for a long time, I didn't allow myself to use it at all."

"I understand," he said. "What made you change your mind?"

Mara shifted on the rock, drawing her leg up and crossing them under her. "Actually, it was something your sister said to me."

"Leia?" Luke seemed confused.

Mara nodded. "When we were stuck floating around during the Corellian Crisis," she clarified. "There wasn't much choice but to talk, and your sister has an opinion on everything."

Luke chuckled and nodded. "That she does."

Mara absently brushed some dirt off of her trousers. "She reminded me that I could trust myself around spice, and I could trust myself around you." She deliberately did not look up to avoid his reaction. "So why not trust myself with the Force?"

"Why not indeed?" he asked, and it was clear he did not understand.

"I'm not sure," she answered truthfully. "I never had a problem with excessive use of the Force in the past – that was your area of expertise," she added teasingly, and when she looked up was pleased to see that he did not seem offended. Instead, he smiled and held her with a probing gaze, as if she was a puzzle he was trying to solve.

"You felt unworthy of it," he said finally, and it was not a question. Mara looked away and didn't respond, but knew his assessment was correct. "Mara," he continued, and took a seat beside her on the rock. "The Force is not a judge, you need pass no test in order to use it."

Mara sighed deeply. "But you still need to use it for the right reasons."

"Of course," he nodded. There was a long silence before he spoke again. "Leia never said anything to me about this."

Mara smiled and turned her gaze back to him. "It was fairly obvious that's she didn't want me around you," she told him with good humour.

Luke frowned and made a disapproving sound in his throat. "I'm sure she meant well."

Mara shrugged. "A sister's prerogative, I suppose," she said dismissively. "If I were in her situation I would have done the same thing."

"But you've put your life back together, Mara," he countered, and took her hand gently. "That's all water under a very distant bridge," he added. "We're friends now."

Mara tried not to be distracted on his warm hand over hers. "I hope so," is all she said.

"You know," Luke added with a charming grin. "You should think about coming to the Academy and doing some training."

"So predictable, Skywalker," she told him with irritation, and pulled her hand away from his. "I may be using the Force again, but I don't think I'm cut out be a Jedi."

"Of course you are, Mara," he told her earnestly. "You have an incredible strength."

"You misunderstand me, Luke," she said. "I don't think I _want_ to be one. Just because I can use the Force doesn't mean that I have to choose the same path as you did. It's not the only way. After everything I've gone through, I just feel like I need to make a different choice."

"I can't say that I understand," Luke told her honestly, after a long silence. "But I accept it. I…" he visibly steeled himself. "I'm happy that you've been able to overcome your demons."

Mara shook her head sadly and sighed. "You don't get it Luke," she told him. "I'll never truly overcome them – that was my mistake, before," she continued with emotion. "Every day I fight the battle, and every day, I win, but with the knowledge that the war is never truly over. I know that the next day I'll face the same temptations, and have to make the same choices."

Luke furrowed his brow, clearly troubled. "How do you…keep going?" he asked somewhat delicately.

Mara shrugged. "How do you fight against the Dark Side every day?" she asked. "I remind myself of how much can be lost if I don't. I know what I will become if I give in, and I refuse to let that happen."

"You're an incredible woman, Mara," he told her, clearly affected by her words. "I…" Luke looked like he wanted to say something else, but stooped himself. There were several moments of silence between them and Mara looked at him suspiciously.

"Why did you come?" she asked, suddenly unsatisfied with his earlier explanation. "The truth, please."

Luke cleared his throat, and looked away. "I had a vision."

"I see," she said in a tone which clearly indicated to him that she didn't.

"I saw you, in a cave," he looked around at their surroundings. "You were lying in a pool of water…lifeless." His voice hitched on the last word.

"Oh."

"I couldn't let that vision come true, that's why I came," he said as he took her hand again, his thumb rubbing small circles on her skin in what seemed to be an involuntary action. "I had to make sure you were safe."

She gave him a small smile. "So you do care about me."

"Of course," he told her, a crinkle between his eyes indicating his confusion. "We're friends."

"Of course," she parroted back. Then she took a deep breath and steeled herself. "You know, someone reminded me recently how important it was to let people we love know how we feel about them. I hope you know how I feel about you, not just as my friend." She made sure to hold his gaze firm so he would know the truth of her words. "I do love you, Luke."

Mara shifted closer to him on the rock, and smiled up at him when he did not retreat or remove his hands from covering hers. She placed her other hand flush against his chest, and could feel the rapid beating of his heart. Luke gazed at her, and Mara could see the flicker of emotion in his clear eyes – he was not unmoved. The fingers of his free hand rose to slowly caress her cheek, and she leaned into his touch her so slightly.

"I do care about you, Mara," he told her, his voice barely above a whisper. "I just…" he paused, took a deep breath and then continued. "We just can't be what we were." He dropped his hand, broke eye contact and pulled away. "I'm sorry, I just don't see how I could ever trust you again – not in that way." She could almost sense his unspoken words – _not with my heart_.

Mara nodded, once, and shifted away. "Fair enough." She couldn't expect anything else, really. And she was somewhat gratified that she at least had told him exactly how she felt, and had heard the truth of his feelings from him. In the event that they didn't make it out of this cave alive, he at least would know that she loved him – for that, at least, she had no regrets.


	34. Chapter 33

_Nirauan_

Luke watched Mara as she lay on the cold stone floor of the cavern, deep in her healing trance. One thought repeated itself over and over in his mind – _she loved him_.

A part of him had known that, really. She'd told him as much after she'd first returned from the Outer Rim, but that was years ago. True, she had kissed him just before the final battle in the Corellian system, but she'd explained that it was simply one of those possible-end-of-the-universe things, and he'd believed her. Had wanted to believe her, he supposed.

In the year since the Corellian crisis, they had formed a strange, but easy friendship. They even bantered now and then, on the rare occasions they saw one another. He had assumed that she had truly moved on, and told himself that he had too. And yet she had confessed her love to him so simply, he could not believe that it was anything other than the truth. He had been honest in return and she had accepted that without complaint. He did care for her, and had been tormented by the vision of her lifeless in the very caves they were travelling through, determined that he would not let it come to pass. In truth, Luke didn't know what he would do if it did.

Luke had questioned her, though, because he had assumed that there was more to her relationship with Tanner than strictly business. She had laughed for quite a while, until he had grown rather irritated. She had calmed down and said, with seriousness, that Tanner was a dear friend and trusted business associate, but nothing more. But she had, with some mirth, accused him of slight jealousy.

He supposed he had been a little jealous – as he would have been with any other man who Mara was with. After all, she had left him to start a new life, and it would have hurt to know that someone else could have helped her when his assistance and love had, by her own admission, not been enough. He hadn't told her that, of course – he couldn't. She may have taken it the wrong way, and Luke couldn't allow himself to be pulled back down that road.

Because he could never risk himself on her again, never take the chance that she would leave him, as she had done so many times before. Luke was not a betting man, especially when it came to matters of the heart.

Artoo beeped quietly beside him, and Luke patted his domed head absently. "Am I doing the right thing, Artoo?" he asked. "A few years ago I would have given anything to hear her say she loved me."

Artoo let out a series of noises that reminded Luke that the droid had never particularly liked Mara. He was loyal and protective of his master, and had been suspicious of her behaviour long before Luke had realised the truth. Artoo had been particularly hard on Mara during her recovery, often screeching mechanically at her when she was sleeping or lightly shocking her if she was spiteful to him. And yet, Mara had seemed to respond to that treatment, her old fire returning as they seemed to enjoy their antagonistic relationship with one another.

[You must be happy, Master Luke] he heard Artoo say through the Force.

Luke sighed. "I don't know what would make me happy," he admitted. "Every time I think I'm happy it all gets pulled away."

Artoo beeped quietly. [You must be happy] Artoo repeated.

* * *

><p>The <em>Talon<em> exploded in a blaze of fire, and Luke saw the tears streaming down Mara's face illuminated by the inferno. He could sense that, for her, it was like saying goodbye to Karrde all over again.

"Why did you do it, Mara?" he asked her. He reached out to her, lay a comforting arm across her shoulders.

"Not for your New Republic," she told him, eyes fixed on the blaze. "Not entirely, anyway. It was for Talon, I guess," she added after a long pause.

"I'm sorry," he squeezed her shoulders.

"It's just a ship," she said, but her voice quavered. She leaned into him slightly and he shifted closer so that he could take her into his arms. "I think he would have liked that his namesake was involved," she continued through her tears.

"I think so, too," Luke agreed, and stroked her hair. It was so rare that anyone saw Mara without her barriers, without the veneer of sarcasm and wit through which she guarded her heart. Luke had seen it before, in the cave, and he saw it even more now, holding Mara in his arms as she did not try to hide her tears from him. He knew that she trusted him implicitly and that he would never see it as a sign of weakness, or hold it against her. Instead he admired her strength, her bravery and all that she had given up to serve the cause of peace, the New Republic, and the memory of her dear friend.

"You've said before, Luke," she said, her voice soft and slightly muffled by the fabric of his tunic. "That one of the tests of becoming a Jedi is sacrifice. But that's not what this is." She turned her face to look at the_ Talon _once again, now no more than disintegrating pieces of metal as the fire died down. "I think this is about saying goodbye – in my own way."

Luke didn't respond, and simply held her close. He was reminded of Mara in those days following Karrde's death, when he had similarly held her. Although then she had needed something else from him and he had unthinkingly provided it without thought or consideration.

But it was different now, he realized. The Mara he held in his arms now was not the desperate, shattered woman he had comforted all those years ago. She was stronger now, not because she had closed herself off to the pain, but because she embraced it. She allowed herself to mourn for her friend rather than drowning herself in stimulants, and Luke felt that change keenly. He didn't need to worry about or fix Mara Jade, because she had done that herself.

And yet, the feel of her in his arms brought back other memories; he remembered the easy way they'd once had with one another, the way she had been able to make him laugh, had teased him and pleased him in a way that no other had. It had been true love he'd felt for her, he realized, even though he'd convinced himself these past years that he could not have truly loved her, since she had never been her true self around him. But she _had_ been, he finally understood – it had been subdued and hidden under the burdens of her addition and recovery, but she'd still been Mara, all along.

And he missed her terribly.

But even as Luke came to this realisation, holding Mara in her arms, stroking her hair as he soothed her, he knew what he had said to her in the cave had also been the truth. He just couldn't take that extra step – he loved her, had never stopped loving her, but he just couldn't trust her.

* * *

><p>They were going to die, he knew it. Well, almost certainly.<p>

The cave was collapsing, and water was filling the cavern at an alarming rate. But Luke pushed those thoughts aside and concentrated on defeating the sentinel droids. He reached out with the Force to join Mara, to lend his assistance.

But then, something miraculous happened. Their Force senses connected, with his entering her and hers entering him; her place in the Force suddenly inside his very mind and soul until they were one.

And suddenly he felt her, the very essence of Mara Jade joining with him. He saw her every thought and doubt and fear, her highest joys and deepest desires. He felt, with a crippling hunger, the weight of her past addiction that still clawed at her, and that she supressed, every single day. The pain of it took his breath away, and he felt his admiration for her strength in resisting it increase tenfold. He felt the burdens of her past in the Emperor's service, and the hardships of her life after he'd died. He felt her love for Talon, her first true friend, who had taught her that life was worth living. He felt her despair at losing him, and the darkness that had dragged her down.

And finally, he felt her true and utter love for him, the pain that leaving him had caused her, the guilt she felt for hurting him and yet the understanding that it was the way things had to be. He saw himself through Mara's eyes, not as a friend or saviour who had brought her out of the depths of despair, as Talon had been, but a feeling that was much deeper and much stronger. He felt the ache of her unrequited love for him as he had shunned her, and her resignation of his disinterest as she decided to move on with her life. But underneath, at the very core of Mara Jade, that love was undiminished, and he could feel that she wanted to be with him, always, that she would never again leave him, or allow herself to hurt him. He felt his own love for her, buried deep within him, that rose to the surface with this new knowledge, and matched hers in every way.

All of his previous doubts and fears seemed irrelevant, and ridiculous. He loved Mara Jade – and what else could possible matter?

Luke came back to himself and realised that water continued to rush dangerously around them. But all he saw was Mara standing before him, smiling as if the weight of the universe has been lifted from her shoulders. For she had seen his innermost thoughts as well, had felt his own pain that she had caused, and why he had been unable to give himself to her before. But she also knew that he loved her in return and that everything had irrevocably changed between them.

"Skywalker," she breathed and placed her hands either side of his face, her green eyes gazing into his own with love. "Will you marry me?"

He laughed out loud. Even with the joining of her mind with his own, he had not expected those words to come out of Mara Jade's mouth. He made a show of looking around at the rushing water and their precarious situation. "If we get out of this alive, you mean?"

She beamed at him and shook her head slightly. "Regardless."

Luke gave her a genuine smile, and felt as if he had not used those muscles in years. "Yes."

* * *

><p><em>Defender, hyperspace<em>

Luke held Mara tightly in the cabin of the _Defender_, his arms around her waist, holding her flush against him as he kissed her thoroughly. She responded in kind, her fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck as she relished in his closeness, not only in body, but in mind. His presence was within her as well as around her, their bond through the Force connecting them as strongly as their kiss did.

Gone were all recriminations, doubts or fears, until all that was left was the deep love they know both knew was there, and was reciprocated.

Luke pushed her gently across the cabin, until the backs of her knees hit the single bunk and she allowed herself to fall backwards onto it, bringing Luke with her. He deepened the kiss, and Mara felt her nerve endings spark with the memory of him. After the exhaustion of their days in the caves and final escape, not to mention the emotional wringing they had put each other through, it would be so easy for Mara to give herself over to him, to relish in his love and their newfound understanding.

His right hand skimmed down her side, stopping at her hip before slipping his fingertips under her tunic and caressing the skin where it met the ridge of her trousers. She opened her eyes and found his own looking down upon her as he gently broke the kiss. In his blue gaze she felt and saw the depth of his love and understanding of her, and the passion which was as bright and intense as it had been all of those years ago. But hers was different. No less forceful, no less passionate than it had been, but now there was a different reason for it. Love was fuelling the lust, rather than the other way around.

She rested her hand over his own, where it had stalled under her tunic. She opened her mouth to explain that it was not a rejection, but found herself unable to articulate her feelings and desires. She wanted to be with him, but not so soon after they had rediscovered their shared love – that had been her mistake, before. She wanted to be with him in spirit first, before they joined together in body.

"Luke…" She began, but trailed off, unable to word her thoughts in a way that did not seem like a dismissal. But then, he smiled down at her, and his understanding radiated through their bond as she realised he could feel her intention, her restraint, and loved her all the more for it.

Mara felt a single tear escape as his warm presence filled her and she knew that never in her life had she been so happy. It made the false fulfilment of drugs and sex seem so hollow, because they had dulled her senses in order to make her forget all pain, and now she felt the true weight and depth of love which forced her to embrace her past suffering, in order that the happiness would feel all the more real and worthwhile.

She returned his smile, and reached up to brush his shaggy hair out of his eyes, so she could see them all the more clearly. "I love you," she found herself saying almost without realising it, the words slipping out without thought or analysis. It was as if her heart had felt them, and so she had spoken them.

His smile widened and he could not, nor evidently did he want to, conceal the joy on his face. "I love _you_," he returned with slight emphasis on the last word.

Then he pressed a soft kiss to her brow and enfolded her in his arms. Her head pillowed against his chest, Mara closed her eyes, her arm winding around his waist and making herself comfortable against him. As she allowed herself to drift off to sleep, she found comfort in the fact that she was exactly where she wanted to be – not because she needed anything from him, or was chasing oblivion, distraction or gratification.

She didn't need him, but rather wanted him, and wanted to give him herself in return. In that, she – finally – felt content.

* * *

><p><em>Coruscant<em>

Luke's gaze flittered over to Mara as they rode the turbolift to the top floor of the Imperial Palace. Even if he could not feel her discomfort through their bond, he would know that she was unsettled just by her demeanour. She fidgeted, looping her fingers through her belt and then out again, examining the view from the turbolift window and then turning away from it, stretching the muscles in her neck as she turned her head from side to side. Mara bit her lip, and Luke's gaze rested there, wanting to kiss away her troubles. She must have sensed his thought through their bond, because she looked up at him and smiled. He closed the distance between them and took her in his arms, stilling her erratic movements.

"Don't be nervous," he whispered as he pressed a light kiss to the corner of her mouth. She released her lower lip from her teeth, and he took the opportunity to kiss her fully. Mara sighed into him and kissed him back with warmth, her hands caressing the back of his neck and drawing him further into her.

"Why should I be nervous?" she breathed against his mouth as his arms went around her waist. "Even though I'd rather face those sentinel droids again than your sister."

"They will be happy for us," he said between kisses, drawing her body flush against his.

Mara broke the kiss and looked up at him with apprehension. "And if they're not?"

Luke cupped her face him his hands and tried to comfort her through their bond. It was still new and they were getting used to each other's presence in their minds, but Mara accepted his reassurance gratefully. "They will," he assured her firmly. "And if they don't, then it doesn't matter. I'm going to marry you no matter what anyone else thinks."

He felt her relief and gratification, and saw it in her answering smile. He kissed her again, more deeply this time, using the Force to slow the turbolift in its journey and give them a few brief moments. Luke felt desire spark within him as he held Mara against him, the memory of her body pressed to his vivid even though it had been many years since they had been together. Mara let out a small whimper as she felt his thoughts, and he could feel her longing which matched his own. And yet there was reticence, as well.

Luke pulled away, breathless, and rested his forehead against hers, trying to quell his quickening desire. They had agreed they would wait until they were married before they were intimate again – they had been reckless before pursuing such a physical relationship, and Mara had voiced her wish to wait until they were formally bonded before returning to one.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Mara said dryly, picking up on his stray thoughts.

Luke kissed her forehead tenderly. "It is, my love," he whispered against her hair, and held her in a tight embrace.

The turbolift doors opened, and they stepped out into the antechamber, although Luke was conscious to keep hold of Mara's hand as they approached the Solo family suites.

"What did you tell them?" Mara muttered as Luke rang the doorbell.

"That I had a surprise for them" Luke answered with a grin.

"They certainly will be surprised," Mara added, and tightened her grip on Luke's hand. He squeezed back as a butler droid answered the door and showed them into the living area, where Han was watching smashball and Leia was working at a small desk by the comm unit.

"Luke!" Leia sprang up and over to them, embracing Luke tightly and kissing his cheek. "I'm so glad you're home."

Luke smiled, even though Coruscant had not been his home for many years. He no longer even kept an apartment planetside, the spare room of Leia's residence more than enough when he came to visit. Although that might change now that he and Mara were reunited, he considered. He returned his sister's embrace with one arm, careful not to let go of Mara.

"Let the man breathe, Leia," Han's genial voice spoke up as he crossed to tug gently on Leia's shoulder. "You haven't even noticed Luke's surprise." Han gave him a sly grin and Luke knew he hadn't missed Mara's hand clutched in his, even if Leia had.

Leia backed up, and Han stood behind her, resting his hands gently on her shoulders. Finally, Leia saw that Mara was in the room, and her gaze drifted back to Luke, and then down to their joined hands, then back to Luke again.

"I have some wonderful news," Luke told them, unable and unwilling to keep the joy from his face. He squeezed Mara's hand gently again when he felt her anxiety spike.

"I think we can guess," Han replied warmly – he at least, seemed to be happy. But then, Luke considered, he'd always quite liked Mara. Leia's expression, however, was inscrutable.

"You two crazy kids decided to make a go of it, huh?" Han covered smoothly for his wife's silence. "That's great," he grinned.

"More than that, Han," Luke couldn't keep the smile off his face. "We're getting married."

Han quickly covered his obvious surprise with another, wider, grin, and stepped forward to pat Luke heartily on the back. "Well, then, congratulations!" he exclaimed. "It only took – what – ten years?" he chuckled to himself.

"Leia?" Luke prodded his sister cautiously, noticing that she had covered her mouth with one hand in surprise. He gaze fell on Luke, and he could see the love she had for him, which would forever be undiminished, no matter his choices. Then she looked towards Mara, and stepped forward purposefully, pulling her into a tight embrace.

He could feel Mara's shock through the Force, and sent back another wave of reassurance and acceptance. Luke dropped her hand, allowing Mara to return Leia's hug properly, his heart fit to burst with happiness. His words to Mara has been the truth, he was going to marry her and it did not matter if his sister or anyone else objected, but he had been concerned that Leia's protective streak would make her question Luke's choice, given his and Mara's history.

And yet he had underestimated Leia, for she had understood in a moment that he was happy, Mara was committed to him and that all that was required from her was acceptance. She gave it as she embraced Mara with tears in her eyes, and more than that, she gave her delight and approval. Leia then turned her attention to Luke, throwing herself into his arms and hugging him tightly.

"You look so happy, Luke," she said into his ear. "It has been so long."

"I know," he whispered back, and remembered her words to him back on Selonia, that a relationship wasn't worth it if it was easy. "But it was worth it."

Leia released him, and Luke looked over to see that Han had also given Mara a hug, much to her surprise, and was joking quietly with her. His eyes met Mara's and their minds melded once more in perfect synchronicity. Luke knew he would never had to be without the Mara-place within himself had had been established so many years ago, and was now fortified by their Force bond and mutual, declared love.

"It was worth it," he repeated to himself.


	35. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

The Coruscant Memorial Gardens were empty, save for Mara Jade and her four companions, who walked purposefully towards their destination. Luke was beside her, holding her hand, happiness radiating from him. Mara admired her husband-to-be, who looked rather dashing in a new navy blue dress coat over a stylish, light blue tunic with dark trousers and knee-high boots. She had thought he might choose to wear his Jedi robes, but she was pleased to see him in something new.

Mara wore an emerald-colored gown she had bought especially for the occasion. It was not particularly fancy, but suited her tastes, the tight, sleeveless bodice showing off her curves, and the shimmersilk skirt falling to her ankles. The only jewelry she wore was a silver chain around her neck with a small pendant of intertwined emerald and sapphire gemstones, a wedding gift from Luke. She had given him a finely crafted leather wristband, etched with the symbols of the Rebel Alliance and the Jedi Order, to always remind him of his accomplishments.

Han and Leia walked arm in arm a few paces in front of them, Han in his dress uniform and insignia, and Leia in a beautiful white gown. Tanner completed their small party, walking quietly behind Mara and Luke in a fashionable dark suit.

Mara rubbed Luke's arm fondly to get his attention, and he leaned in closer to her. "You don't mind that it's just the few of us?" Mara asked him. "I know you would have liked some of your other friends here."

Luke gave her a warm smile and patted her hand. "Of course not," he replied. "It's nice to have a bit of privacy."

Mara wasn't sure she believed him, but loved him all the same, and resolved not to let his sacrifice be forgotten. Leia had, of course, wanted a big wedding with half of Coruscant invited, but Mara had balked at the idea. She was still wary of the sludgenews and the potential controversy of their marriage, she didn't want them to spoil her and Luke's union. She knew that Luke had desired a Jedi ceremony, although he had never said so, perhaps remembering her words on Nirauan that she wasn't cut out to be a Jedi. So they had settled on a small ceremony to take place a mere week after they had returned from Nirauan, with Han officiating and Leia and Tanner acting as witnesses.

"Maybe we can have a celebration after we've made the announcement," Mara suggested. "And things have settled down."

"I'd like that," Luke smiled and put his arm around her as they continued to walk through the gardens, the rows of exotic plants and flowers reassuring Mara that the location was not too sterile for a wedding ceremony. Leia had pulled a few strings and had the complex closed down for the day, so they would be left alone.

"It's just here," Mara indicated the side wall of the gardens, just by a fountain where a crop of Jade Roses were in bloom. Their presence was quite a surprise to Mara, since they had not been there when she'd previously visited the gardens. Luke's face cracked into a smile and he hurried over to the flowers, plucking one by the stem and fastening it to his lapel. "Fitting, don't you think?" he asked them, as he plucked another and held it out to Mara. "May I?" he added, and Mara nodded, allowing him to place one of the blooms in her hair, which she had allowed Leia to put up into an elaborate style.

"It's quite a coincidence," Mara observed, noticing that the blooms seemed to be newly planted around the fountain. She cast a look over to Leia.

"It wasn't me," Leia said. "But it's a lovely gesture, I wish I'd thought of it," she added and looked towards her husband suspiciously.

Han shrugged but was unable to keep the smile off his face. "So maybe the groundskeeper is a friend of mine," he said nonchalantly. "But what do I know about flowers?"

Mara turned to Tanner, who was far more successful in concealing his guilt, his usual inscrutable expression in display. Although Mara did detect a hint of amusement in his dark eyes. "I may have an interest in botany," he stated calmly, and Mara laughed.

"Thank you," Mara said, and led them behind the fountain, to a wall of grey plaques, and in particular, one with small black lettering that read _Talon Karrde_.

"I know it seems a bit morbid," Mara told them almost apologetically. "But he…would have wanted to be here."

Leia stepped forward and rubbed her arm gently. "I think it's beautiful, Mara."

"If we've finished admiring the scenery, shall we get started?" Han asked, rubbing his hands together. "I've waited long enough for these two to get hitched."

They got into position, Luke and Mara facing each other with joined hands, Leia standing beside Luke and Tanner beside Mara, as Han took his position between them. Luke squeezed her hands gently and she smiled in return, sending her anticipation and happiness through their bond.

"Welcome, gentlebeings," Han began, in a speech he'd obviously rehearsed. "To witness the bonding of Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade, and it's about damn time!"

"Han!" Leia admonished him.

"Luke and Mara have come to pledge themselves to each other," Han continued, ignoring Leia's rebuke. "And to make official what was clear to everyone else the moment she stuck a blaster in his face and swore to kill him."

"Han!" Leia broke in again. "Didn't you look at the officiant's guide I gave you?"

"Sure I did, Leia," Han told her. "But I'm Corellian, we don't follow the script."

Leia sighed, but it was obvious she was not angry, having trouble even concealing her smile. She waved him to continue. Luke grinned at Han's unorthodox celebrant's duties, and even Tanner seemed amused. Mara just rolled her eyes.

"As I was saying," Han continued. "It's been a rocky road for these two, who have come from such different backgrounds, and yet have found a kinship with each other. By that, of course I mean they both share an over-developed stubbornness and talent for getting into trouble."

This time it was Luke who gave Han an admonishing look.

"And of course," Han added quickly, "the most important thing they share is their love for each other."

Mara squeezed Luke's hand in order for him to return his gaze to hers, nudging him playfully through the Force.

"In the presence of these witnesses," Han continued, "I invite you both to say the vows you have prepared. Mara?"

Mara took a deep breath before starting. "Luke," she began. "It took me a long time to realize that I loved you, because I was willfully blind and afraid of what it meant to be loved. But I am no longer afraid, because I know that all I want is to be with you always, and share with you the whole of myself."

Luke was obviously moved, his emotions seeping across their bond. "Mara," Luke told her. "I was drawn to you almost from the moment I met you, and in time that connection deepened into the greatest love I have ever felt. The past does not matter to me, because all I care about it the beautiful future that we are going to have together."

Han clasped his hands over Luke and Mara's joined ones. "Luke and Mara, you have spoken your vows to one another, and they were nice and short, for which we are all thankful," he clearly couldn't resist joking. "I now ask you to confirm your commitment to one another."

"Luke, I pledge to you my life and love," Mara recited. "May the Force be with us as we begin this journey together."

"Mara, I pledge to you my life and love," Luke said back to her. "May the Force be with us as we begin this journey together."

"Then I, Han Solo, Captain of the _Millennium Falcon _and General of the New Republic, do now pronounce you husband and wife."

Mara didn't wait for permission, leaning forward and pressing her lips to Luke's. Han pulled his hands away quickly and stumbled back, grumbling about her eagerness. But Mara didn't care, wrapping her arms around Luke's neck as she kissed him fully and he responded in kind. They were both grinning when she pulled away, sharing their joy through their bond.

Then Leia stepped forward with tears in her eyes and embraced her brother for a long time. Han stepped over to Mara. "Come 'ere, Jade," he said, pulling her into a hug. "You're not getting away that easy."

Mara returned his embrace. "Don't think _you're_ getting away with that dreadful performance just now," she said sharply, but there was teasing behind her tone and she smiled as she pulled away. "Someday, when you think I've forgotten about it," she warned him. "You'll wish you had stuck to the script."

Han laughed. "I'm sure."

When she released herself from Han, Mara stepped over to Tanner, who was standing passively watching the scene. She embraced him gently, and he whispered his well wishes to her, even though he was usually uncomfortable with such show of emotion. Leis was at her side when she broke away from Tanner, pulling Mara into a fierce hug.

"Welcome to the family, Mara," Leia told her warmly. Over Leia's shoulder, Mara watched Luke disentangle himself from Han's chatter and approach Tanner, who held out his hand.

"Congratulations, Master Skywalker," Tanner told him as Luke grasped his hand and shook it. Tanner, however, was not expecting Luke to draw him into a firm hug, and it brightened Mara's heart to see that Tanner not only accepted the gesture, but patted Luke fondly on the back.

This _was_ her family, Mara realized. She had not just married Luke, she was part of a unit now – Leia and Han and their children, Chewbacca, Lando, Wedge Antilles and Rogue Squadron, Corran Horn and the rest of Luke's Jedi – everyone who loved her husband was now her family, as well. And Tanner would be drawn into that bond with her, giving him the support and love he'd not had since his father died. Only Talon was missing, Mara thought wistfully, her gaze lingering on his memorial plaque.

"Maybe he's watching over us," Luke suggested as he returned to her side, slipping an arm around her waist and pressing a soft kiss to her forehead.

Mara didn't answer, but leaned into him for support, at last thankful that Talon's memory would be kept alive.

* * *

><p>Mara lead Luke inside her apartment, clasping his hand tightly. He had not been there before, because when they'd decided to wait until they were married to become intimate again, she'd wanted to avoid the temptation of having him in close proximity to her bed. Mara had been relieved that he no longer kept the apartment they'd once shared - there were too many bad memories associated with it, and she wanted their marriage to be a fresh start. Luke had of course suggested that they could spend the night in the guest room at Leia's, but Mara had called him crazy if he thought she was going to kriff him within the same city block at his sister, her husband and their children, let alone the same suite.<p>

So after the ceremony they returned to Mara's apartment, cramped as it was, to spend the first night as husband and wife. As they entered, however, Mara sensed that something wasn't right, which became obvious when a small astromech droid rolled out into the living room.

"Artoo?" Luke seemed as surprised as Mara. "What are you doing here?"

The droid let out a series of angry beeps and whistles and Mara couldn't sense his intent through the Force.

Luke chuckled. "He says that since he wasn't invited to our wedding, he had to come here to see us."

"How did he get in?" Mara enquired. The security on her apartment was top of the line.

Luke shrugged. "Artoo can get into anywhere."

"Sorry you couldn't come, Artoo," he consoled the little droid and patted his domed head fondly.

"Hmmph." Mara folded her arms crossed her chest. "He probably would have tried to sabotage the ceremony," she said snidely.

Artoo let out another series of hoots and beeps and Mara rolled her eyes, never really understanding Luke's attachment to the thing. She knelt down in front of the droid, at eye level with his viewing unit. "So, Artoo," she humoured him. "Do you approve of me marrying your master, or are we going to have to fight for him?"

The droid was silent for several long moments, his viewing unit looking her up and down as if considering her worthiness. Eventually, he let out a few terse beeps.

[You'll do] she heard through the Force, and Mara laughed out loud as Artoo rolled away and out of her apartment. She supposed that was tantamount to the droid's approval.

"And I thought your sister was going to be the hard one to win over," Mara muttered as she stood, seeing that Luke had been examining her apartment with approval. She had few personal effects except for a few clothes lying around and datadiscs with trading reports gathering dust on the comm unit. But it seemed that Luke had found something that interested him.

"What's this?" Luke asked, picking up a flesh-coloured jacket from the back of the couch, where it rested with her spare blaster holster.

"That?" she asked with a shrug. "It's my favorite jacket."

Luke examined the fabric, the age in the stitching, and the sleeves which flared out from the elbows. "I bought this jacket for you," he said.

Mara looked at him with surprise. "You remember that?"

"Of course," he answered, fingering the worn material. "You kept it all these years?"

Mara smiled. "Of course," she said, covering his hands with her own. "This is a bit embarrassing," she admitted, "but I guess you should know all my secrets. When I was in the 'Rim, and I was…so lonely, I used to wear it all the time. It's really pathetic," she added with a laugh. "Sometimes I would come back to my apartment and just hold it." She took the jacket from him and held it close against her chest as an example.

"I told you that I wanted you to think of me when you wore it," Luke said softly, the memory coming back to him fully.

There were tears in her eyes as Mara looked up at him, love shining from her every pore. "I did."

He grasped her upper arms and pulled her close, crushing his lips to hers. She parted her lips to allow his tongue entrance, returning his kiss passionately. His grip eased on her arms, and he ran his fingers over the bare skin, making her shiver with anticipation. The jacket dropped from her grip, forgotten as she pressed her body against his.

"So," he murmured against her mouth. "We're married."

"Yes we are," he whispered back to him, pressing soft kisses on his jawline. "So I guess you better hurry up and kriff me."

"If you insist."

He made love to her slowly and she did not tear her eyes away from his the entire time as they merged together, awash with happiness and pleasure. It was as it had been in the cave on Niariun, only far more powerful – Mara felt herself join completely with him, as if her entire world was inside his clear blue eyes and nothing would ever tear them apart. She felt her own pleasure, and his reflected back to her, shattering the final barriers between them until there was nothing left but each other.

At the moment of synchronized culmination they became one in mind, body and soul.

* * *

><p>When Mara awoke, the sun was setting, filling her bedroom with fading yellow light. She shifted pleasantly and saw that Luke was already awake, a happiness in his eyes that she was sure was reflected in her own. He reached out to stroke her hair, and she warmed to his touch, pressing herself closer to him and inhaling his unique scent. They must have only been asleep a few hours, but Mara felt refreshed and alive as she pressed her lips to his gently. Through their bond, she could feel that he was thinking of the times he'd woken up in his bed alone, when she had left him, and his relief at finally being able to hold onto her.<p>

"I'm still here," she reminded him as she pulled away. "I'll always be here."

"I know," he answered with a smile. "But I think this is the first time I've woken up before you."

Mara shrugged her shoulders ever so slightly. "Well, I sleep now," she told him shyly, since in the awful days of her addiction and recovery, she had found rest difficult to find. "And I sleep best with you beside me." She sighed with happiness and caressed his chest absently. "Thank you for waiting for me," she told him.

Luke chucked softly and stroked her cheek with his thumb. "It was only a week," he pointed out.

Mara shook her head. "No," she told him. "It's been ten years."

Luke smiled, understanding, and leant in to kiss her softly. She melted under the touch of his lips, and they caressed leisurely for some time. A part of her couldn't believe they hadn't been able to find their way to this place years ago.

"We both needed the time," Luke said softly as he pulled away, picking up on her errant thoughts. He ran a hand down the bare skin of her back and pulled her close.

"I think you're being kind to me there," Mara responded, tapping him gently on the chin. "We both know that we could have found happiness years ago if I'd made different choices."

"Maybe," he said evenly. "Maybe not. I wasn't blameless in what happened between us, Mara," he pointed out. "I pressed you into a relationship when you were unsure and grieving, and I thought that if I just loved you enough, I could fix you. It was arrogant and foolish."

"And I lied to you, continued our relationship even though I knew you wanted more than I could give," she countered. "Then I abandoned you and hurt you so deeply most people thought you'd never recover. It was selfish and amoral." She took his face in both of her hands. "I'm going to spend the rest of my life making that up to you, Luke."

He took one of her hands and kissed her palm, shaking his head. "You were always completely and utterly forgiven," he told her. "Our lives together shouldn't be about correcting the mistakes of the past," he added. "But a new beginning - making new memories together."

"Well," she said with a sly smile as she pressed her body against his and began to kiss him again. "Let's get started." He laughed and pulled her down to him as they shared each other's joy.

Afterwards, they held each other in the dwindling light, Mara's head pillowed on Luke's chest and his fingers drawing small circles on her back. Mara hated to break the moment, but there was something that had been on her mind ever since they had returned.

"So," she began. "It occurs to me we haven't decided what we've going to do with our lives, other than be together," she added.

She felt Luke press a kiss to her hair. "I suppose not," he answered. "I'm not needed at the Academy full time, anymore," he continued. "Although I do need to spend _some _time there. When I'm not, I thought I could accompany you on your trading runs."

Once again Mara was touched by his utter selflessless. "That's a good plan," she agreed. "But I've made a decision that might change things."

"Oh?"

Mara turned over in his arms and rested her chin on his chest. "I…want to be a Jedi."

His face broke into a huge smile. "Really?" he asked in surprise. "Mara, that's wonderful! What changed your mind?"

Mara shrugged. "I'm not sure," she told him. "I resisted training with you before because I was afraid that I would lose myself in it, that I would lose my independence. Or fail," she added honestly. "But when I did that work for NR Health, it was so gratifying, I realized that I liked helping people. As strange as that sounds."

Luke chuckled. "You're too hard on yourself, Mara," he told her gently, brushing a lock of her hair behind her ear. "I've always known you have a deep compassion and desire to do good, even if you didn't want to admit it. But what about your trading company?"

"Tanner will take it over," Mara explained. "I think I've accomplished all I want to in business. Like you said, this is a new beginning for us. So I need a new challenge." The happiness on his face was so strong she didn't need to reach into their bond to gauge his feelings on the matter.

"Before you get too excited," she told him. "I don't want you to train me."

His smile dropped. "Oh."

"I'm already so much in your debt Luke," she told him hurriedly. "I don't think I could handle being your apprentice as well. I want to do this right," she added firmly. "I thought maybe I would ask Leia."

His joy returned as he understood, reaching out to her through their bond and reassuring her with his acceptance, happiness and love. "I think she would like that," he answered. "And nothing would make me happier than you becoming a Jedi, as long as it's your choice."

"It is," she confirmed, and settled back into his arms. "But I don't need to start training with her right now – she's still Chief of State, after all. I thought we could leave for Yavin 4 in the morning," she continued. "Leave Leia to make the press release about our marriage and hide away in the forest together for a while."

He kissed her forehead again and began to stroke her hair comfortingly. "Now _that_ sounds like a plan."

She sighed and nestled into his embrace, awash with bliss and relief. Once, she had feared becoming a Jedi, feared a relationship with Luke because she didn't believe she was capable of it, but now she understood that love was strength, sacrifice was necessary, and all she needed was to allow herself to feel and not be afraid of losing anything she held dear. For the first time in her life, she understood the feeling of utter contentment, no further desire burning within her preventing her from enjoying the moment.

She was sated.


End file.
